I'm failing almost everything. What do I tell my parents???!!!

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>So, I'm 16, and graduated high school fairly early, and I'm living at home, working part time, and going to school full time.
Well, I have examined why I may have been doing so poorly, and all of my reasons are NOT going to fly with my parents. I am worried that I may be kicked out of my house, because they will be that mad when they find out why I'm failing.
My reasons for failing are as follows:
By comparison to other college students, I am pretty immature. I do not have an adult mindset, at all. My work ethic is reflective of that, unfortunately.
I also realize that I was not as interested in my major as I thought I'd be. And I was considering switching to something I was more interested in, and realized that I actually have no idea what I want to do with my life, which is worrisome.
The independence factor was also an issue. Because I am free to just not show up to class if I don't feel like it, sometimes I just don't. I know, that's incredibly immature of me.</p>

<p>I think I would like to go to a cosmetology school, because I think I would be good at that, but my parents would prefer that I go into a field that would generate a better income. The truth is, I have no desire, at the moment, for a "grown up" job.</p>

<p>I'm at a loss for what to do. I really think that if I tell them that I royally screwed up, they'll kick me out of the house, and I can't afford even a crappy apartment.
They have also paid for half of it. I can't even begin to imagine how ****ed they're going to be about that part. I'm sure I could pay them back, eventually, but I have to deal with my current situation.</p>

<p>What do I do? Please help!</p>

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<p>Okay. So you know you need to own up and it probably won’t be pretty. </p>

<p>You are very unlikely to be kicked out of the house. Even if its been a threat in the past. Try not to catastrophise without evidence :slight_smile: Easier said than done, I know.</p>

<p>As you have listed, college isn’t high school. And not all/many teens of your age could cope with the sudden change in the level of self discipline placed upon them.</p>

<p>Start by making a list of what you want/need your parents to know when you speak to them. Think about how you want to the conversation to end. The better prepared you are, the better you’ll come out of it. Try and stay calm as it’ll help your parents to stay calm too. </p>

<p>Do you want to leave college for a bit and maybe work full time to save some money/ repay your parents? Maybe suggest they work with you in finding out about various careers though shadowing local business people? You could enroll in an online class in something you’re really interested in in order to keep you used to studying but letting you try to improve your time management. </p>

<p>If the worst did happen, and it won’t, there will be help nearby in the form of a young people’s hostel or other local help. It doesn’t assign you to a life of destitution. You’d get to college eventually. A bump in the road but not the end of the road :)</p>

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<p>Thank you is much for the response!
I think mapping out the conversation is a very good idea, and I do think that it would help it go over more smoothly.
I would love to just work full time for a while, but the problem with that is that my parents have clearly stated that one of the conditions of my living with them is that I am a full time student. While you’re right, it’s unlikely that they will really have me on the street, they have told me that if I were to leave school, they would just make living with them very difficult. I’m just not entirely are I can handle that.
I’m really dreading telling them, but I understand that it’s necessary.
This sucks.</p>

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<p>Honest Answer (may not be what you want to hear). </p>

<p>At 18 I was pretty immature as well. I didn’t really do anything with my life and didn’t know what I wanted to do. After a few years of working a dead-end job I realized that I wanted better. I couldn’t stand doing the something, day after day, month after month, year after year. It’s a hard concept to understand as a “child” because every year is something new. e.g. 16 you can drive, 18 you can buy smokes, 21 you can buy alc. + every school year is a diff experience. You develop maturity just through living life. </p>

<p>So if you do get kicked out and you have to live in a crappy apartment and work a crappy job, you’ll develop that maturity very fast. You’ll want a “grown up” job fast.</p>

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<p>You’re parents may feel differently about requiring you to be a full-time student when (and I say when because you’re living in their house and they’re paying for your school, so yes, you have to tell them) they learn that you’re failing all of your classes. They may be more agreeable to other options, such as working full-time, since they may see that as a way to help you grow up a little or show you the importance of going to college.</p>

<p>And you’re right–those reasons probably won’t fly with your parents. Frankly, I wouldn’t accept those reasons if you were my friend, let alone my kid. I’d highly recommend that you try to phrase them a bit differently. Perhaps, you thought college would be like high school, where you had to do little studying or work and you could just pass. Or maybe, you were unprepared for the college workload, and you didn’t realize it until too late. Make it clear that you understand what you did wrong, you’re extremely sorry and regretful, and that you’ll do whatever you can to fix it.</p>

<p>I’d recommend you go to them with a plan, rather than just telling them that you’re failing. Perhaps, your plan can be to work full time, start to pay them back for your school, and then go back to school when you’re ready. Perhaps, you can go to school part-time and work full-time (or part-time, whatever you’re comfortable with), and really focus on your studies. Perhaps, you can come up with a plan about what you’re going to do differently in school (go to class, go to the tutoring center, etc). Be aware that you’re school may require you to meet a certain GPA to remain a student there next term, so keep in mind what you’re school’s policies are. They may have a completely different plan for you, and be open to listening to them (even if they’re yelling) and working with them.</p>

<p>Also, not having a good work ethic and not being interested in your classes is not an excuse. Regardless of what your major is, there will be classes that you aren’t interested in or that you hate or are bad at–whatever. You still have to go to them, try your best, and pass. Being lazy is also not an excuse. Most college students, regardless of age and maturity level, are lazy or procrastinate or don’t go to class. You just need to figure out a way to get the work done regardless. How did you get everything done in high school? Clearly, you worked hard enough to graduate early. Is it possible that your burnt out?</p>

<p>Basically, my advice is to start acting like an adult. You realize that you acted immaturely, and that’s great. But that’s still not an excuse. You become more mature by acting more mature, by taking on responsibility, and by facing the consequences of your actions. Now would be a fantastic time to start.</p>

