<p>OP - this may or may not be the right school for you, but I would follow up on some of the suggestions above to connect with people where you are whether you think you will be staying or not. I think your introversion combined with culture shock makes it likely that you would have some transition hurdles at any school, at least in the very beginning, and you might as well develop your social skills where you are for the time being.</p>
<p>I think you should meet with your honors college advisor ASAP, be very honest about the difficulty of your course load. You are probably in some very general freshman courses - the kind designed for the average American student to most likely pass. No doubt, coming from another country, your math education is far superior to you American classmates. There may be a fast track to more challenging course work - CLEP test out of some classes, taking advanced classes with professors permission etc. I suspect your introverted nature has not served you well in advocating for yourself, work on making your academic life better and I suspect that your social life will improve along with it.</p>
<p>Are there students studying your home language at your school? Could you tutor them in conversation? At my daughter’s school the Chinese language learners have partnered with engineering graduate students from China to improve their conversational skills - this could be a unique way for you to connect with the campus and be of help to others, community service if you will, and will help ward off depression no matter what your ultimate decision may be in regards to transferring or staying where you are.</p>
<p>Maybe Honors Colleges are systematically trying to fit square pegs into round holes, whereas most colleges (from Tier 1 to Tier 3) find the right ‘fit’ for the entering classes.</p>
<p>This makes no sense at all. Many Tier 1 and 2 schools have honors college. To believe this one would have to believe that a Tier 1 or 2 with an honors college does this, while a Tier 1 or 2 without one finds fit for entering freshmen. Just isn’t so.</p>
<p>Honors colleges can’t be discounted this way because honors colleges vastly differ from school to school. And, “most colleges (from Tier 1 to Tier 3)” don’t do diddly to find “fit” for entering classes. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>A couple of close friends, and your college will feel like a home to you. Look around your hall meetings and in the dining hall–do you see anyone else kind of alone and sad-looking? Try to make them happier by offering to join them. I find that if I try to cheer up someone else, there’s no time or energy for me to feel sad because I now am thinking about someone else. I would imagine that other international students feel homesick and ambivalent about their choice, too. Look for others not to harp on the negatives, but to have some common ground as you figure out how to help them adjust.</p>
<p>Also, I love the idea of getting involved in research. Even if you have your own project, others around you have their projects, too, and you all form a community. Often there are weekly meetings and/or journal clubs–lots of opportunities to ask others about their work or what a particular paper is reporting.</p>
<p>"5-I think you are letting your insecurities over your college choice deprive you of some much-needed contact with people who know you well. Put those thoughts out of your mind and initiate contact with those 7 high school friends now! "</p>
<p>Heck yeah! Get your butt out there and get you some!</p>
<p>The grass is not greener on the other side of that fence. That’s bull.</p>
<p>Wow, this is crazy. I’m having a VERY similar situation. I’m also an introvert. I don’t live on campus though. I think that is the root of many problems. I am considering transferring schools and living on campus there. The amazingly high costs kind of turn me off though.</p>
<p>Anyway, I can relate to your situation OP. The advice from this thread is very good. Thank you.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this will work for you, but…</p>
<p>My D was involved in an EC which had participants from many different colleges. There are many ECs for which this is the case. Some of the participants were kids from good but not very selective colleges. They joined the EC in part because they felt that their colleges just didn’t have all that many students they could become friends with. Through the EC they became friends with kids at more selective colleges. </p>
<p>I don’t know if this will work for you, but look around and see if their are any campus activities which involve other colleges.</p>
<p>Your situation is very common at this point in freshman year. Not to minimize it at all. So far, two out of my 3 kids have gone to college and both were still lonely at this point in time. Both absolutely thrived. Give people time to know you and give your campus involvements time to blossom. It is hard being so far away from home and old friends: many students in your position do go home a lot, or see high school friends. It will work out though!</p>
<p>I am curious is finances were a big part of your choice. If so, were you aware of the amazing financial aid offered by some liberal arts colleges and universities here in the U.S? Did you apply for financial aid? Were you unhappy with packages offered at your other schools?</p>
<p>I would not suggest transferring yet, though you could put in applications so that you have the option for next fall.</p>
<p>Go to college student or health services: they have counselors and also groups for students who are feeling the way you are feeling. Good luck!</p>
<p>There are two separate issues here. One is the bad personality fit. The other is the bad intellectual fit.</p>
<p>The first one is the easier fix even in a bad intellectually fit college scene. It will take time and effort and perhaps some revision of expectations. I find the second one the more challenging and potentially detrimental issue. If your school work was intellectually rewarding and stimulating you’d probably feel less frustrated even if you felt lonely. Not to mention you’d be attracting like minded individuals who value the intellectual stimulation equally, if not more than, the social scene. You want these type of people around you and finding them as a small fish in a large pond is difficult.</p>
<p>It sounds like your energy is all wrong for that college and vice versa. As I said before, if you stay it will likely get better but probably won’t ever be the places you passed on.</p>
<p>compmom: I did apply for FA- it wasn’t adequate.
