I'm too young to feel this old and beat down

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>When I received the acceptance to the college of my dreams, I was ecstatic, shocked and looking forward to possibly one of the greatest moments of my life. Instead things have turned out to be the opposite of what I expect. I was expecting to meet loads of people and build connections. I have been drawn towards hanging around the same crowd though, my old high school friends. And what I realize is that they aren't really my friends, because when I ask them for help for serious matters, they usually shy away, but I'm there for them. I also notice that they usually criticize me without consideration for my feelings and rarely build up my morale or confidence, when I tell discuss with them important matters. Their usual response is that's weird or they make a joke or spread my personal matters around. I feel so lost now, because I never expected these things. It seems my relationship with them is beyond repair.</p>

<p>I want to meet new people and develop a new crowd of people to hang out with, but I don't know how and lost a lot of courage to. Does anyone have any helpful advice. I've been trying to join clubs and socialize with people, but what I notice is that after I get someone's name, they usually drift away and I'm left in the corner by myself. I've been trying to hang out with people who live on the same floor, but realize they are usually busy or I never see them. (People usually keep their doors shut.)</p>

<p>I just want to say this isn't an issue of loneliness. I am not scared to be by myself. It's just that the level of friendship that I thought I had with my old friends just doesn't exist or isn't as good as it used to be. What I do feel is depressed about this matter, and it is drastically affecting how I perform in my classes. I'm usually awake and attentive, but now I've lost all my spirit. I thought this feeling would pass in a week, but I've noticed it has been a month and I still follow the handicap of following the same routine. I want to break apart from the relationship, but I feel that if I do, I'll regret not just staying in the first place.</p>

<p>I don't know what else to say. If anyone wants to talk more personally about the matter, I can go in depth in an email or private message, but anything anyone can say will help me look at this better. My social, academic, and career goals are far from being realized. There's just so many problems that I've been facing that I hardly feel human anymore and I have failed at everything I've tried to accomplish.</p>

2

<p>I can definitely relate to how you feel. Maybe you should take some quiet time and just analyze the situation… you may realize things you hadn’t thought of. Could perhaps there be a friend of yours who feels the same way that you could connect with but you perhaps overlooked before? You mentioned something about people not leaving their door open… do you leave yours open? Consider just sitting with people in the dinning hall? Or asking a random person on your floor what they think about a project your working on? It’s little things that can really spark new friendships… stuff you really don’t think of. These things also surprisingly, can take little effort on your part. </p>

<p>The lack of confidence from being pushed away really sucks. But you gotta give yourself a little pep talk before you go into those social situations. Maybe people shy away because they can sense your lack of confidence in yourself? Before these situations tell yourself that you are a great, fun friend, and these people will be lucky to have you in their lives. Even just saying little things like that can be a real booster… and then you can feed off other peoples good vibes and take it from there</p>

<p>If your other friends are really making you feel that crappy about yourself definitely dont spend time around them for a while.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

3

<p>Joining a club is a good start but you can get to know folks there by volunteering to help organize a project. Then you will be seeing a set of people regularly in planning meetings and this can segue into or involve socializing. I think that’s a natural way that friendships are built after college as well.</p>

4

<p>Having gone through pretty much the same thing a while back, I can say:</p>

<p>Chances are, they are totally your friends. They’re probably just kind of immature and lost and don’t know how to handle what you’re going through, and I bet they make jokes about it because they’re scared of talking about it seriously. They really would help if they could - they just don’t know what to say. It’s pretty common for young people, especially if your problems aren’t just “who should I take to the prom?”</p>

<p>My best friend freshman year was never someone I could talk to about serious problems. Like your friends, she’d spread them around or make silly jokes or say exactly the wrong things, so I figured she didn’t really care about me, and I got really depressed about it because I didn’t have any other friends. But when I got kicked out of school for trying to kill myself, she spent twenty minutes crying into my shoulder. People usually care more than they can show it. Especially young people who aren’t quite sure how to deal with other people’s problems. You probably do want to find friends who are more mature, but that doesn’t mean your old friends aren’t worth keeping. They’re still people you can hang out and have fun with, right?</p>

<p>The worst thing you can do is isolate yourself. If you totally cut yourself off from your old friends you may not have the stamina to meet new friends, and then you might end up alone, which will make things seem infinitely worse. Even if you feel alone already, things get a lot worse when you’re actually alone and don’t even have people you can have lunch with. Do not be tempted to retreat into the shelter of your own mind! Let me tell you, it can be a hellish place.</p>