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<p>Naturally hindsight is 20-20, but why are you in college at the age of 16? Most high school students are absolutely overqualified for the core high school classes (so excluding APs etc), and skipping grades is rarely a good idea, as unless you’re a reincarnation of Einstein, you are not in a hurry to make the place a better place for an extra two years.</p>

<p>Tell your parents how it is. You are years behind your peers in psychological and physical development, and it was not good judgement to throw you out there years ahead of time. Kicking you out of the house would be the most irresponsible thing a parent could do in this situation, so I don’t think you need to be afraid of that. I would recommend taking a year to work and have very few college classes (I assume you took an intense course load as you’re in a pinch). After that, you could go to a university at the age of 17, when your peers will be 18, you would have some money (some of which your parents might make you use on classes after failing a few now), and you would be adequately prepared to get a better start.</p>

7

<p>You tell your parents you messed up.
Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your mistakes.
Confess that your poor work ethic, failure to show up for classes and bad attitude lead you to failing.
You ask them to allow you to live at home while you work full time and figure out what to do next.
You need to go to your college and withdraw formally, you can’t just walk away.
You need to go talk to the gc and find out what can be done for you to eventually be readmitted sometime in the future.
Start acting more responsible and taking care of your college record is one of them.
Facing your parents with the truth is showing them the respect they deserve.</p>

8

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<p>This.</p>

<p>Go to your parents with an honest and sincere apology and offer a solution. Instead of just telling them “hey, I messed up big time, what now?” you can show them you’re maturing by offering what you all can do, as a family, next. Whether that means dropping out of school until you reach the age of maturity, or working full time and going to school part-time (and you’ll still graduate at a reasonable age by doing this), you’ll need to offer something at the table when presenting this issue to them.</p>

<p>I definitely agree that this is not a valid reason at all and is no excuse to fail classes, but what’s done is done and you will need to tell them sometime since they are paying for school. </p>

<p>PS, there was a thread about graduating early and many CCers (parents and students alike) said that they themselves, or their kid, who graduated early had a hard time adjusting to college due to the age (maturity level, fitting in, etc.). So there is really no need to rush “growing up” as 16 is very young. I couldn’t even get a job at age 16 without a permit! Since you have no desire for a grown up job at the moment, definitely decide to work more and pay your parents back and spend the extra time re-taking classes you’ve failed or something. Since you don’t know what you want to do in life and is unsure of your major, you should just go ahead and take the general education requirements to get them out of the way, take some electives that sound interesting, and then go from there.</p>

<p>Honestly, even 20-something-year-olds have no idea what they want their majors to be! So don’t be scared. You’re still very young. As I said before, there is no rush to grow up.</p>

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Parents can’t abandon a minor child without getting into serious legal trouble. So don’t worry about that aspect.</p>

10

<p>Here’s an update to anyone who’s interested:
Turns out I was only doing really poorly in my math class, which I’ve struggled with in the past. I’ve told my parents that I intend to utilize the resources provided by my school to improve the math grade, and other than that, I’m maintaining a B average. Nothing special, but it’s better than failing, right?
There also seems to be some confusion on who paid for what. I re-read what my opening post was, and I seem to have misstated that they “paid for half of it.” That was poorly worded, on my part. What I meant was that they have paid for a few textbooks, school supplies, and provide me with gas money. The majority of my tuition was covered by a scholarship provided for me graduating early, and I paid the rest. What I should have said was, they have provided me a good deal of “comfort.”
I also talked about the idea of a gap year with them, and they said it would be fine… After I have a bachelors degree… Lol.
Regarding he cosmetology school, they were not too receptive to that. They strongly suggested that I, first, get a “real,” degree. And by “strongly suggested,” I mean “insisted.”</p>

<p>I really think I made the right decision when I decided to graduate early. My parents really didn’t care whether or not I did, I just really didn’t function well in high school.
A friend of mine also graduated early, and we both agree: It’s incredibly tiring. But, it’s worth it. Who wants to be in high school?</p>

<p>Thanks so much for all of your responses! They were genuinely helpful!</p>

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<p>Sounds like the biggest actual manifestation of immaturity in your life is to exaggerate problems to a ridiculous proportion. Only in the mind of a teenager does a B average and one weaker class become “failing almost everything”. ;-)</p>

<p>I went to college at 16 as well, and I know I had the same tendency to freak out at times. In the end, I not only got through it, I made the dean’s list 3 times before I was 18.</p>

<p>Even though the original problem was not as big as it seemed, you have some good advice above. You have no one to blame for skipping classes and not working hard but yourself. It’s your choice to be content with your B average or hold yourself to a higher standard.</p>

<p>And kudos to you for taking the advice to not be afraid to seek out help. I know from personal experience that there’s an insidious side effect to the justifiable pride and confidence you get from starting college early: a belief in one’s own invincibility that can lead to a stubborn refusal to seek help. I definitely made some mistakes in not seeking tutoring or peer study groups in certain classes where I was struggling. In retrospect, I look at myself and say “I was paying for campus writing and tutoring centers with my tuition, so why was it so hard to suffer a little humility and use them?” Here’s hoping that a little help from your school’s resources will be just what you need to get that math grade back in shape.</p>

<p>Hang in there! Even though you don’t know what you want to do, you’ll find it. But it is easier to find if you are giving your best effort to everything, even the things you aren’t sure you like or actively dislike. Eventually, something just clicks into place, but it’s easier to recognize that click when you are giving your best effort than when you are lazing around.</p>

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<p>For now, drop the class that you have the least chance of passing, so you can concentrate on passing your other classes. In the meantime, put in some applications for other alternatives, to keep your options open for a later decision.</p>