I'm miserable

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Im gonna admit. I'm having a horrible time in college. I came back for my second semester with the mindset that I would change everything around and finally become social. It's now February and nothing hasn't changed.</p>

<p>There are a lot of factors that go into me having such a ****ty time</p>

<p>1)Main problem. I'm shy and don't usually engage in conversations unless I am approached first which for some reason doesn't happen leading me to believe that there might actually be something wrong with me. What? I have no clue.</p>

<p>2) Location. I live in what in my opinion is the most socially dead dorm on campus. When you apply to housing you get a priority number. The higher your priority number, the lower the chance of you getting the dorm you want and ending up its ****sville. My number was so bad I ended up in a dorm that makes you sign a contract to not drink or smoke(not even legal tobacco) and seeing how my college is a drinking college(One of our motos being "Tallahassee, a drinking town with a football problem") it is a huge problem living where I am at. I go to other dorms and see people gathered in the halls, or doors open. Here I usually am the only one in the halls when I am leaving and the only time I see others is when they are on their way in or out of the dorm.</p>

<p>3)My roommate. I never had the initial person I could say, hey lets go hit a party. The dude is religious and hates even the idea of being around people who drink. He also hates football which is a huge thing around here(yes we suck but going to games is still fun as hell). He even refused to watch the superbowl.</p>

<p>4)First week of college. I was expecting the whole everyone making new friends,etc but guess what I find. Everyone basically hanging out with people they knew from high school. Even in my classes now, almost everyone sticks to the people they knew in high school. Only 4 people including myself came from my high school and I barely knew them then.</p>

<p>I'm miserable and don't know what to do. I don't have the ball/the knowledge to show up to a party on my own. I'm not frat material so thats definitely out of the question.</p>

<p>I'm looking a groups/clubs to join with people with same interest in hope of finally meeting people but don't know. I'm going to try to study abroad next semester so I can get out of this place and if things don't improve by the end of spring semester, I will probably transfer. I think I need to leave florida. Ever since I arrived here over 4 years ago, I feel out of place.</p>

<p>So now that my ranting/complaining is done. Do you guys have any more advice? It would be appreciated.</p>

2

<p>Since you like partying, why don't you actually go to one and talk to people there? Socially parties are more relaxed, so it might be easier to approach people. It might be hard, and I know this from experience, but alot of time getting stressed out over talking to new people is way worse than actually doing it. Suck it up and say hi :)</p>

3

<p>A good idea is to make study groups with kids in your classes. This will give you a chance to meet up with some kids with similar interests. At these meetings, everyone will socialize and get to know each other. It should be easy to make friends because everyone is there to converse with each other. </p>

<p>Maybe you should take a trip or two to one of those social dorms and find an excuse to talk to someone there. That can really get you into the community of another dorm. I an see that you really want to make friends, and I'm sure you will as long as you just let those inhibitions go and be as social as you can possibly be.</p>

4

<p>patsy girl I've never gone to a party alone and I'm sure no one does it alone but ill give it a shot if I can just find one that isn't frat run(Im sorry but I sometimes feel like putting a gun to my head when I am around them). </p>

<p>I'll try the study group thing if I can get bast my first hump, actually saying hi. I just find it awkward randomly sparking up a conversation with someone in a classroom that is dead silent. </p>

<p>As to try to get out of the classroom enviroment, im gonna probably join a pre-med group and a paintball group and hopefully meet people I share things in common with. </p>

<p>Also next semester Im thinking of finding my own place off campus but still wondering whether it would be a good idea or not. It would allow me to have my own room but have roommates at the same time and hopefully I will get roommates who like to go out.</p>

5

<p>about first saying hi to people...</p>

<p>it's scary for a lot of people. sometimes it just naturally feels weird if someone is standing around not paying attention to you for you to go and talk to them randomly. but think about it, if you were standing around not doing anything, and someone introduced themselves, would you find that weird? probably not, you'd probably be glad that they took an interest in you to talk to you. i mean, some people might give you a cold shoulder or whatnot, but usually no one would think of that as being out of place.</p>

<p>my point is, thats a useful thing to know how to do in life in general, so why not practice it in college when you have so many opportunities? you're going to need it for your future job, etc, anyway, so get comfortable with doing it now and you'll see how much difference it makes.</p>

<p>it's ok to be shy, it's not a bad thing, just don't let it hinder on your life. talk to people, be confident, you don't have to be the most talkative person in the world for people to enjoy talking to you :-)</p>

6

<p>where do you go?</p>

7

<p>I am like 99% sure he goes to Florida State University.</p>

8

<p>yep I go to FSU.</p>

9

<p>I'd suggest joining some small organization on campus that fits whatever your interests are. I joined this small group of about 15 that meets every week and I've met some really cool people in the past few weeks. I'm also a second semester freshman. Other than that I'd suggest trying to go with at least one other person to a party and start introducing yourself to people.</p>

<p>On a side note, I hate FSU, you killed our undefeated season on our home turf. (I go to BC)</p>

10

<p>Jay, while going up and saying "hi" is the 1st step this really isn't going to work for you. Even if you force yourself to do so you it's likely you will be so nervous about what to say and do next you'll feel very uncomfortable, and the other person will sense this and things will be awkward.</p>

