<p>I am going through a really rough time right now. I feel really depressed and really upset about what my life has become. I know it could be a lot worse but I feel so low I seriously contemplated hurting myself today. </p>
<p>In high school I planned to get into my dream college and then eventually go to medical school. I got into my dream school but after one semester I realized I couldn't afford to stay there all 4 years so I transferred to a college really close to home. I have had to pay my own way through college so I have worked all four years. I am a senior this year and I am completely scared of graduating. I hate my major and I have no real career goals anymore. I started out as pre med but I learned it was tough to balance those classes and work. I ended up failing two classes and changing my major to psychology. My family is supportive but they are also really messed up. My sister is chronically ill and my mom is just crazy. I had to move out because I was fighting with her so much because she tries to control my life. I am 21 and I feel like I have no future. I just got a new job and internship and I feel like all I do is screw up at both. My internship leader bullies me into taking on more than I signed up for and can handle. I agreed to only 10 hours a week but I've been working around 20 at my internship on top of my job. She makes me miss classes for my internship and interferes with my work schedule. My new job is at a sports shop but I have no real knowledge of sports and I was thrown on the floor by myself. No one was there to help me and a bunch of customers were asking me questions. I got flustered and couldn't answer all of their questions. My boss doesn't seem too happy with me. I graduate this summer and I'm just lost. I feel suicidal. I'm not sure I could act on my thoughts but I'm at such a low point in life </p>
<p>I don't have friends or anyone to talk to or ask for advice. I feel like a total screw up. All my high school classmates went to ivy league schools and are graduating with high honors. I was in IB and graduated with an IB diploma. I had high hopes. Last semester I had some major health issues and I had to withdrawal from 2 of my classes and tried to concentrate on the other two. I got an A in one (my online class) and an F in the other because I was so exhausted I couldn't go to school. I didn't medically withdrawal because I would have had to pay back the financial aid office (i didn't have the money) and take another semester off school (so I wouldn't graduate until the fall). My GPA is pretty low (2.8) and I have no idea if I could even get into grad school at this point. I can't help but feel disappointed in myself. I just need advice on how to get through these feelings. I have no self esteem and I cry almost everyday. I'm just burnt out on life right now. Any advice on how to deal with this situation?</p>
<p>Please visit your schools consoling services. You need help and the advice they could give you.</p>
<p>I actually have already looked into that. I spoke with one of their counselors but she was not helpful and in fact kind of rude. I also don’t want to be a grad student’s “project” either (they have supervised grad students providing services) so I ended up not continuing my sessions there.</p>
<p>Perhaps you should speak to your doctor then?</p>
<p>You do need some sort of help. Depresssion is not something to toy with.</p>
<p>That also isn’t an option for me. I can’t see my doctor. I have racked up so much medical debt that I can’t afford to go back unless its an emergency. Last semester I was at the neurologist quite often and the bills are very expensive.</p>
<p>Well, how about someone you trust, a mentor or someone like that?</p>
<p>Sometimes i find if i talk to another person about my issues, it doesn’t seem as bad.</p>
<p>You need professional help and probably medication for depression. If you won’t go anywhere else, look into county services. It could be a life changer for you. So much of this is just attitude that goes with depression. Start saying ‘no’ at work. Tell them you need to finish schoolwork first before working more than the 10 agree hours. Most important, you have to put treatment first and be willing to work with what you can get. All this will pass. Keep at it.</p>
<p>Try going to church. Lots of people will be happy to talk with you.</p>
<p>Hi biologynerd,
I responded to your similar post on the cafe thread, but it looks like you are getting more replies here, so I will join. Looking back at some of your past threads, it seems like you’ve been through some difficult times. Unsure of your major, had to hold down a job and pay for college, etc. It makes sense that you would be feeling a little sick of it all by now (you’re a senior, right?). This sounds strange, but I also think this is a tough time of year for many people. The bustle of the holiday season (whether or not you celebrate, it rubs off on you) is over, but the spring isn’t here yet. If you live in a northern climate, it’s even tougher, because you’re missing the greenery and the buds and such. Daylight hours are still short, and some people experience seasonal affective disorder. I think I remember reading once that spring is the most common time to experience stress-related illnesses of the body.
OK, so how does all that help you? 1) You may not be alone in feeling this way. In fact, I’m pretty sure of it. 2) Your feelings may be temporary. Keeping those two things in mind may help.
Maybe you need to open up and think a little more creatively. It seems like you had this idea of your future from a young age, what your major would be, your profession, your life. When things didn’t pan out exactly that way, you took it hard. In my opinion, it’s time to stop thinking about what would be successful and time to start thinking about what you enjoy doing. If your family is hard to deal with (you say they are supportive, but that there are problems), minimize your negative interactions with them.
Do you like to exercise? Working out in any way - going for a run, taking a yoga class on campus, putting on your earphones and dancing wildly in your room for 20 minutes - will lift your mood, especially if you do it regularly.
Set small goals for yourself.
“Today I will admit calmly to a customer that I don’t know the answer to their question, smile, excuse myself, and go find the answer without panicking or feeling bad.”
“Today I will exercise for 30 minutes.”
“Today I will go to class, even if I’m worried because I’m unprepared or have missed other classes. I will still show up and sit in the seat.” “Today I will eat only healthy foods.”
Whenever you meet your goals, give yourself credit. Smile. Pat yourself on the back (if you can reach!). Repeat your goal and acknowledge that you did it.
Think of what makes you feel good. Posting on CC? Go ahead. Do it every day. Doodling? Listening to music? Watering and pruning a houseplant? Cooking? What did little biologynerd like to do way back when? Try to reconnect with your own pleasure and happiness in a way that has nothing to do with your expectations or your definition of success.
Next, find some way to interact with others. Online if need be, but in person is even better. Give something to others. It will make you feel amazing. I know that you are very busy, but volunteer even 1 hour to clean up a park, tutor a little kid, serve in a soup kitchen. You will come out of it feeling proud of yourself, generous, fortunate. And you may make some friends among the other volunteers.
I agree with the others that sharing your problems with someone else would also be helpful, but I don’t know that much about resources for this. If you feel comfortable in a church, synagogue, or mosque, find the nearest one and see if a chaplain will speak with you. Look for a support group in your area online. These are my thoughts.
Believe in yourself. If there is one aspect that seems to be missing from your past posts, it’s that, IMO. You have gifts to share with the world.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your input. Testobsessed you are right. Thank you for your kind words. I am just so stressed, overwhelmed and sick of how things have turned out. I feel like I never got to fully experience college because I was worried about so many other extraneous things and I never really took the time to figure out my passion. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m worn out and I’ve bottled my problems for so long that they just unraveled. And now I’m trying to figure out how to move on to the next stage of my life without being miserable.</p>
<p>Trust me, we all go through this. You are not alone :)</p>
<p>I do agree with the goals idea. I often do that one and just doing that makes me feel better.</p>
<p>We all have our ways of dealing with hardship. If something doesn’t work, try something else.</p>
<p>Don’t ever take so much depression because ups and downs are the parts of life and also when you feel so much depression than go to church, you will feel much better than before.</p>
<p>Keep us posted biologynerd. Tell us about the little things you are accomplishing.
I’m rooting for you.</p>