<p>This is the essay I sent into Brown University with my application...If you don't mind reading it, tell me what you guys think of it!</p>
<p>I'd really appreciate a review.</p>
<p>I'm not trying to be mean here!</p>
<p>1,532 words is way too long, and you could have cut out a lot of excess sentences. A good essay can be done in less than 500 words. No offense but a lot of it is rather ambiguous and not specific; I got a bored reading a lot of ambiguous stuff in it. </p>
<p>Imagine reading this to another person: you're just telling him about your life, not showing it. Your essay is basically a resume, and admissions people don't want to read it because that's what the application is for. Basically, they're just reading a second application by you, not an essay. Show, not tell.</p>
<p>Well I disagree with you because I believe there is an obvious direction and message I'm relaying in this essay, but thanks for reading it.</p>