<p>No meal plan?
Are there no common dining halls serving MIT dorms?</p>
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<p>True, if a person doesn’t learn to live with in a budget but need money barrier (i.e. running out of money) then one day they will end up filing bankruptcy because they only learned to spend how much they have not how much they should</p>
<p>What I want DD to learn is how much she should spend a month or per semester irrespective of how much she has in her bank account.</p>
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<p>Thanks PG, but I would prefer to give her subtle hints instead of sitting with her and making decisions for her.
What I would want her to understand what she needs to cut or hold back today in order to enjoy something else tomorrow.
Because may be a some day a Starbucks cup is what she really want and she can have it by not doing something else.</p>
<p>I always has the options
- To confront her and go thru her finances
- Cut her supply line.</p>
<p>But I want to go a third route of making her understand these issues without confronting or sitting with her to go thru the finances.
Putting in an other way I want her to be confident that in case of any financial troubles she can call and she will have the money without any questions asked.
But I would like to make sure that she uses the money appropriately.
So would like suggestions on how to make my point to her without any direct confrontation.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl’s suggestion sounds reasonable. But it does involve setting a limit. Once you have that limit set, she needs to watch her funds. And when she sees she may run low before the end of the month, she needs to ask you for the funds, not have you monitor it and automatically replenish it. What’s the point of a budget if there’s no controls?</p>
<p>Once she’s out of school, will she be supporting herself on what she makes, or will you continue to supplement her indefinitely? Budgeting skills are best learned now. If she is working for a business and is in charge of a project, management will not look kindly on a philosophy of ‘your budget is what you spend’</p>
<p>You will be doing your daughter a favor by helping her to live within her means and not be oblivious to discretionary spending.</p>
<p>If you’re not willing to sit with her and come up with a mutually agreed upon reasonable budget, how else do you propose to do it? It sounds like your other options are just cut off the funding and leave her high and dry, which you understandably don’t want to do, or just keep funding her unlimited. </p>
<p>You do need her input to some extent – you’re far better off getting an estimated number from her, the one who is actually living there and has (or doesn’t have) access to grocery stores, etc. – versus trying to get us all to give you a number. It’s so dependent on her city, the availability of grocery stores, cooking equipment, fast food options available to her, Starbucks, etc. that it’s simply not a figure that any of us could give for you.</p>
<p>My parents let me decide. They gave me the money up front for the year and then what I did with it was my choice. Once I ran out - I was out for the year.</p>
<p>This gal is in Boston. There is a Starbucks on every other corner. There are also many different ways to shop for food as well as a huge variety of restaurants with varying prices. The T goes everywhere and many college students DO grocery shop and ride the T. The option of using a zipcar for groceries once a month is also an option. </p>
<p>Personally, I think POIH and his daughter need to agree on an amount that is reasonable for her expenses. And personally I would NOT bail her out more than once if she overspends. In this house, we actually told our kids we would NEVER pay their credit card bills. And we haven’t. Those are their responsibility…to pay in full every month. They do this…it’s responsible spending. </p>
<p>POIH Daughter, in my opinion, should know up front what her “allowance” is for the month. This can be agreed upon by the D and her parents. Once the amount is agreed upon, she should be told to live within her means. You have expenses from September to now that you can use to help establish an amount. It’s not like she is an entering freshman and you can’t find the necessary info to set a budget. You are now in a position to review her funding with her. </p>
<p>Personally, I believe that giving her a bottomless pit of money is irresponsible…but that is me. Your family may have a very different opinion on how to manage their money!</p>
<p>She won’t set a budget unless she’s made to. Why should she? Her parents don’t want to talk about it, and the magic money well just keeps replenishing.</p>
<p>I am totally confused - POIH, you want your daughter to learn to manage money, but you don’t feel the need to give her a limit?? EVERYONE has to live within limits and you are doing your daughter a disservice by not telling her what her budget is. It doesn’t have to be (and shouldn’t be) a confrontation, it should be a discussion between adults. My kids are proud of their money saving ways. It’s not a bad thing to be treated like an adult.</p>
<p>martina99:
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<p>There are multiple ways to teach children how to budget.
