I'll grade your essay if you grade mine

<p>Just post it here or link me to your forum.</p>

<p>PROMPT: Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power?</p>

<p>Some people believe conscience is a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power. This proves to be false, as shown in numerous literary works, including The Crucible by Arthur Miller, Macbeth by Shakespeare, and The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. The characters in these works base many of their actions on money, power, or fame even if it meant going against their conscience.</p>

<p>As demonstrated in The Crucible, a play based off the Salem Witch Trials, the main character Abigail Williams leads the false accusations of witchcraft against the townspeople in order to put her in a position of power and get attention from her strict Puritan elders. These false accusations lead to the death of many innocent men and women who have done no wrong against her. Her actions illustrate that she ignored her conscience and sent many to their deaths for her own gain.</p>

<p>Furthermore, in the play Macbeth by William Shakespeare, the title character Macbeth becomes filled with depravity after hearing of the three witches' prophecy that he will someday become King of Scotland. He eventually ignores his conscience and along with his wife the Lady Macbeth plots to kill the king in order to fulfill the prophecy. Immediately after killing the king, he becomes fearful of the consequences but once he is crowned the new king, he ignores these thoughts and kills all those that suspect or oppose him in order to maintain his position, reputation, and wealth. </p>

<p>Moreover, in The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, the renowned clergyman of the town, Arthur Dimmesdale, secretly committed adultery with Hester Prynne, who has become an outsider becomes of her sin. Dimmesdale does not reveal that he is equally guilty despite his conscience killing him because he wants to hold on to his name and power. Thus he lets his conscience eat away at him and keeps his status until more than seven years after.</p>

<p>After a careful analysis of these works by Arthur Miller, William Shakespeare, and Nathaniel Hawthorne, one can, indeed, see that power, fame, and wealth often influence and motivate people more than their conscience does. People will often do what will benefit themselves rather than do what is right.</p>

<p>On a 1-6 scale, I would grade this essay at a 3. This was due to the fact that you did not show any increased knowledge in vocabulary, a crucial part in your essay. In addition you received a 3 because you restated the same source example twice. When writing the SAT essay, I recommend writing about 3 distinct examples, whether they are related to history, literature, or personal experience.</p>

<p>Thanks! Yeah midway through the essay I realized I had no SAT words and I was like oops.</p>

<p>So I shouldn’t write all about books?</p>

<p>I would give this essay a 5/12 because it lacks mainly strong vocabulary. Your examples are all from literature and books that have the same idea which is wrong. You should have an example from literature or books, another from history, and a third from personal experience or nowaday events you understand. The introduction should be an attractive one that attracts the reader’s attention. The examples should be like I said previously, and the conclusion should be the restatement of the introduction.</p>

<p>Okay, vocab and a variety of different examples.
Thanks! ^_^</p>