I haven’t been to a single party or anything at all. I had friends in HS but I don’t have anyone at college that I would call a friend. It sucks because I get so bored on the weekends because there is nothing for me to do. Same during the week, as I eat alone, and barely talk to anyone outside of class. Unfortunately my school doesn’t have frats so I can’t join one and none of the clubs interest me as I went to one a few times and it was awkward. And for intramural sports you need people to make a team, which is obviously a problem for me.
Do you have a roommate? A good step would be to get to know the people you live with.
I’m sure that many people have the same problem as you, and that you’re not alone. However, if you go out and get to know your classmates better, I’m sure that will be a few who will enjoy spending time with you.
The important rule is not to give up! The best way to make friends is not to wait for one, but to be one. Even if clubs are awkward, you’ll end up nowhere if you hide yourself from the rest of the community. Find someone who shares your interests — that is the best way to make a friend. If you seriously have sustained difficulties getting to know people, your professors and counselor can and will help if you approach them.
I do have a roommate but that’s all we really are. I talk to people in class and am cool with them there it’s just I don’t have any outside/I don’t hang out with any of them
I’ve dealt with the same kind of stuff you’re going through before, and I’ve found that the best way out of this situation is simply to ask people do do stuff with you. You’re likely not going to feel like great friends at first, but friendships are like Ikea furniture, building them is confusing and takes a fair amount of work; you don’t just get them premade upon arrival - something that I’ve only recently fully realized.
Invite the people in your classes that you talk with or your roommate to hang out with you, maybe for lunch in the cafeteria, a walk, or a cultural event in the area. Talk with them, ask them about their lives and their feelings, and start to foster a nurturing relationship. It might be tough, but you can do it.
My daughter is going through the same thing. And she doesn’t even have a roommate. I will give you the advice I gave her. Open up your world. Does your college have volunteer activities? Join that. My daughter started going to church and met some people through that. Join a club. It is so hard but you have to get out there to find people. You will if you can get out of your room. Hugs to you from a mom.
Visit the fitness center. Ask someone how to use a machine you’re not familiar with, maybe take a class. See if there’s a signup sheet for intramural teams that need another person or two. You will feel better physically even if you don’t strike up any conversations, but do try.
It can be hard to approach a big group, but look around the dining hall for someone else who’s alone (or a group of two) and ask, “OK if I join you?” Or as you’re leaving a class near lunch or dinner, ask a classmate or two if they’re headed for lunch.
Tonight, walk around your dorm and check the lounges, common rooms, even the laundry room for students who look like they have no plans. Introduce yourself, ask a simple question like, “What floor are you on?” If you can turn that into a little conversation, then be ready with “I’m headed to the coffee shop/pizza place/frozen yogurt place. Want to come?”
Lots of students have people they are friendly with from first semester, but are still trying to make a few good friends. So smile, be friendly and approachable.
Do you have a job? A part time job can be a way to meet people. How about trying volunteer activities on ir near campus? My kid’s college offers some opportunities for students to volunteer. What about activities that require more “doing” than just club meetings – student newspaper, or ask if the theater area needs help with sets or something.
Actually I did think of volunteering this semester when I was on break, I just need more information. Thanks for the hug internet mom haha.
I love the analogy
A lot of good advice here. For every situation in life that you want to change in a positive direction…you must be proactive and take some action yourself to make it change. And to make it change you must step out of your comfort zone, and not just once or twice then decide “that didn’t work.” But over and over again until being social at a level that satifies you becomes kind of your new habit. You can do it. If you really really want it to change, you will do it, you have to do it. There’s no other way.
What about other people in your hall? Since you live together you have the opportunity to interact and do things together with them even if you are not really close with your roommate. In addition, you can go to some of the programs provided by your RA or even suggest some programs that you would find enjoyable. As a person who went to a bunch of programs my year and now a current RA, they love this and really want to build that hall community.
What happened with the clubs? You could always try another club if you didn’t like the one you went to. If those clubs that you went to didn’t suit you, there are usually hundreds of different clubs on a college campus, sooner or later you will find one that you like and click with the people. I agree with other users on trying things more than once and reaching out to other people. The only “can’t” or restrictions on the situation are the ones you put forward by yourself. However, if you are willing to experiment and try new things, you will find yourself surrounded by a bunch of people that could become your potential friends.
you don’t go to college just to be social, op
But being lonely and bored isn’t conducive to being happy or productive, so don’t put down what is a very legitimate part of life.
A lot of church people are nice… I went to church a few times and the people there try to force you to be their friends. I didn’t like that, but if you do, then give it a go.
Also, you said you are a freshman. You should text one of your class buds and ask them if they’re gonna eat at the cafeteria soon or something. Or maybe plan a study session for an upcoming midterm and go to lunch or dinner afterwards.
I know how you feel – I’m an introvert myself and hate being with people. I also spend lots of time on the weekends at the library or by myself, but I don’t feel too sad about it. You don’t need many friends! You just need 1 or 2 good ones.