- TO provide them limited amount and let them figure out how to manage.
- To prepare a full blown plan with them and give them a limited amount and tell them to stick to it.</p>
<p>My preferred way is to give freedom to DD to plan a budget for her and stick to it without having the feeling that she has done this under pressure from us.</p>
<p>I want to reach from my research an amount that I feel should be appropriate for her to live comfortably.</p>
<p>If she remains with in that amount then she is really learning a very good lesson in personal finance without putting artificial boundaries.</p>
<p>POIH, does giving your daughter the freedom to create a budget involve actually asking or suggesting that she do so? Or are you expecting her to read your mind to find out that you think it would be a good idea?</p>
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<p>I don’t agree with this. Why do I’ve to set limit and why won’t she be able to understand how much is sufficient to spend?
What’s wrong in expecting DD to learn it on her own?
I think very strongly that unless you learn to know how much you need to spend without a money limit that you will not be able to do a good job with your finances.</p>
<p>I’m abit at a loss why you don’t want to put budgetary pressure on your D. If money is simply not something your family needs to worry about then maybe I can understand and it makes sense for you to propose she put her own budget together which you will go over. But, if you are stretching and adjusting your budget to send your children to college then they absolutely need to “understand” what that budget is and respect those financial boundaries and setting the mark and letting them budget within that constraint is fine.</p>
<p>POIH - pressure does not have to have such negative connotations. She has had no pressure or limits in her life at all? Grades or bedtimes or other expectations? Money is just another subject you should help her to learn your family values about. Why are you so timid about the subject with her? It does not have to be a confrontation, just a reasonable discussion.</p>
<p>Again, she will feel pressure on her about this and other things in her life and you do her a disservice by chickening out and not giving her the guidance she needs. That’s what parenting is about sometime - dealing with things you are uncomfortable with to help your child.</p>
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<p>We talk about general finances, budgeting techniques, stock markets. What I don’t want is to tell her how much she need to spend and how. I would like her to know how much she should.
I think $750/month is a reasonable in Cambridge/Boston to live on with an accommodation. I was trying to see if it is still a valid amount or I need to make room for more.</p>
<p>Why not just come right out and tell her that you think $750 is sufficient and that she should prioritize her spending?</p>
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That’s just silly. No one has a mysterious figure and the point of budgeting is to set priorities and short/long -term goals.</p>
<p>It really seems like you’re trying to trick your daughter. Honest and respectful communication is the hallmark of a mature relationship. Sadly, it soulds as if that’s not what you and your daughter share.</p>
<p>I’m confused. You want her to set up a budget, but you don’t give her a limit that she has to work within? Sounds backwards to me. Why would she have any incentive whatsoever to set up a budget with a bottomless pit of money to work with?</p>
<p>My DD spends around $100 a month on groceries and maybe another $25 or so eating out.</p>
<p>momofthreeboys: Money can always be used for a better purpose and that is what I would like her to understand.
It is not like we have so much of money that she doesn’t need to worry about but it is also not like that we have to cut our entertainments to send her to MIT.</p>
<p>So I don’t want to put artificial boundaries because I don’t think that is any good way of teaching finances. My feeling is people who learn to use money responsibly when they have access to larger amount do better with finances than those who learn to budget because of money constraints.</p>
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<p>WHY??? Because YOU are giving her this money. Think of it this way…when/if she gets a job, she will have a SET amount every month that will be determined by the person who is paying her. At that point…it will be her employer…now it is YOU!</p>
<p>What amount are YOU willing to give her? Have a discussion with HER about her financial needs, using the information from the last several months. Then come to an agreement about the amount…whatever it is. Then be prepared to stick to it.</p>
<p>The drift I’ve gotten is that any amount you set will be a “soft” amount anyway as you plan to help her out if she overspends. In my opinion, this will NOT help her learn to budget using the money she has…because she will KNOW that it is not necessary to do so.</p>
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<p>I do not agree with this at all. Regardless of your income…or ability to access additional money…you can learn to live within a budget.</p>