I'm having trouble writing my essay

[Cheshire_Cat]

<p>I'm applying to Temple University as a transfer student. My essay is about me taking attending community college full time during my senior year of high school, and what I've learned from it. But I'm having a hard time! I have grown and mature so much in doing what I did, but I'm having trouble explaining how I have grown and matured. It's because my maturity just clicked! Here is my essay, it's horrible.</p>

<p>In the nine months of my senior year of high school, I did not get a chance to experience one ounce of senioritis. I did not even get to attend my senior prom. I was given the opportunity in my senior year of high school to participate in Community College’s High School Special Admissions Program. This opportunity changed my life.
I was forced to take on the responsibilities of a college student while I was still a high school student. These responsibilities made me grow and mature not only academically, but also personally. I gained the responsibility to be independent. I learned to complete my school work on my own, without having my professors hold my hand with getting my school work done. I gained the responsibility to develop impressive time management skills. I had more free time in college, and I learned to use that free time as an advantage to get my school work done. I learned to make my schoolwork my number one priority. This is something that I was not able to develop in grade school, so this was a big accomplishment for me.
This experience made me grow as an individual. I am much more confident now that I was given the opportunity to attend college during my senior year of high school. I learned to be myself. I did not have to worry about any drama that high school brings. I felt a bigger acceptance of who I am as a person.</p>

[ADad]

<p>

I’m applying to Temple University as a transfer student. For my personal statement, I want to talk about my experience in starting college full time in my senior year of high school, a year prior to graduation. I learned so much from my experience: I matured academically, I developed beneficial time management skills, I learned to make my schoolwork my top priority, I learned to be more confident because in college you can be yourself. But I feel like I can’t explain why I developed all of these qualities, because they all just clicked for me. So how can I write my essay?

</p>

<p>Provide personal details so that the essay becomes something that only you could write.</p>

<p>For example:</p>

<p>

These responsibilities made me grow and mature not only academically, but also personally.

</p>

<p>As it is, anyone could say this. There are no details that could make the essay personal, set you apart. A reasonable reader wonders: what responsibilities? What do you mean by grow? What do you mean by mature? What do you mean by growing personally? Maybe you think these words are obvious; I don’t. Your readers want to know what growing and maturing Cheshire Cat did, <a href=“s”>i</a>he alone*. They don’t want to consider what grow and mature means in the context of thousands of students.</p>

<p>Readers want personal details! </p>

<p>Check out these resources:</p>

<p>[Essays</a>, Admission Information, Undergraduate Admission, U.Va.](<a href=“http://www.virginia.edu/undergradadmission/writingtheessay.html]Essays”>http://www.virginia.edu/undergradadmission/writingtheessay.html)</p>

<p>[Show</a>, don’t tell](<a href=“http://users.wirefire.com/tritt/tip1.html]Show”>http://users.wirefire.com/tritt/tip1.html)</p>

[josephalexandra]

<p>i’m sorry but didn’t they ever tell you to never post your essay in your thread rather you ask if people are interested and you pm them</p>

<p>reason why is the fact that some people on this site will not hesitate to copy your work and claim it for themselves not saying that ADad is one of them but just in general
i hope you don’t run across anything like that but still don’t post your essay through a post</p>