<p>I'm so sad right now. I've been here for a week and I still haven't made any friends. Yesterday was the first day of classes and after about 3 classes, I only managed to do small talk with about 2 kids. I'm sad because I don't want it to be like this for four years. And by God, I'm trying. I'm normally the introverted type but I'm trying to be a bit more extroverted but it's not working. One thing I refuse, is to be fake or pretend to be something I'm not. I know it's still early but it's very discouraging looking out the window seeing kids hang out while I'm in my room all day. I've tried to introduce myself but it's hard to break into groups but everyone cliqued up by the 2nd day, leaving me without a "clique." </p>
<p>I plan to join cross country in the winter (not offered for fall), join a club and I currently start my next job next week. I know it's still early but like I said, when you're alone for a majority of the day, it's very saddening. </p>
<p>My questions:
(1) How long did it take you to make friends?
(2) To face reality, there's a chance that things won't change. What are some things to do on my own as a loner?
(3) How do I try to not let being a loner mentally break me down?</p>
<p>These are serious questions. If you're going to insult me, please don't respond. I'm just looking for help and I know there are many other kids across the country who's going through the same thing I am.</p>
<p>Try being sincere, friendly, non judgmental, pleasant, inviting-someone approachable.
Looking desperate, anxious, angry, depressed, self pitying is a turn off.
Volunteer, go to dorm parties, work out at the gym, get out of your room.</p>
<p>BillyMc: I have 3 but they’re like BFFs. We talk, don’t get me wrong. But it’s small talk; amongst the 3 of them they talk a lot. They also connect because they drink, I don’t drink and don’t plan on it right now.</p>
<p>Seachai86442: :(. I’m glad I’m not alone.</p>
<p>Batllo: Honestly, I was thinking about turning into this angry person, but like you said, it’s a turn off and won’t solve anything (it’ll probably make things worse). If things don’t change, I’m just going to have to accept being a loner and try to positively do things by myself. I don’t want to become mentally week or make things worse. I hope to God that things will get better, because I don’t want to experience this for my next 3 years.</p>
<p>DCHurricane: I don’t have a camera and after paying tution, can’t afford one.</p>
<p>One more thing to add: some of the kids at my school are EXTREMELY cliquey/antisocial once they find that friend. For instance, today a kid in my dorm building saw me but didn’t say anything. I don’t know if it was “I’m too cool to talk to you” or “I’m with my friends so whatever.” </p>
<p>I don’t need the whole campus to be my friend; if I could just find a couple of friends that I could be myself around, would be amazing.</p>
<p>Go out and get drunk with people on your floor. Or something. Friendships take time, stop being worry warts. If it’s still this way next semester, start a thread.</p>
<p>sad- Get a job or a volunteer job that will force you to be out in the public a few times a week.
You need for people to relate to you in a positive way and that will boost your self esteem.
Sign up for a conditioning or weight lifting class-people like to chat between sets and the endorphins will elevate your mood.
No one is sad or unhappy while they are working out, it clears your mind.
Only you can enrich your college experience, you have to put yourself out there, take risks, if you get hurt, so what, move on.
As for not speaking to you when they see you…
they may be having a bad day… you can still hey.
Seek Counseling at the Student Center if you find yourself in despair.</p>
<p>Thanks Batllo. You reek of awesomeness. You’re right; In the words of a song, “If I fall, I’ll take it all; it’s so easy afterall.”</p>
<p>Even though things are a bit rough now, I have hope that things will get better. Like you said, I just have to put that extra effort in finding a group of friends. </p>
<p>What outside interests other than cross country do you have? Is your school large or small? </p>
<p>The rule is be a friend to make a friend. Go to the coffee house on campus, bring a book or a magazine, but don’t get all engrossed in it, make small talk with someone in the bookstore, ask some guys in your dorm to play a game of basketball., try campus ministry groups, ask if you can join a small group in the cafeteria. </p>
<p>I have been in your shoes, one year of misery, a year off and then going back and really putting myself out there to finally find a niche. Take the plunge! Oh, and be friendly at your new job!</p>
<p>sad-part of growing up is dealing with loneliness and uncertainty
You don’t seem like the bitter, hostile, resentful type, just a little lost.
