I'm 2848 miles away from home, and I need help.

Parents Forum
1

<p>So, the first week of college has come and past and it has been the hardest week of my life. One, is to recognize when my mental health is at risk, and two, is to reach out for help. </p>

<p>So I've literally spent most my first week crying over my family. It sucks. I miss my mom, and my step-dad, and my baby sister and since they're across the damn country, it's really hard for me to reach out for help. I recognized the issue the first day I came here--I couldn't stop the need to cry. So, I filled out some forms in the health office and got myself some counseling. They have helping things for people going through transitions, and although I've been through many transitions in my life, I've never been through one without my family. I miss them more and more every day and I literally just want to drop out, go home, and hug my sister for forever. </p>

<p>But, I can't. I feel bad because I was accepted into a study abroad program in Scotland for the spring semester, and I'm not sure I can do it anymore. I feel like I'd be disappointing my mom if I told her that I needed to transfer closer to home, where I could commute or just be able to go home at the end of the day. She had me when she was a teenager, so it's a big deal for her that I have this opportunity. She says she's supportive, but I know that deep inside it hurts her. It sucks.</p>

<p>My baby sister also means the world to me. My mom had her when I was fourteen, so I've had a huge hand in helping to raise her. She's literally the reason I do anything good in my life, and she's my main support system. It's tough to put that on a four year old, but its the truth. I'd be nowhere near where I am today if I didn't push myself for her. I don't know, I just...its hard to explain. Loving someone so much hurts. </p>

<p>The thing that's making me go haywire is a) my Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and b) what I believe to be signs of my impending clinical depression. I literally cannot keep any food down. Last friday, the day my mom left, I almost puked from what I'd eaten, and it wasn't much. It wasn't that i wasn't hungry, it was that the high stressful levels didn't help me keep it down. I cried myself to sleep, even though my mom was at a hotel nearby. Why?</p>

<p>Because it was my last day with her (college wise), and they didn't let me spend it with her. They separated us from our parents the middle of the day, kept us apart until three thirty, and then told us to say goodbye at four thirty. It was the hardest thing I ever did, so I snuck out of orientation the next day and spent the night with my mom. Then, I had to take some placement tests so I went to take them. Then I had to say goodbye to my mom and pretend like I was completely normal. I wasn't. </p>

<p>One of the reasons I'd chosen this school was because my parents had told me that they were going to move to a city nearby, which I was excited about since I'd only be two hours away. Then, my dad got a job offer in our current city and he's considering taking it. They're trying their best not to, but it's huge. So that just increases my stressful levels, since that was one of the main reasons I chose the school. </p>

<p>The counseling center luckily set up an emergency meeting for me, recognizing how I was feeling. They put me on a thirty six hour plan so that I could be okay, and then they're meeting with me tomorrow morning. I've only been able to take down liquids recently, and I'm literally hating everything about it. I try to look at the positives, and then I just remember my family and I want to cry. </p>

<p>I want to go home so, so bad. I don't want to be here anymore. Its been a week, and I don't want to be here. Dorming is not meant for me. I also kind of needed to vent to someone that wasn't my mom so that she wouldn't feel bad anymore. On the parent's network, they've been offering to help me and all of that, but its so much more than that. I just want my mom, and my sister, and my dad. I know the usual thing to tell me is to stick it out and keep going, and although the classes are a good distraction and what not, I'm not much of a 'college life' type of person. I'm more of a stay home, read a book, spend time with family type of person. </p>

<p>I just miss my mom. She's my best friend, she's the best thing ever. I know I can do college, but I need to be closer to home. This is absolutely awful, and the thoughts that have been springing into my mind lately are of no help at all. </p>

<p>Thank you for reading this. It's kind of long, and sad, but i needed someone to tell this to. </p>

2

<p>First, you are doing the right thing getting help. The desperation comes through in your writing. I’m a mom who also has a lot of pride and hopes and dreams for my sons. But I’d much rather they come home and be safe than far away and miserable. Not all paths are straight. You can still accomplish your long-range goals. Don’t be afraid to let your mom know how you feel.</p>

3

<p>Wow! I’d suggest you meet with your counseling center tomorrow and see what they can recommend and how they can help. Were you seeing any counselor before you went to college? Would that person be able to speak with you on the phone and help you? Sounds like you’re really going through a lot, but please work with your counseling center.</p>