If I were to reapply to the colleges which accepted me, how likely is it that they’d accept me with a similiar aid package? All of them offer to meet the full need of accepted students though they are not need blind. Is it advisable to email the collges now and ask what I should do if I wanted to transfer?</p>
<p>Also, I’m taking a much harder course schedule in the Spring, hope that helps.</p>
<p>A full scholarship international student?
It is certainly worth your while to make it work!
It would be hard for you to get a deal like this at another school!
So please consider the advice others have given you.
Part time jobs, volunteering, research opportunities, clubs, etc.
If you transfer, you may not get the same financial benefits.</p>
<p>Most students look forward to college. They work hard, test, apply, wish and hope, wait for acceptances, and decide where they will go. Sometimes, initially, it doesn’t live up to the dream. It’s not terribly uncommon. That doesn’t make you feel any better, but you are not alone. I recall from a previous post you considered applying for a transfer to a university you were not offered a position at this fall. There is nothing inherently wrong with this. It does not allow you to emotionally adjust to the school you are currently at.</p>
<p>I do believe that given more challenging classes you will feel more in place. Making friends is another issue that can take time. I would agree with other posters who have offered suggestions for service groups. They are very happy for the help. Go on a regular basis and you’ll build credibility and people will become more accepting. You do not have to change who you are. You may have to allow time for people to get to know you if you are not an outgoing person. I have a student who is fairly quiet and he has found it just takes more time. Study groups can be a good way to meet people. You may not consider this as you don’t ‘need’ to study. Others do…they may be very, very grateful for your help.</p>
<p>Give it a bit of time. You may feel very different.</p>
<p>Zig - Even if you don’t like sports, do try to attend a game (hockey, football, whatever) and sit in the student section. You may or may not meet and talk with others. But you’ll have a fun time being amongst excited fans.</p>
<p>I can relate from my own experience- full ride scholarship, out-of-state state school honors college, etc. First semester was no fun- classes too easy, social life was difficult, etc.</p>
<p>The key to changing that is to get involved. Yes, it’s difficult. But there simply has to be some group out there that shares your interests and is adequately social. I’d also note that good organizations- ones that have lots of enthusiastic members and are very active on their campuses- tend to also have strong social networks. Make sure that after meetings end that you take part in any of those opportunities, for instance going out to a certain restaurant after meetings. Or, if you can’t find an organization similar to your interests, start one of your own or start a chapter of a national organization (for instance, the Roosevelt Institution which focuses on producing policy research on a variety of issues). </p>
<p>Someone upthread suggested that you talk with the Honors Program staff at your university. That’s an excellent idea, but that’s only a starting point because the most they’ll probably be able to provide (besides, hopefully, a sympathetic ear) for you is additional contact information and opportunities. Try asking for the contact info of upperclassmen in the Honors program who are doing things similar to what you want to do. Not only can they tell you about opportunities you may not have heard about before, but they might even be able to hook you up with them or at least provide an introduction. </p>
<p>If courses are boring you, try seeing if you can sign up for a graduate course or two. Find a professor doing research that you’re interested in and just email them asking to talk to them; they might be able to take you on for a research project or let you sit in on a graduate seminar. Cold-emailing is not a bad thing; if your experience is anything like mine, professors love students who are interested in things beyond simply getting As and will be more than happy to talk with you, even if you haven’t had them for a class. </p>
<p>Go to as many lectures, talks, etc. as possible; many of those have receptions afterwards and provide more chances for talking and socializing. Perhaps the local community has other similar events- pick up a copy of the local newsweeklie or go online to find a schedule. </p>
<p>The overall gist is that you must be proactive. Sitting back and waiting for opportunities to open up will not improve the situation. Keep us posted and good luck!</p>
<p>Dear Zigzagged, I feel for you…
My daughter is an international student too. She is a freshman in a small LAC and, as she says, “She is really lucky because she likes everything there”. Actually, this was a safe school for her and she also had chosen this college because of FA. She made quite lot of friends there BUT most of them were international students.
