<p>I'm like a mess. It's my first semester and I'm already doing horribly. I withdrew from math because I wasn't doing well and I feel like I'm not doing well in any other class.
I really want to be a good student but my mental issues keep getting in the way. When I want to study way before hand, I suddenly become unmotivated. I change my mind. I came in to college with a good mindset but as the days went by, I start slipping back into the horrible days right after I was diagnosed with clinical depression and horrible habits that started in high school. I don't want this.<br>
I feel like a failure. It's killing me on the inside. I feel like crying everyday. I have a load of disappointment on my back and going to hand in my withdraw papers was my limit. Why can't I just do what I plan to do instead of avoiding it? I always plan to study and look over notes when I get home but when I do, all I do is fool around. My mood always gets to me and I feel like I have aged beyond my years.
All I want is to do well and be proud of myself. Why can't I even do that for myself?
Im sorry for the rant but I know I need help. I go to a therapist but I'm still upset and look at the worst life has to offer. So please, can someone who understands the feeling give me some advice?</p>
<p>Your struggles hit at a deep personal level for a lot of people (including me). It always feels like we do what we don’t want to do and what we do want to do, we don’t do! I think it’s important to try to realize what we consider worth living for. I mean, what is truly worth working hard for, spending our lives doing, and focusing our attention on? Maybe if you delved more into that, you can understand what can be your ultimate motivation not just for school, but for living the short life you have. As for not doing well in school right now, I think at your stage (freshman) there’s still a lot of hope for a brighter future. As I said in a similar post, there have been many people who started off so wrong yet were able to live very meaningful lives, like Michael Brown, a drug addict in his teens who turned his life around later on to become a world-class Ancient Mediterranean scholar. There’s still hope, but just be patient for now and seek wisdom. Of course doing that seems almost impossibly difficult, but with love, hope, and trust in something trustworthy, there’s still a significant future for you</p>