If you don't horribly mind, could you please grade my essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I always hate these types of posts, but if you could critique my essay, I'd appreciate it. :)
The prompt was, " Do you think success can be disastrous?" (BB Test #4)</p>

<p>Success always comes with a price tag attached. Many time, success itself can be disastrous, causing us to wonder if maybe success wasn't worth it after all.
When the North entered into the United States Civil War, it did so with the intention of freeing the slaves. For four long, toilsome years, the North and the South fought. Eventually the North won and the slaves were freed. Yet at what cost? Over the course of the war, approximately 816,000 soldiers lost their lives. At Gettysburg, ine days total alone was about 4,000. And setting the slaves free caused disastrous problems in the south. The freeing of the slaves sent an entire economic system into tumult, the effects of which were felt for decades.
In figure skating in 1998,7, Tara Lipinski was a phenom. She was pushing the techinical and artistic bars of the sport further than they'd ever been pushed before, at only 13 years old. During the 1998 Olympic Games, she won the Olympic Gld Medal. She was only 14, and had set a record as the youngest Olympic Gold Medalist ever. In the next few years, Tara made millions off of endorsements an ice shows. However, it all came crashing down when she was 18. Her hip had worn out from the rigors of figure skating. In 2001, she became the youngest person ever to have hip replacement surgery. She had achieved success only at the price of a healthy body.
Brittney Spears is yet another example of the disastrous cost of success. She had started singing at age 3, and by 19 she has become a pop star. She seemed to have it all- Popularity,money,looks, and awards. Yet none of that is ever mentioned now. Her life has detiorated to the point of attempting to commit suicide. Three failed marriages, numerous tabloid scandals, and two children from two different fathers is all she has to show for her success. Yes, she's known around the world, but her success has been disastrous;both for her and those around her.
For everything that is achieved there is a price to be paid. Success is disastrous in many ways, wether by ruining the economy of a region, tearing apart a healthy body, or by destroying the life and happiness of those who achieve it. Before we set out on "the path to success", it would be wise to consider if we are prepared to deal with the consequences.</p>

<p>NOTE: INFORMATION IN THIS ESSAY IS NOT FACTUAL. I have no idea how many soldiers died in the Civil War.
Thank You! :)</p>

2

<p>Okay, make sure you use facts, not stuff you made up. It would be better to say that thousands of soldiers lost their lives, or that the new system set up for the South following the Civil War led to disastrous problems, which you would then identify. You don't necessarily have to use numbers.</p>

<p>Same with the other two body paragraphs. Don't make up stories.</p>

<p>The first two body paragraphs were well supported, but the third one needs a bit fixing up. You should make more of a connection between how she was successful and how that led to disaster. In other words, how did her 'popularity, money, looks, and awards' lead to disaster?</p>

<p>I'd give this a 10. Remember that for Tara Lapinski, for example, you don't have to make up a year or an age or what her achievements were. It might be OK to make up stuff about your life for evidence, but don't make stuff up about celebrities!</p>

3

<p>Thank you so much. Although for the record, the suff about Lipinski wasn't made up. And in hindsight, I could have used a better example than Brittney Spears. :)</p>