This is related to my last thread but more focused. As I said before, I’m a 21 year old in 3rd year uni and feel as if my youth is ending. I constantly worry about how I’ll feel when I’m like 23 or older about certain things and feel that I shouldn’t act as if I’m in school/uni or enjoy the college experience because I’ll leave it eventually. Like I feel like I should like get out of the college mentality/mindset or something and feel like next year, what’s the point of enjoying or feeling like a college student since I’ll be gone eventually. Also, I also feel weird if I find women younger than me(18-20 years old) attractive, as if I’m much older than them somehow, like 23-30 or something. I don’t what to do with this fleeting feeling of my youth ending. Any advice on how to handle these feelings?
Perfectly normal feelings. You are more than halfway through college and it’s natural to start thinking beyond college and what that’s going to feel like. It’s exciting but also scary and seems to be bringing you some feelings of grieving youth. But, the line between youth and adulthood isn’t discrete, rather it’s a process that will go on for years to come. When you are my age (58) and think back to 21 or 23 or even 30, the memories you carry will make you realize just how young you were. Enjoy where you are right now, enjoy the last three semesters of college and your college experience. Think a little about your goals after undergrad, and take some small preliminary steps (example; resume for future job search, or GRE prep for grad school), but no need to overdo it. Don’t worry about some future feeling like being attracted to younger women, that may or may not happen. Youxll figure it out then. Your youth isn’t ending. Your parent’s financial responsibilities for you might be, but that’s a different issue. Change the way you think about it and your feelings of fear and grief will improve.
You look forward to becoming an adult. I had the most fun of my life in my 20s and 30s. But then again, I had the most fun of my life being a parent to young kids in my 40s. Actually, I have plenty of fun in my 50s. If I don’t want to have fun these days, it’s because I’d far rather go to bed early, lol.
Trust me, it’s much better than being a teenager. And it’s 100% true that you are as young as you feel. Speaking as a middle aged person, you are definitely young enough to be referred to as a kid.
^And your idea of fun just changes over time. When I was 22, partying all night was both appealing and something I could do. Now, at 32, not only does the idea of partying through the night sound daunting, I’m not sure I could physically do it anymore! I go to sleep around 10-11 pm (because I’m an early riser - I wake at 6 am most days), and my brain is usually shut down past like 9 pm lol. I’d much rather play board games with my friends or go get happy hour drinks or see a movie.
NorthernMom is right that the line is progressive; you’re not going to be suddenly launched into Full Adulthood the moment you graduate from college. Learning to be independent and on your own will be a process that will proceed through each stage of your life.
Don’t rush it, and don’t force anything artificially. It’s okay for you to still want to do adolescent-type stuff because you’re still in that phase, or at least not that far past it. To the contrary of what you said - you should enjoy this part of your youth while it lasts, rather than trying to button up.
So should I still see/think myself as a college student then or start getting out of that mindset?
What is considered to be overdoing it?
So I should stop worrying and still see myself/feel like a college student?
Yes.
Yeah, I worry that if I do think of planning for grad school, it means I need to outgrow and start to shed the college mentality already
Why is that something to worry about? You are going to get older, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You are already outgrowing your “college mentality” because you are clearly thinking about it. I see no problem for you…
@kamenridermach Each and every birthday marks you as older than you were. If you like 18-20 year-old women, then pursue them now because the age difference will only increase. Ideally, you shouldn’t worry about chronological age at all, at least not until you hit 26 or so. Now is the time to have your fun.
@Lindagaf Yes, but I feel like I’m doing it too early/too fast. Like, I’m in third year of uni and feel that there is no reason for me to outgrow my college mentality when I’m a junior of all things
@kamenridermach Is just remembered I had a story that seems apropos to your OP. When I was 23, I was working as an under-employed EMT for a private ambulance and one time I had a transfer patient who was a 90-year-old woman. She was telling me her story as I sympathetically listened and she said repeatedly “it’s terrible to be 90!”. Then, with a force that caught me completely off-guard, she got her arm around my neck, pulled my head down and kissed me full on the lips! Her two home health aids then burst into laughter, of the “did you see what she just did!” variety. Of course this would be considered sexual assault now (and maybe then too), and her act was not at all romantic, to say the least, but I don’t recall feeling particularly violated. If anything, I felt a kind of admiration at her boldness. After that, I don’t recall ever feeling any concerns about age difference in my relationships, and I had girlfriends older and younger than me and never worried about it. Once you are married, other women of any age will be off-limits, but I assure you you will always like 18-20 year olds until you die.
You are a college student, it’s expected that you feel like one. If you start thinking about life after college, whether toward job prospects or graduate school, you are not giving up your current status.
What I would suggest is to get out of the “school only” mindset at college…look at all the activities/lectures/events that are right there and for free…take advantage of them!
to narrow it down: I’m a junior in college and lately, I’m worrying if I should start to outgrow the college mindset or mentality. I mean, when I think of like grad school, it makes me feel like I should start moving out of the college mindset or something. What do you think?
You aren’t that old. I’m turning 30 next year and I feel like my youth is ending, but that’s because I’m a friggin’ adult. I’ve got a mortgage, I’m getting married in October, a car payment, a grown-up job with a decent salary, a master’s degree in the works, and I’m planning on having children next year.
I got a late start to college (entered late-ish 19) and ended up stuck in community college until I was 22, transferred to university and graduated at 24. Scrambled to find a job, got job. It was not a great paying job, worked my butt off at my job, and then put myself through more school until I got a better paying position, which changed my life. I went from living in a studio apartment with my now fiance to an apartment by 26, bought a house at 27, and took a new, better paying job at 28.
My last year was spent prepping myself for the real world and trying to enjoy the rest of my college experience with a heavy course load.
At 28, I’m used to staying up real late because that’s when I get to claw back free time from having lost it to sleep, work, chores, and my small family of three dachshunds and fiance. You get tired quicker for sure. But most people at my age still like to drink and enjoy themselves. I probably have more beer in the fridge than I have of anything else at the moment. Your priorities just shift and it’s a hell of a lot harder to make friends.
I tell you one thing, struggling to make money after graduation is soul crushing.