I'm Depressed in College

Student Lounge College Life
1

Hello,

I’m honestly just going to rant.

It’s the end of November and I just got back from Thanksgiving Break; I’m a freshman in college going to a large California state school.
And I’m depressed as hell that I’m back here. Like, I really was not looking forward to coming back.

And I cannot tell my friends or family about this since I fought so hard to be independent at a school far away from home.

Not to be dramatic, and I’m trying to really see the light at the end of the tunnel here, but college so far has kind of sucked.

My school is not a party school, it’s always pretty lonely on campus anyway, but jeez, I wanted to experience the college lifestyle 7 hours away from home and now I’m rethinking my decision.

I have friends and all, (somewhat) and I have a great roommate, but we don’t hang out.

I’m not a loser. I’m okay at socializing, and I’ve been to some fun parties with girls on my floor.

Why am I feeling this way?

I have one friend I always hang out with, she lives on my floor, but I can tell its a forced friendship because she doesn’t really have any friends either.

I have two “friends” I go to parties with, but I have a feeling they just don’t like me at this point. (I don’t know why I feel that way; I haven’t been forced to make friends since 3rd grade)

I’ve been diagnosed with manic depression and an anxiety disorder so they are probably to blame for why I feel like my friends hate me.

I live in a big city now and I literally don’t remember the last time I went out and had a genuinely fun time, I just wish I could have made connections with people who have similar interests as me because its already almost second semester and nothing has gotten better.

Things could be worse, I know that, but days are going by so slow, and I’m counting down to my flight back home for Christmas break.

Are any other college freshmen feeling this way?

2

Maybe you need to give it a shot all over again, maybe you are just having a hard time with the transition and changes. Socialize more, join some clubs that you find interesting.

3

I’ve posted before that my daughter has anxiety and struggled socially while she attended a UC. She graduated in May.

She found working a part-time job helpful. She met all sorts of people. She worked on and off campus. She tried a few meet-ups with varied success.

She also felt others disliked her. She has now realized, this was more her perception and a function of how she projects herself. For her, others had more social ease. It’s just harder for her. She’s doing well now. Working. Boyfriend.

I have a freshman at another UC who has expressed missing home. He did join a social that is creating some social fun.

Hugs to you.

4

I never post but I wanted to say that you are not alone. Coming back from that first holiday and waiting for the longer Dec break is a hard period. It brings a lot of reflection and fear that the wrong decision was made. I just had this conversation with my freshman. Yes, anxiety is a horrible beast with those cognitive distortions about friendship fears and socializing. Remember you have had many years with your old friends to create that comfort level you feel when you get home, and 3-4 months in a new place is not going to achieve that same feeling. Being a freshman is challenging. It takes time. Just because people around you appear to have formed these bonds and have a great life according to their social media, it’s probably curated. That goes for the people back home. Do you feel like you are missing something when you see what they are doing?

I recommend a part-time job as well to get into a different space. What are your interests? What is something that you thought if I lived in the city I would do x? What were some of the things that you liked about your current school that was of interest? It is not easy to just do things and even if you have not felt awkward socializing it doesn’t make you less than when you do. You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Maybe consider not isolating yourself from those friends and family who can be a support to you. This does not mean that you are not independent. It means that you are human and navigating being in a new place. Seasoned adults have a hard time doing what you have done, don’t let people fool you by suggesting otherwise. It is a lot of hard work and you need to give yourself credit for getting up in the morning and moving, getting out there and trying especially when you are struggling.

5

Do you have good treatment for your mental disorders? Medication and therapy? Getting your health and thought processes working in a more flexible positive way may help you see and cope with your current situation. Take one day at a time, do as well as you can academically as this keeps options open if you end up deciding to transfer.

6

Maybe you should check in with your college counselor, or your doctor back home, about the depression. You mention several positives (been to a couple of fun parties, great roommate, one close friend and a couple of others) but yet you seem unable to enjoy it…which sounds like depression. I agree that it is a huge transition and the first semester is hard, especially since Thanksgiving break is so short (after the longest stretch away from home) and you’re heading back to a final push of finals. Check out some mental health resources.

7

Wow this is exactly how I feel and I thought I was all alone. I’ve been back from break for 2 1/2 days and I feel like transferring.

8

You are not alone. Making the transition to college can be challenging. I encourage you to persevere!

“Thirty percent of freshmen won’t return for their sophomore year, and the wheels can start to fall off as early as Thanksgiving” http://www.wbur.org/onpoint/2018/11/27/college-students-leave-campus-mental-health
This discussion was on the radio yesterday, it’s worth the listen :