I'm alone

College Life
1

I’m a freshman in university. I moved from the country I used to live in to the country where my parents are from. I moved with my parents. Now let’s get to the problem, I have no friends over here so I try to act friendly since I’m new. Ever since I started the semester I tried my best to join clubs and stuff to get to know people, but every single person  I meet and start to know just doesn’t end up being a friend. I can’t even have a proper conversation with someone. The problem isn’t just that. I tend to be on the smart nerdy geeky side, as for other freshmen I try my best to get A’s so everyone comes to me for help in studying.  And after the exam they don’t even look at me when passing by. So after that I started to ignore people who pass by me because I’m scared of having an awkward meaningless conversation. And for the older students that I try to be friends with, I usually meet them or get to know them through events or clubs, and the problem over here is that all of them have their group of friends and I would be the outsider. So my relationship with them will just be a business relationship when they need my help in an event or so… I only have a couple of kinda real friends and they are not really that close to me. I have no one to talk to about my problems, not an old friend or a family member that I trust enough coz I’m pretty sure that they wouldn’t keep a secret. I feel depressed and I cant enjoy my life anymore. I spend my time either playing games on my phone or eating. I ended up here so I figured out that I could share my story and see if im the only one and ask for opinions. :slight_smile:

Edit: and I forgot to mention that I tend to over think about my life status and the situations I go through every day which makes me feel worse about myself and about my life.

2

Hey! College junior here. I spent my first two years, especially my second feeling the same way. I’m very introverted and shy, while most of my friends (which, I would say I have two close-ish friends) are extroverts with large friend groups. I started feeling like an outsider because I never really contributed anything to conversations, like if I wasn’t there, no one would miss me. It’s kind of normal at my school for everyone to complain about how stressed and busy they are, and how they’re never going to get into med school, lol. But I didn’t feel like I could really open up to them, mostly because I need constant reassurance, which probably gets annoying.

So, some things that have helped me:

[ul]
[li]Going to my school’s counseling center. If you have one, I would highly recommend going. Like you, I felt very depressed; turns out I was actually clinically depressed. Therapy and medication really helped change my perspective about my friends, and also feel less anxious about talking to people. I highly, highly stress the importance of this one if it’s available. Even if you aren’t depressed, therapy is a way to get your issues off your chest.[/li][li]Keep the flame alive. If you ignore people (or let them ignore you), the relationship will die. After an exam, ask one of the people you helped how they think they did, and how you didn’t expect that one topic to be on there, and you definitely made a stupid mistake there. Being open with them will encourage them to be open with you. Also, it’s not weird or needy to ask people if you can hang out with them. If you eat in a dining hall and see someone you know, ask them if you can sit with them. Or if you see a few people from your class studying together, ask if you can join them. If you don’t know someone super well, the best things to do with them, IMO, are eat and study. Or even just randomly text someone in the evening and ask if you can hang out wherever they are. I’ve had to do this a lot because my friends and I are all busy, and we can only hang out once or twice a week.[/li][li]Just because it feels awkward, doesn’t mean it is. What you might think is not a proper conversation, the other person might not even notice. And if you feel weird hanging out with someone who has friends, it’s not. That’s the only way I make friends, haha, by joining someone I kind of know and introducing myself to his friends. I always thought that my not saying anything was really obvious, but it turns out that my friends talk so much, they don’t even notice, lol. [/li][li]Not everyone has “super BFFs.” I’ve realized that some of the most social and popular people I know don’t feel particularly close to anyone. And that’s okay. Cultivate the relationships you have with your “kinda real friends.” Utilize Internet forums; you’re never alone on the Internet, lol. Learn to be okay being alone sometimes; instead of using that idle time to ruminate on your flaws, find something fun to do. Work out; watch TV; game because they’re fun, not to fill a void.[/li][/ul]
Remember, the thing about college is that new people arrive every year, and you’ll meet new people in every new class you take. There are many, many opportunities to make friends. Don’t stress too much about it.

3

Thanks for the nice words, lets hope that it works :slight_smile:

4

I don’t think you realize how common this is with many students. My dd went through this in her freshman and junior years. What fixed it? She became a volunteer in areas she liked. She met people who liked the same causes and developed friendships. Go where you are needed. See if you can sign up to be a tutor. You’ll meet other tutors and develop friendships.

Use the recommendations listed by @OnMyWay2013.

Good luck and keep us posted!!!

5

I already tried that and it didn’t help a lot. But thanks for the advice. It at least gives me some hope :slight_smile: