I'll love you forever if you grade my essay!

Test Preparation
1

<p>Sorry for the dramatic title. Had to get your attention somehow.
So, I just wrote an SAT essay. Essays are my weakness (though this one was decent). Ergo, I would like some help on grading my essay. I'd reaaaaaally appreciate it, even if you don't really have much to say. I typed it as is, grammatical errors and all.</p>

<p>Prompt: "Do you agree that progress is always positive? </p>

<p>There is no doubt that much has been achieved over the course of human history through change and adaptation. The civil rights and women's rights movements are prime examples of this. however, progress is not always for the better, even if at first sight they seem benign.</p>

<p>For example, the futuristic world depicted in Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 brims with technology and "progress," from four-walled televisions to in-ear radios. However, as enjoyable as this would seem, there is a darker side to this world. The myriad technology has lead to superficiality in the real world. At one point in the novel, the main character's wife refuses to leave the house or talk to Montag, her husband, preferring to indulge in the life portrayed in a soap opera. She eventually attempts suicide, feeling so closed off from real life. Although the technology described in Fahrenheit 451 seems like a positive change, it has actually doomed their civilization to disillusionment.</p>

<p>The agricultural revolution has also affected humankind significantly, producing what some call "progress" and transitioning the human species from a hunter-gatherer society to an agricultural one. Although some claim this has allowed increased leisure time, this is certainly not the case. Hunger-gatherer societies would gather for a short while and still have plenty of time for play and socializing. Not only this, but the agrarian society has also lead to social stratification, a less varied diet (as grains are the staple of an agrarian diet), and a more sedentary lifestyle. This has lead to health conditions and other problems not usually found in hunter-gatherer populations. Even such an innocuous thing such as agriculture, as seemingly progressive as it seems, is not always for the better.</p>

<p>When an innovation is made, there are two ways it can continue: It can become a success or a failure. This is not to say that agriculture or technology is all negative. I, for one, would not know what to do if the aforementioned did not exist. However, the unintended consequences show that not all things progressive and revolutionary can truly be called progressive.</p>

2

<p>I’d say 10/12, possibly 11/12.</p>

3

<p>10/12</p>

<p>You really need to work on your intro. Make your thesis clear, and strong. Tbh, I almost gave you a 0 for writing off-topic and failing to assert an argument.</p>

<p>For your intro “progress is not always for the better, even if at first sight they seem benign.” is your highlight. Write the intro around this idea. Also, introduce your examples after your thesis. Otherwise, readers might think you’re writing off-topic.</p>

<p>Everything else is good, given you did this in 25 minutes and filled up the entire 2 pages.</p>

4

<p>Thank you for the feedback; I really do appreciate it. How would you recommend structuring the intro? I find that it tends to be my weak point. </p>

<p>And I’ve got one more for you guys:</p>

<p>Topic: “Do you think that we need adversity to find who we really are?”</p>

<p>There’s the old saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” reflecting the idea that overcoming hardship leads to discovery of self and a strengthening of character. This saying has a great deal of truth to it: many figures that are forever inscribed in the annals of history have stared into the face of adversity and come out stronger for it.</p>

<p>One such woman is Oprah Winfrey, the first African-American woman to become a billionaire, and a media mogul. As a child, she grew up in poverty. In fact, her peers often ridiculed her for her potato sack dresses that she wore to school. As a young adult, she became a trouble-maker, as many at-risk youth do. However, she straightened out her life when she was sent to her Uncle’s: She began doing well in school and cleaned up her behavior. In adulthood, she built her media empire on her very own talk show, The Oprah Show, where she not only interviewed other people who are or were in difficult circumstances such as the one she grew up in, but also shared her own stories, demonstrating the enormous compassion instilled in her by her life events. It is only through the challenges she has overcome that Oprah was able to discover her true calling and develop theh strong character she has today.</p>

<p>Another revered figure who lead a difficult life is Franklin Delano Roosevelt, president of the United States during the Great Depression. During childhood, Roosevelt was afflicted with polio, which left him confined to a wheelchair. But this unfortunate event in no way damped his desire for greatness. Elected as the Depression struck, Roosevelt revolutionized the banking system, created work programs that gave the unemployed work, and began a wave of conservationism that still continues today, despite his opponents deriding him at every corner. The man remembered today is remembered because of his battle against adversity, which took both the form of polio and the worst economic downturn to ever face the United States. he could not have been such a great president without these challenges.</p>

<p>In many instances, what someone is remembered for is overcoming challenges, from poverty to a crisis. The stories of Oprah and Franklin D. Roosevelt inspire people today to overcome even the greatest of obstacles in order to become great and find their niche in life.</p>