<p>I’m sure your mom and family are proud of you that you are trying to be more independent. Good luck and see what tomorrow brings.</p>

4

<p>Go to the counselor tomorrow and see what they say. There is nothing, NOTHING more important than your health and you are doing all the right things. This sounds far and above typical home sickness. </p>

<p>Focus on your health and be open with your mom. It sounds like she cares deeply for you and I’m sure wants nothing but the best for you. <em>virtual hugs</em> </p>

5

<p>Go to the counseling center and make sure to tell them everything that you’ve told us.</p>

<p>Every year, they work with people who have an unusually hard time with the start of college. They have experience in figuring out which students can overcome the problems and which students need to take a leave of absence. </p>

<p>So work with them. And make sure to mention that you haven’t been able to eat. It may be helpful for you to see a medical doctor too, at the college’s health center. </p>

6

<p>(((( @justadrizzle‌ ))))
I hope you are able to meet with a counselor today.</p>

<p>I will share a technique that a shrink taught me once, which I hope will help you. When you feel so upset that you can’t eat and almost have to puke, that is your amygdala in the fight or flight response. Your brain sees separation from your mom as a mortal threat basically, that’s why you are in physical fear, which is causing your physical stress reactions. </p>

<p>Now to get through the panic attacks, here is a trick to calm down your heart which in turn calms down your brain, because they are one system ultimately. Do this when you feel like overwhelmed, & shaky, about to puke- anytime the stress is peaking. This is a simple but very powerful technique.</p>

<p>Close your eyes.
Picture in your mind something or someone you love - how about your kid sister smiling at you, or sleeping innocently.
Breathe in slowly while counting to seven (1…2…3…4…5…6…7)
Breathe out slowly while counting to seven (1…2…3…4…5…6…7)
Keep picturing the image, while feeling the emotion of love or joy that image or memory brings you.
Keep doing this and you will reach a calm and peaceful state. Guaranteed.</p>

<p>Hope that helps.
Also, how about talking to your mom & family every night via skype or facetime?</p>

7

<p>Continue doing what you are doing and see the counselor. As hard as it is try and see if you can join a group activiity and make some friends. It will help distract you from your worries and might even help you feel better. It is just the first week it will get better. Good luck.</p>

8

<p>First of all, let me give you a big old mom hug, both arms wrapped around you and hold you tight. Okay. Now stop crying because you are going to be alright. You really are.</p>

<p>Look, you can always go home. You can be home in 5 hours or so. You are only one plane ride away and there are planes eveyday. So you are not really that far from home. </p>

<p>Nothing at home has changed. Nothing. You mom is still doing what she does. Your sister is doing her little kids thing. Just like very day for the last few years. You are not missing anything. Your high school friends are for the most part no longer right there so there is no one hanging out even if you did go home.</p>

<p>Good job going to counseling. We are proud of you for showing very adult qualities and asking for help because you know you can’t do this alone. Good job! You already are showing an ability to take control of your environment.</p>

<p>So get through today. Get through this morning.Thats all. Daytime is easier. Being busy is easier. Having a plan for your time is easier. And as stupid as it sounds smiling will help you feel better. So put on a fake smile and start your day. </p>

<p>It will be okay because you can always be home in about 5 hours or so. Really. So give it a try this morning. You have nothing to lose. Call your counselor if you need to. Go over there and sit in the office if you need to.</p>

<p>Everyone is homesick. Everyone. They are all putting on fake smiles and feeling lost and trying to figure this out. You are not alone in this. </p>

<p>And if it is all too much, if you really need to you can always go home. So you are not stuck there forever. You can ask the school for a leave of absence. You can always ask if you can start next year. There are all sorts of options you have not even thought about. So don’t worry. Don’t feel like you have to do something right now.</p>

<p>Remember, you can always leave and be home in a day. There is no right way or wrong way to live your life. No one is watching. No one is evaluating what you do. Don’t make this bigger than it needs to be right now. Just get through the day.</p>

<p>Nights are tough for everyone so ask your counselor what you can do if you need immediate help at night. It is good to have a plan.</p>

