I'm kind of worried about my roommate.

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Hey everyone, this is probably going to be quite long, so my apologies in advance.</p>

<p>I'm a Freshman, and to say the least, my roommate is absolutely outstanding. We couldn't have gotten a better fit. We're both from out of state, we're both avid sailors, we watch the same stuff on TV, we share general interests, we play Xbox, we help eachother with girls/homework etc., and we were basically best friends from day one. One other thing we do is look out for each other, and that's why I've become a bit worried. Something's going on that I'm not completely clear about, and I guess I just need to know whether or not I'm overthinking it or if I should take action.</p>

<p>To make a long story as short as possible: (again, really sorry)</p>

<p>About two months or so ago, he stopped going out with us on the weekends. It was a slow transition from going out all the time to going out one night per weekend, to spending both nights on the computer and playing X-Box. I didn't prod him to come out with us or anything, but I did ask him one night why he started getting antisocial. He just said that he doesn't feel like "my" friends like him. I told him that everyone likes him just as much as everyone else, and he said that it feels awkward because he seems to do more listening to everyone else talk than him talking himself. I could've said "oh, well we'll start talking to you more," but if it were me, that's the last thing I'd want to hear considering it's basically an insult. Anyways, I said that he's probably just imagining it, and he started asking about why the girls talk to me more than they talk to him, and he ranted for a good 10 minutes about how he's slowly becoming inferior to everyone else on campus, whether it's with girls, scores on a test, or what not.</p>

<p>That entire week he just began acting quieter and less interested in campus life. He spent a lot of time playing call of duty, missing class, and eventually started replacing the usual '"hey man hows it going" + pounding of fists" every afternoon after class with "oh, hi."</p>

<p>Last friday, he stayed in and did shots of Jack Daniels by himself in the dorm room. I have no idea how he got access to it. He managed to disable his Facebook account in the same night as well as re-arrange our entire room. I don't drink that often, and he doesn't drink at all that I know of, so I was surprised when I came back and found him completely hammered. I was more drunk than he was, but I manage to remember him showing me his empty bottle of JD and a case of Steel Reserve in the fridge. I'm embarassed to say it, but I don't remember what happened after that. However the next morning when I woke up, he was well into the Steel Reserve and he spoke of doing Gin shots with a kid from his high school that night, and I just shook my head and told him not to do anything stuipid and he got super defensive and said that I was underestimating him. I disagreed, and he point-blank called me a faggot and just got really stand-offish. </p>

<p>I told some of our friends about this the next day, and they also noticed how he's been acting lately and we talked about whether or not we should get involved. He's my best friend, so I said that I'd handle it and get to the bottom of it. I had a quick talk with him that night and merely asked if something's been bothering him, but he remained standoffish and acted really shy. I got nothing from him other than a few nonchalant remarks like "life is confusing" and"why does god make bad things happen to good people?". </p>

<p>He went home for break the next day, and left me feeling guilty and helpless and like I should've gnawed at him harder to try to figure out what was up. But really, is the fact that he's not telling me suggestive that it's no big deal and/or none of my business?</p>

<p>I just don't like seeing people go through **** like this. I liked the "old" him a lot better and this is becoming out of hand. Should I tell someone about it, or just butt off? I'm really baffled.</p>

<p>Thanks for reading this, and a huge thanks in advance for any advice.</p>

2

<p>Wow that’s scary but still seems kind of typical. Obviously people see drinking as an escape. Try talking to him over the phone, or even online. People usually let down their guards when they’re online and they can be a bit easier to talk to. He could possibly be gay. The whole ■■■■■■ calling and how his life is unfair. If he does feel quiet in a group, it’s probably because he can’t relate to anyone. But if you guys helped each other out with girl trouble, this doesn’t seem likely. And if he and his gf broke up(if he had one?) that could have been the case.</p>

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<p>^My guess is the girlfriend thing, unless he’s closeted or something. It’s definitely a puzzler. Good luck on finding out what’s up though, just try to be there for him the best you can and hopefully some good will come of it</p>

4

<p>Alcohol alone is always a sign that something is seriously wrong. You better give him a call and talk it out, or even get him to a counselor of some sort.</p>

5

<p>Dysthymia and bipolar type II immediately came to mind as I read your description of his recent behavior. Maybe you should talk to a counselor about him.</p>

6

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</p>

<p>You were drunk, don’t be embarrassed. You obviously know your limits of alcohol. </p>

<p>Anyway, it looks like he’s suffering from bipolarism or severe depression or something like that. You should talk to a counselor/school doctor/school therapist about it</p>

7

<p>He sounds like a budding alcoholic. Talk to a counselor or RA.</p>

8

<p>Oh that’s sad :(</p>

<p>Well, perhaps you can get your other friends to help out? Have them text him to invite him out, ask why he’s not coming to events, things like that? Maybe it would be better if it wasn’t just you trying to prove that everyone likes him…perhaps he just needs to see you are not his sole connection to that social group.</p>

<p>It seems like something deeper is going on, obviously, but try to rally your other friends so it’s not all on your shoulders. </p>

<p>I would also talk to the RA or the counseling center…I would say suggest the counseling center to him, but be prepared for him to get offended. </p>

<p>You can do all the right things…let him know you care…enlist the help of your other friends…prod him out of the room…but he also has to help himself. If he’s not ready to figure out what’s going on in his life and fix it, then the problem won’t be solved despite your best efforts.</p>

9

<p>^ Agreed completely. </p>

<p>Definitely do something about this. He’s not just a cranky kid who broke up with his gf or something. There’s something deeply hurting him, and while it’s ultimately up to him to help himself, he needs you now. Especially if you’re his best friend, he needs you. Do whatever feels right, prepare for him to maybe get offended, but know that if you’re doing something, anything, you’re doing the right thing. Even people who like to be left alone when they’re upset eventually need someone to tell them they need help.</p>

10

<p>Drinking alone is very concerning, especially to the point of actually getting drunk. Please talk to someone. If he’s already home for break, his parents may notice something. If this continues after break, talk to your RA or you campus counseling center.</p>

11

<p>I’ve never understood the stigma of drinking alone if you’re not getting drunk. Some people just like the taste of certain alcoholic beverages.</p>

12

<p>^ I agree, DCHurricane, but this guy actually is getting drunk, which actually is concerning.</p>

13

<p>I personally don’t think drinking alone is that bad, but if you’re getting hammered alone because you’re depressed, then that should set off some warning signals.</p>

<p>I like to take a couple of shots alone if my friends aren’t drinking and then go do whatever they’re doing, and I also like to drink a little bit (read: a lot) before I start working on long, creative papers because I’m way funnier when I’m buzzed, and I swear I write literary gold when I’m on something (high, adderall, buzzed, drunk, vic’d out, etc.) and not sober. But that’s just me. </p>

<p>I think the most worrisome thing (if I read this correctly?) was him breaking into the Steel Reserve early in the morning right when he wakes up? First of all Steel Reserve blows dick, and second, if it’s not a football saturday where pregames start at 7 or 8 am, then there’s something wrong.</p>

<p>DON’T take it to the RA, unless your RA is cool because the last thing you’ll want to do is get him in trouble. It could set him off even more. I would talk to someone else, or at least refer to him as anonymously as possible.</p>

14

<p>I bet his brother killed his clan and now he is ****ed off that you are better than him</p>