<p>By the way, gossip can be a natural response to worry. If you were worried about someone and didn’t know how to handle it yourself, what would you do? Tell a friend. Ask for advice. The more degrees of separation there are, the less confidential things start seeming, and that’s when the gossip thing becomes a problem. But a lot of times the people who initially violated your confidence did it for a good cause. (Or they might not realize you wanted them to keep it a secret. A lot of people aren’t very sensitive about these things.)</p>

5

<p>Also, I should mention: if your old friends aren’t there for you, your new friends probably won’t be there for you either. Regardless of how awesome they are, it takes a while to build a friendship up to the point where you can talk about serious issues, and by that time it’ll probably be too late for them to help. If I were you I’d talk to your parents or a counselor. But don’t fall into the trap of thinking you’re crazy just because you’re going to counseling. Those people like to label people and it might hurt you more than it helps.</p>

6

<p>I was feeling really alone for a bit, but then I got into a really detailed conversations with some of my friends here. I had a huge fight with my closest friend here and didn’t talk to her for a month - I finally started talking to her like heart to heart after we apologized to each other etc etc. I feel like I’m always guarding myself with a tough exterior, and when I abandoned some of it, I immediately felt alot better. Perhaps you are guarding yourself too? Just get loose at least once a week, go drinking, do whatever. Really, such SUCH a stress reliever. I feel so much better these days!</p>

7

<p>I’ve been taking your guys’ advice. I’ve reanalyzed the situation and find that I don’t have any redeeming or appealing qualities. People tend to scatter away from me in social situations. I’ve lost myself in a sense. I’ve lost interest in all the things I used to like, and most of the time I try to introduce my friends to things, they aren’t interested or think its stupid. I don’t know if this is common in college, but I just feel scared and alone too much and I’m worried about what happens next.</p>

8

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/810948-how-do-i-tell-my-friends-i-dont-want-friends-them-anymore.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/810948-how-do-i-tell-my-friends-i-dont-want-friends-them-anymore.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Similar thread was started a few days ago. </p>

<p>trobodor—>bronson—>raefless—>pmvd---->innovativebox—>htamt ondab---->moire</p>

9

<p>Consider making an appointment with the counseling services at your school; talking about your problems/worries to a professional who is accustomed to dealing with students could really help you see things from a different perspective and sometimes talking out loud helps clarify matters.</p>

10

<p>trobodor, there is nothing wrong with you. Stop beating yourself up.</p>

11

<p>Well, I don’t know you, so I don’t know whether you have any appealing qualities or not, but I can say I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t appealing in some way or another. (Though I have met a lot of people who thought they weren’t.) So chances are you really are a good guy, even if it’s really hard to feel that way. Stay strong!</p>

<p>Also, if a few of the following apply to you, you should probably make sure you’re not depressed or something…because then things might just get worse, and you should seek help before that happens.</p>

<p><a href=“1”>quote</a> depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad or empty) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful). Note: In children and adolescents, can be irritable mood.</p>

<p>(2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others)</p>

<p>(3) significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day. Note: In children, consider failure to make expected weight gains.</p>

<p>(4) insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day</p>

<p>(5) psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down)</p>

<p>(6) fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day</p>

<p>(7) feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick)</p>

<p>(8) diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others)</p>

<p>(9) recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide

[/quote]
</p>

12

<p>It’s like I made an account and created a thread in my sleep… Except that I’m not going to the college of my dreams, yet :).</p>

<p>I’m interested to know how things turn out. I haven’t done this yet, but I think what might need to happen, is that you just need to sum up the courage to do bold things over and over, until you succeed. Go up to people and try to chat it up. If it fails, then attempt another bold move. Keep doing things out of your comfort zone until you stop fearing them or their outcomes.</p>

13

<p>at least your roommate doesn’t constantly fart</p>

14

<p>

</p>

<p>I wouldn’t be surprised. To my knowledge, bronson has never even tried rebutting the numerous claims of him being an alt of these usernames.</p>

<p>bronson, if you are not just ■■■■■■■■ and are really this negative in life, I would strongly recommend therapy and medication. I’m being serious. Take action before it gets worse.</p>