Good luck adjusting to school.</p>
<p>@sadcollegestud
(1) How long did it take you to make friends?
As students ourselves we cant give you a time frame but can let you know that it take time.
(2) To face reality, there’s a chance that things won’t change. What are some things to do on my own as a loner?
go on fb, twitter, and of course cc maybe you meet some people from your college through there.
study, and you never know you might find a study buddy
(3) How do I try to not let being a loner mentally break me down?
keep yourself busy, participate in activities around campus such as club meetings
talk to other freshmen you never know there might be a friend waiting for you.
broader your interest.
If you still feel like you are having mentally break down talk to counseling or even give call your family or some HS friends.
but dont let craziness get you
good luck:)</p>
<p>Hang out in the common room. Just sit there and chill with your laptop, read, or whatever and strike up a conversation with people who pass through. Is there a foosball table in there? Ask if anyone around wants to play. </p>
<p>Join clubs. There should be an activity fair at the beginning of the semester. Go to the meetings because clubs love to recruit freshmen. </p>
<p>You need to find your niche; easier said than done of course, but don’t just give up. Try to think of something you like to do, whether it’s IM sports, theatre, or student govt. You mentioned you didn’t like partying, so outside of getting drunk and building friendships that way, you have to be proactive and get involved in some other aspect of campus life.</p>
<p>“One thing I refuse, is to be fake or pretend to be something I’m not” </p>
<p>So here is the good news… You don’t have to be fake, because you are you, and you get to make yourself into anything you want. It’s not fake, it’s you. So feel free to remake yourself in any way that works for YOU because in the end that’s what matters… Years ago I learned that you can be who you want to be and guess what - Your Still You… </p>
<p>Don’t limit yourself by being who you think you are. Because if being who you think you are is making you unhappy, than who you think you are is unhappy… Change who you think you are into a happy person… The Same You can be happy, but it’s going to feel unnatural at first. But guess what you get to be Happy… </p>
<p>One example… Years Ago… I was attending a training class with a very pretty young woman. I didn’t know her or anyone else and most of the other people knew one another. I said hello to her once or twice and she ignored me. At first I took the hint and didn’t interact with her much. Later we keep seeing each other in the sessions and then I saw her on the same subway, I decided to do something very “un-me” and walked up to her and just talked about everything that made me “me” (my huge dog, my girlfriend, my apartment, my job and just about everything else that made a difference in my life. I smiled and laughed). I talked and talked and talked… She looked at me puzzled, then she smiled, and finely she broke out laughing and then she started to speak to me… in fragmented broken German-English… Turns out she was simply very embarrassed that she couldn’t speak English well and hadn’t talked to anyone all day because she was afraid someone would find out. We laughed all the way home and she came and met my Dog, girlfriend, and friends… We studied together and remained close friends for many years… </p>
<p>I wanted to tell you that because I used to think of myself as a professional (and I still can be when I want to be) but I’m so much more than I ever thought I could be because I’m still discovering myself and I would like to suggest that you discover yourself too… Because your the only one who can ever say whats right for you, you might want to redefine “right for you” as what makes you happy… Don’t choose to feel lonely because it fits the image of who you think you are… Growing up and moving beyond your comfort zone is hard and confusing, but it’s also fun, rewarding, and eventually comforting to know that you can be who you need yourself to be. Have a great life…</p>
<p>I was like this last year. It takes time. That small talk might form into friendships, you never know. Seriously, just chill out for a while and then you’ll probably find people.</p>
<p>You don’t have to be fake, but that doesn’t mean you have to make it obvious that people have the wrong idea about you. For instance, I bet most of the people I meet assume I’m straight, conservative, and Christian. When I’ve become good enough friends that those differences aren’t going to have much effect, then I can be more open about them. I suggest you attend club meetings that might interest you. That’s an easy way to make friends!</p>
<p>"It’s easy for you to say that because you’re not experiencing it. "</p>
<p>Ugh, I was a freshmen at one time, too. Whining to a bunch of people who are whining about not meeting their life long friends a week into school isn’t going to help. There are plenty of threads with plenty of useful advise, there is no need to pollute the forum with repeat questions. </p>
<p>Boo hoo, we all go through it. It takes time but it happens.</p>