<p>Have a good day. Give it a try. One hour, one morning , one night at a time. </p>

9

<p>Transfer.
All your reasons exist for very many others. And many choose to be close from home even later when they are much older in Grad. School. D. just drew a radius on a map and did not apply further than 4 hrs of driving (for UG) and 5.5 hrs (for Med. School). She did not think that she would tolerate being further away and she was concernd that people are way too different at far away places (which was the reasons for several transfers among the friends’ kids). I personally know very many cases, when the situation, unfortunately, did not get better. I do not want to be negative, but I would not want my kid to suffer for no reason whatsoever. There are plenty places around your hometown that will fit your personality and wide range of interests and goals. </p>

10

<p>I agree with MiamiDAP. Sounds like you need to be closer to home. Everyone is different, and this is about <em>your</em> needs. You shouldn’t need to “tough it out.” You know what you need. Act on it.</p>

11

<p>Let’s let the trained professionals get to work before advising heading home.</p>

<p>The weird thing about anxiety/depression- it travels with you.</p>

12

<p>If the OP didn’t want other opnions (besides the “trained professionals,” whom she’s already contacted), the OP wouldn’t have posted in this thread. </p>

13

<p>Telling her to go home and transfer is not an opinion. You don’t know this kid. You don’t know if there’s a medical history here. You don’t know if she’s been treated for an eating disorder (OP- I’m not suggesting that you have) whereby her current problems with food would be a “first alert” for her medical team.</p>

<p>So in the absence of a medical history, telling her to stay the course with her treatment seems like the only responsible advice to a vulnerable teenager.</p>

<p>for god’s sake- you are talking to a kid in distress.</p>

14

<p>Blossom, the mistake would be not to tell the OP that they can go home. Staying the course might not be the best option, we don’t know, but the OP needs to know they have choices. </p>

15

<p>Transferring could be the best option and should be considered, but dealing with her current distress is the primary objective.</p>

16

<p>Give yourself this semester to make the decision. Don’t think about the whole year, just focus on this semester. If you still feel the same way then, you will know what the right decision is. But try to enjoy where you are for the moment, and take it one day at a time instead of focusing on the long-term.</p>

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<p>Update: I went to counseling today, and we made a plan for six weeks. If I don’t like it after six weeks, we’ll look into transferring and what not. I don’t have a past with an eating disorder, but I do have one with depression–I haven’t been clinically seen for it, but there’s been some dark periods in my life where I’ve almost gone over the deep end. I think that the issue is that I’m having a dark period right now, and since going to my mom was my coping mechanism, I don’t have it anymore. So i’m in distress. I’m also one of the few students at this school who has moved very far away, and though there are other kids suffering, I’m the one suffering the most. It’s only been the first week, but I don’t feel comfortable here. I honestly just want to spend time with someone I know, or have known, and it sucks not having it. I feel all alone, even though I’m surrounded by so many. </p>

<p>It doesn’t help that I feel so guilty that I’m not liking it, and my parents have spent so much of what little we have to get me here. I just dont’ want to bother them with these feelings. That’s why I came here. I hadn’t been able to come to visit for Orientation, or any event prior that would help me get adjusted, so it was a really sudden change that I didn’t want. So…yeah. Update there. </p>

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<p>@justadrizzle: Thank you for the update. We are pulling for you to make it through this!</p>

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<p>That’s a great update You seem to have a good handle on why you are feeling so bad and now you have a good plan to move forward .If you keep feeling really bad you might ask your mom to get you an appointment to have all your hormone levels checked. As you know hormones can really mess with your head and its not only the monthly changes. So get them checked out (endocrinologist would be good) when you get a chance.</p>

<p>Come back if you need a hug…many parents are here with hugs to spare!</p>

20

<p>My son was in a similar situation, almost exactly the same distance from home! He fell mentally ill his first semester in college. To this day, I am SO PROUD of him for realizing that there was a problem and asking for help! He stuck it out for a year, and then moved home. He attends our local university now. He needs a lot of support, but he’s doing well. Believe me, your family will be proud of you for getting help. You have an ILLNESS. If it were cancer, you wouldn’t feel like you had to apologize!</p>

<p>Lots of hugs. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I’m so glad you can share here.</p>