If you have something constructive to say

Applying to College
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<p>I know my way of thinking has not been very popular on this forum. This time, I am not here to cause long and point arguements. I am here as a parent who love their children very much so I am seeking ideas. Please, if you don't have anything nice and constructive to say, please hold your horse.</p>

<p>Recently, I have been talking to people within our unique community - Chinese who came to States to get advanced degrees after their UG or Master degrees. Within this community, most of our children go to elite colleges such as PHYSM. So, in the conversation, the chosen major is "hot" topic. Most of the parents seems to indicate that they have some say in the selection. A lot of kids are in business, premed, prelaw, or engineering. </p>

<p>As I have disclosed before, our strong minded DD picked "environmental science". "oh" is the typical response I got when people heard of that and a somewhat different look. </p>

<p>I am a science major and I know how stressful my job is and how little pay I am getting. I would really like for our children to get into a more financially rewarding career. Everytime we face a financial challenge, I would show it to them to say why we can't afford it and why they should seek a more comfortable life style. It does not work. </p>

<p>If you have successfully influenced your child's selection of major, how did you do it? Please help.</p>

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<p>Mod, please move this to the parent's forum. Thanks</p>

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<p>Yes, if you aren't all that interested in what you do for a living some careers pay better than others. But if you are really passionate about what you do for a living even the least likely careers can pay well. (Celebrity hair dresser comes to mind...) And if you are able to spend most of your life doing something you love, having money for extras is not as important. Someone who loves what they do finds their life very comfortable indeed.</p>

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<p>I can understand that for someone who has made such sacrifices as you have for the sake of a better education and quality of life for your children it must be frustrating that your child has chosen a path different to that which you would decide on for her. </p>

<p>We are all products of our environments. What we need and desire, seek and strive for are determined by what we have learnt is important, and the best a person can do is work towards finding a place for themselves in which they can feel that they are doing the best that they can within the moral, ethical, recreational, and financial world that they experience. </p>

<p>Your environment and influences have been very different to your DD's. You have had constraints, and hardships, and been brought up with values from your parents and the society you grew up in, and they have come together to determine your choices and make you the person you are. She has too, but hers have been different -- not surprising given your big move to the States. </p>

<p>She has probably never felt real financial pressure, and might never be under the kinds of economic stress as you have been. With very different experiences of life, so it is not surprising to me that she has chosen her profession by different criteria to yours. No amount of hassling her about the money worries you have and the costs of life are going to change her mind. She does not see her life as taking the same course as yours, and you know what? It's unlikely to. You're different people, but more than that, you have different cultures. It's really common for parents of first generation kids to experience a disconnect from the world they move in, and I think that's what's happening here.</p>

<p>You may never see eye to eye. You might always be a little disappointed, a little hurt, that she hasn't decided on a degree that you think would be best. But I don't think that there is anything you can do to change her mind without pushing her into a life that she will be unhappy with. I have seen many parent-child relationships strained by this kind of situation, and a couple have broken irrevocably. Please keep this in mind. Remember, too, that Environmental Science is likely to be a far more lucrative career than it has been in the past, now that the economic effects of environmental degradation are widely recognised. She may have made an extremely good choice from a financial, as well as personal fulfillment, point of view.</p>

<p>Have you asked her why she's chosen environmental science? Perhaps if you have a deeper understanding of what she is drawn to, it might be easier to deal with the disappointment that you're feeling. Everyone wants the best for their children, and I'm sure that she recognises that and appreciates it. I think that she must be a strong young women to pursue her chosen career despite your objections. This is a good thing! How fortunate she is to have been brought up with such tenacity.</p>

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<p>Nicely put, Lalucha. Dad II, a little personal story -- in my youth (about five million years ago), I pursued several academic goals that were laudable but low-paying. After 6 or 7 years of low pay, I re-evaluated what I wanted out of life, both regard to the TYPE of work I enjoyed and the size of the paycheck. I took the LSAT, got admitted to a very good law school, did well, and never looked back. Moral: law was not a choice I would have made in my early 20's, but after some experience with life and a greater understanding of what I wanted out of life, it was the right path. Your job is to give her love, support and counsel while she finds her own way. Good luck!</p>

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<p>Thank you lalucha. I understand what you are saying. However, how did other parents within my similar situation do it? </p>

<p>I think this is partly my fault - my DW always points out. Since they are young, I have been telling them to think big - no in the financial sense. "You are very smart and have basic conditions better than probably 90% of the human population, so try to do something remarkable that benifits the whole human society" I constantly telling them. </p>

<p>It is a very complex feeling I am having now. On one hand, I really start to see things happen for a reason and everything all work out at the end. Something 20 years ago seemed bad is actually a blessing now. OTOH, it is just difficult not to want to push a little.</p>

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<p>Environmental science is such an emerging field. I would not assume that a graduate from a top flight environmental science program will be relegated to the poor-but-passionate class.</p>

<p>My husband and I both chose the poor-but-passionate life, and one of my children certainly will too (artist type), but the other is thinking law school eventually, or something like that. It's all good. My kids have grown up with little money but a happy, happy life. Although, I understand the pressures you are feeling from your own community.</p>

<p>Anyway, one way or the other your daughter will be making her own choices, and it's not like environmental science is medieval poetry or something... the latter or something like it will be my D's major, I'm thinking. ;)</p>

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<p>
[QUOTE]
I have been telling them to think big - no in the financial sense. "You are very smart and have basic conditions better than probably 90% of the human population, so try to do something remarkable that benifits the whole human society" I constantly telling them.

