I’m asking for advice.
So I’ve never been one to date for fun, in fact I made it a rule not to.
I recently transferred as a junior. I didnt expect to date or anything like that. But there was one girl who subtly caught my attention.
I noticed that whenever someone sits next to her, within moments she has everyone around her laughing. I admired that, so I paid closer attention. We have two classes together and I happen to sit behind her, 2 rows back.
One day I saw her laughing and I got that famous butterfly feeling, happened twice in my life. I couldnt help but gaze at her and I sort of spaced off, she noticed, and when I came to she was staring directly at me. I was embarrassed.
A week passed and I saw her alone so I apologized, she said it’s perfectly fine and I moved on with my day, perfectly masking my nerves because I’m the king of that.
The next class period, she turned and smiled and said hi to me, it made my frickin day.
We introduced ourselves, both smiled, and then the lecture started.
My question is, because I’m new to this, but she’s totally my crush. Is this normal behavior for women? How tf do I tell if she’s interested in me when I’m surrounded by good looking men and women? Any advice helps, I just don’t want to ■■■■ up. I don’t mind being embarrassed but I want to go about this the right way.
Thanks in advance.
You’re attracted to this socially-adept woman, and you have no experience with dating. I’d say that you should say hello to her at the next class, try to engineer walking out with her, ask her some neutral question like how she’s liking the class/teacher, how she likes the other class you’re in together. From what you describe about her, she’ll talk with you if she might be interested in getting to know you a little bit more. If the conversation goes well, ask her when her next class is, and ask whether she’d like to go get a cup of coffee or a snack together nearby, and continue the conversation. Ask her questions - where she’s from, what she’s studying, why she chose your school, her major, etc., and listen to her answers. People love talking about themselves. As for you - just be yourself. Useless to behave in any other way.
If she declines going for coffee or a snack, just keep saying hi to her at class, and try to casually walk out with her and talk with her, watching carefully for cues that she doesn’t want you to do this. Wait to see if she suggests something after class in the future. She’ll know you’re interested in her - you’ll have to leave the ball in her court at that point.
Meanwhile, I really think that you should reconsider how you approach “dating”. Yes, some people only ever “dated” the person they married. But most people socialize plenty with potential romantic partners, starting in middle school. That doesn’t mean that they’re having sex with them, necessarily (although by your age, if not in a religious setting, most people do). But this is how one learns to talk with people with whom one might have an eventual attachment. It’s part of growing up, part of maturing. I can understand deciding that there’s too much risk of getting derailed, academically, in high school and deciding to avoid it then. But you’re a 20 yr old by now, and it’s very age appropriate to start dating.
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