She grew up abroad for 12 years and she might be considered as TCK (third-culture kid). She attended two international schools and all the time most of her friends were from different countries and of different nationalities then she was.
I am telling you this to show that even though my daughter is quite accustomed to meet people from different backgrounds and she has a very opened, friendly and nice personality plus in our culture we have a good tradition to get a morning shower and don’t eat a very smelly food STILL she doesn’t have american friends yet. The college has quite many international students and a GREAT international office where internationals feel very welcome, so she doesn’t feel so lonely and abandoned. She is a member of international and TCK clubs ( ) and part of other groups of interests. She has an american roommate, who is very nice and compatible with her but, again, she doesn’t refer to her as a “friend” because the girl continues to keep a distance and not in hurry at all to develop a closer friendship.
The reason is that americans and TCK have different way of making friends. As one of international advisors in my daughter’s college explained he had never been able to understand why americans and internationals hardly become friends. After reading a book about TCK he learned that contrary to TCK who had to SHARE FIRST to know each other better, then become friends and only then hang out together (because they move all the time and just don’t have time to make friends), americans HANG OUT FIRST, then… hang out, hang out again, then make friends and only then SHARE. So, when TCK starts to SHARE, americans reaction is that it is too fast! I don’t know if it is true though it seems so… at least this is my daughter’s experience with her american roommate :).
You may be not TCK but your “case” looks the same :). You are faced with a cultural shock I believe. By the way, I think that some cultures have the same way of making friends as TCK do. I won’t explain why, the post is long enough
My advice is try to find international friends first. I think that so many of them feel the same as you and you can support each other. Later, when time passes you will find good american friends, I am sure. They just need time :)</p>
<p>Zig, I’m not going to type a huge message-just a couple of suggestions. Go to your school’s exercise facility! Even if your not athletic-any amount of exercise will help your mood by releasing those endorphins. Don’t choose a machine away from everyone else-pick the one right next to someone you think might look interesting; it’s always easier to talk to someone when you’re doing something else. Going wouldn’t require a great deal of time and you don’t have to have someone else to go with. I wish they had had these facilities when I was in school.
The second suggestion-look for smaller clubs. I joined the sailing club at my big state school. There were two internationals on our boat of 10. Everyone was a little reserved at the beginning of the week trip but by the end of the week we were all fast friends and it was also a very fun way to spend spring break! Take care-you’ll get there.</p>
<p>Just dropping in to say thanks for all the advice and concern I received here.
Things have gotten much, much better- I’ve found friends (not many, but still!), changed my major and love my classes in it, and am generally happy and very grateful for the chance to be here. :)</p>
plus in our culture we have a good tradition to get a morning shower and don’t eat a very smelly food STILL she doesn’t have american friends yet. The college has quite many international students and a GREAT international office where internationals feel very welcome, so she doesn’t feel so lonely and abandoned. She is a member of international and TCK clubs (