[/QUOTE]
</p>

<p>I can see why you are torn, but I can tell part of you is very, very proud that she is following your hopes for her, to try and do something remarkable that benefits the whole human society. Great job raising that young lady.</p>

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<p>Keep in mind also that a lot of students change majors. She may not stick to environmental science. I don't think parents can do a lot to influence major. I've seen parents who say we'll only pay for college if you major in "X". The results of that usually aren't good. As long as a student can be happy with the result of their intended major, then I think you should just let them pursue it. i.e if they want to be a millionaire and they plan on being a first grade teacher- then they may not be happy. If they can be happy on a teacher's salary and don't expect mom and dad to support them then that's OK. Also, as another poster pointed out, there's always time to get another degree or change professions.</p>

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<p>With the way things are going, DadII, an undergrad degree in environmental science when paired with a law degree or an MBA could be a very lucrative ticket in the future--and as she will have her basic science courses she could always do med school anyway. A very close friend is a very successful surgeon and her undergrad degree was in comparative literature. Also, with the way the world is going , environmental science majors will be desirable in the job market.</p>

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<p>DadII</p>

<p>The other evening I was privileged to hear a presentation by an in-coming college president who will take the helm of a highly regarded liberal arts college on June 1. One point this individual emphasized is that our children can expect to change not just jobs, but also careers, multiple times over the course of their working years. The ones who are starting in engineering will not necessarily continue in engineering until retirement. In fact, it is highly unlikely that they will do so. By the same token, this year's English major may find him or herself re-tooling for an as yet undreamed of career field in five or ten years.</p>

<p>I know that you want financial security for your daughter - isn't it part of what all of us want for our kids? But the simple truth is that we don't know what the future holds. For her, environmental science may be the very best choice of all.</p>

<p>So, when your friends are saying, "Why is DaughterII studying THAT?", the only answer you need to give is, "Because she wants to." If they ask, "Why on earth do you let her?", your answer is, "I see no reason not to support her choice of profession, provided it is legal to pursue that profession in this country."</p>

<p>Wishing you, and all of your family, all the very best.</p>

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<p>I agree with the above posters but if you are still concerned about money and status: my younger sister graduated with a degree in environmental science. She is now a lawyer making at least three times what I earn (I majored in business.)
You never know how things are going to turn out.</p>

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<p>DadII,
I'm in the same boat as you. My daughter picked even more useless major than your daughter did, but I think the saving grace is that there is still graduate school. I see Environmental Science is a great undergraduate major because you can go to Med school, Law School, or MBA school. I would not worry. I often laugh after I heard what other people react to my daughter's major.</p>

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<p>Maybe you could bring up environmental engineering as a suggestion?</p>

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<p>DADII--it is very clear that you have a remarkably talented daughter, and you have every right to be proud of her. I would be willing to bet that as she gets further into her field, she will decide to concentrate in specific fields relating to environmental science that will require a law, medicine, or engineering degree. I would think that the knowledge she will gain as an undergraduate at a school with a great reputation in this particular field will benefit her greatly and place her heads and shoulders above those with more traditional degrees.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
As I have disclosed before, our strong minded DD picked "environmental science". "oh" is the typical response I got when people heard of that and a somewhat different look.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Perhaps your friends could cultivate better manners, because the only appropriate response is "oh, really, environmental science? Sounds fascinating - hope she enjoys it! Wish her the best of luck and say hello to her for me!" </p>

<p>What gives them any right to make any kind of comment on what her major is, when it's none of their business or concern in the least? Do they simply not realize how completely inappropriate they are?</p>

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<p>Hey! You sound exactly like my dad! </p>

<p>I dunno, the most I can offer is my perspective: my dad grew up dirt poor in China (both his parents are illiterate), managed through hard work and incredible skill to get his phD in the States and even now works about 16-20 hours a day (I'm not kidding). He loves what he does (cancer research) even though the hours are INSANE and the pay isn't great, and I've lived in fear my entire life of letting him down. More likely than not, your daughter knows exactly how many sacrifices her parents have made for her and really does appreciate it, even if she doesn't show it or say it. More likely than not, her choice to go to whatever amazing college she's going to has been directly influenced by you. I'm not saying you pushed her to go to HYP or anything like that, but rather that she was <em>inspired</em> by your struggles to push <em>herself.</em> </p>

<p>Sooo...I say let her do her own thing in college. I mean, it's not like she chose to major in like, medieval renaissance literature or something (not that there's anything wrong with that). My dad would probably die of happiness if I chose to major in something even vaguely science-related. And like others have said, you can always switch majors. College is a time to discover what <em>you</em> want to do, and you've already helped her get further in life than most people do.</p>

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<p>Major != occupation != profitabilty</p>

<p>And I think this is the key thing to look at. I don't think it's necessarily a finances versus passion conflict. There are a lot of lucrative ways to apply a background in environmental science. (From civil service to being a consultant or sustainable practices and agriculture.) </p>

<p>Besides, this is only undergrad, too...</p>