<p>However this doesn't mean things are hopeless, that you can't turn things around. Think of a person that's way overweight. Can they slim down? Sure, but they're going to have to do a few things. Identify what they're doing wrong with eating and change that. Start an exercise program, slow at first but sticking with it. They can't drop the weight overnite but can make big inroads in a few months, and in a year can be a completely different person.</p>

<p>Same with you. The problem I see first of all is "I came back for my second semester with the mindset that I would change everything around and finally become social." In other words, forget about the previous 18+ years. Today, things are going to change!! Doesn't happen with weight, doesn't happen with social skills either; and it set you up for disappointment.</p>

<p>One step you can take right now is to join clubs, especially clubs that do something like volunteer work. Its a lot easier to strike up a conversation with someone when you're already jointly engaged in some activity than to approach someone when its clear the only reason you're talking to them is conversation. That's an interim step to address your loneliness.</p>

<p>But there is something you really need to do. Its to take the longer approach, same as the serious dieter. You are fortunate that your school has a good set of counseling services, all for free. According to <a href="http://studentaffairs.fsu.edu/CounselingCenter/mentalhealth.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://studentaffairs.fsu.edu/CounselingCenter/mentalhealth.html&lt;/a>
[quote]
Our role is to enhance the academic experience of students by promoting healthy personal development through brief individual counseling, group counseling, skill enhancement workshops and preventative outreach services.</p>

<p>common issues addressed: relationships, homesickness, stress/anxiety, depression, family/marital, assertiveness, self-esteem, anger management, grief, eating disorders, sexual orientation, study skills, test anxiety, time management, motivation, alcohol/drugs, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, personality disorders, and bipolar disorder.

[/quote]
You really need to make an appointment and start working with them. Social skills are learnable; had you grown up with a different set of experiences and feedback you'd be a different person than you are today. There's no way to turn back the clock and relive your childhood, but you can decide you want to change things from today and start on a program to get you there.</p>

<p>Just like the dieter, you have to be willing to commit some time to the process and be patient waiting for results. One issue I see is that you still seem to be hoping for the quick fix. You've never been social, yet you started college with high hopes and expected it all to be different. It wasn't. Then you returned this semester wanting to turn it all around. It didn't. Now you're talking about a semester abroad, about transferring. Guess what? The people abroad are no different than the ones around you, except that many will speak a different language. The kids at other colleges are a lot more similar than different to the ones around you today. Just like the dieter won't lose weight until they give up on the idea of a quick fix and settle in for a reasonable and sustained course of action, I don't think it will change for you unless you do the same. I'd hate to see you spend a semester abroad or switch schools, just to end up as miserable and alone. </p>

<p>You can change things; it won't happen overnite, this week, this month. But it can happen if you take the steps to get there, and the first step is to make an appointment at the counseling center.</p>

11

<p>wow, mikemac....very sage advice!</p>

12

<p>
[quote]
My roommate. I never had the initial person I could say, hey lets go hit a party. The dude is religious and hates even the idea of being around people who drink. He also hates football which is a huge thing around here(yes we suck but going to games is still fun as hell). He even refused to watch the superbowl.

[/quote]
You have the audacity to blame your roommate? He has nothing to do with this situation. Stop looking for people to pick up for your slack and start doing the leg work.</p>

13

<p>go rush a frat. Theres no such thing as "frat" material. If your getting the impression of what you think frat material is from movies, you should re think it. Frats have all sorts of people.</p>

<p>if you know you lack slightly in the engaging people skills, then you should probably think of ways to improve yourself in that field. If you don't do that now, the same thing will happen when your out of school in your company, and every where else you go in life.</p>

14

<p>I've never heard of someone who's both painfully shy AND likes drinking and partying. This story doesn't sync up at all.</p>

15

<p>
[quote]
I've never heard of someone who's both painfully shy AND likes drinking and partying.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>are you serious? Alot of people drink because it makes it easier for them to talk to other people because they normally aren't able to.</p>

<p>Take a look at what type of personalties many alcoholics have. A majority of them are insecure and anxious people. They start using alcohol and drugs as a crutch for their inhibitions.</p>

16

<p>That reminds me of an episode of Friends where Monica goes out with this guy, whose really funny and energetic, and they discover he's an alcoholic. It bugs Monica and she persuades him to stop drinking. Once he stops, he's boring and dull, very unsocial. </p>

<p>/random thought</p>

17

<p>Perky, I'm not blaming it on my roommate but it would have been nice to have that initial person to hit a party. I don't know many people that show up to a party by themselves and don't know ANYONE there. </p>

<p>Silver are you calling me an alcoholic? lol.</p>

<p>I've been dry since New Years. I have yet to have a sip of alcohol here at FSU.</p>

18

<p>You think it's tough now? Come to Africa.</p>

19

<p>let's face it, the only point of having a lot of friends in college is to have a large, prestigious friend count on fb. get to work buddy</p>

20

<p>How about a job on campus? Even if you don't need one for work/study. Go to the student employment office & see if they have anything that interests you. Chances are someone else working there would have similar interest plus if its a job where you interact with the public (aka other students) you may strike up a friendship. You may become a recognizable entity so when you see someone you helped, via your job, elsewhere on campus, you can (or even they might) say, hey, I know you from... and take it from there
Good luck & hang in there!</p>