I'm trying to write an letter of appeals for UCI Let me hear what you think

even though chances are slim I’m still trying to get in UCI
I do not know the proper length and writing style to use…
give me some feedback plz

With 1450 SAT score and 3.8 weighted GPA, I considered myself a suitable applicant for Irvine as what the statistics of other applicants were indicating when I was applying. But, it was not, I was being arrogant for the most part of my application. The SAT score which seemed to pledge me the admission was literally nothing more than just a little above the average and my GPA was actually far below the average. I have no doubt that I could easily be rejected in this competitive admission. It was purely an oversight on me.
despite my failure, I would like to appreciate to the UC Irvine’s Department of admission for considering my application thoughtfully. The whole process on college admission has definitely derived my personal growth even including when I need to accept the rejections from most UCs.
For the past few weeks, I have devised a compelling and valid reason for my appeal, because I want to share my value that I could not show up before. additionally, I do not want to dispose of my voracious desire for studying biological science at UC Irvine.

The first factor I want you to definitely reconsider is my developmental potential in a means of academic aptitude. Even though I’m classified as an in-state student of California, I was born in Daejeon, South Korea and grew up there for 15 years. (I provided wrong information on the UC application as Pleasant Hill CA, that is my current address.) I went through an arduous time to fill the gap of the language difference. I wanted to place myself in a more pressing environment which made me pass the ELPAC test and skip the English as a second language (ELS) class. I was a ‘B’ student through my sophomore year and I got 1070 on PSAT 10 testing. With sustained practice, I was able to escalate my ability, raising my GPA and SAT score through my junior year. From a ‘B’ student to an ‘A’ student with three Advanced placement classes, I genuinely improved a lot more than when I just came. I kept my academic rigor by taking more AP classes and commit to being tutor in after school peer tutoring program. I firmly believe that I have potential values that would refine and develop me. My GPA and SAT score would not preeminent at all, compared to that of the applicants who have straight-A grades and good qualities. Even so, It merely has been less than 3 years since I came, and I achieved significant academic achievement in a short space of time with this hardship that prevents me from performing my full academic potential.

Moreover, In my senior year, I commit to take a leadership role after I submitted my college application. With the leadership skills that I obtained from Stanford leadership conference, I was nominated as team HBV club president for college park high school. Taking the leadership position, I organized plenty of fundraisers and events to spread awareness of hepatitis b liver cancer. Besides selling foods at school events for fundraising purposes, my companion and I made a proposal to launch our project at the Pistahan Festival. I attached our main proposal paper below. While I took an AP Calculus this year, I also had the chance to volunteer as an after school peer tutor for math for sophomore and freshman who are struggling with algebra problems. I was too timid to try those leadership roles last 2 years due to my obscure English, but this year, I was devoted to pervade positive influence to the community and to the school. Teaching other students and leading a team enhanced my capability to cooperate with other people and elicit their potential. Even so now while many students are locked down by their home, I am helping my tutees with their online homework. It is genuinely being a pleasure to be helpful and to be thankful for supports with people around me. Thus I want to augment this with UCI boundary, dedicating for a shared vision of creating ‘Brilliant Future’ for everyone.
When I was on college research, UCI became my dream school as one of the main themes of Brilliant future campaign was “advancing the American dream.” which inspires me to believe the same vision of supported diversity, and innate potential meets genuine opportunity. Even though I know the chance that my appeal can be accepted is very slim, I would be more than happy If I can still have a chance to be part of the Anteater family. I hope you stay always healthy in this exacerbating situation. Thank you for reading my letter thoughtfully and thank you for letting me become a better person through this admission process.

Is this the appeal???

Way toooo long. You lost me in the second paragraph.
I understand that English is not your primary language but the errors in grammar and mechanics are overwhelmingly blatant and detract from your message. Your formulation of correct sentences, capitalization errors, knowing how and when to use appropriate vocabulary just add to the confusion of the message. Use simple language and terms that you understand. Stay away from the thesaurus!

When you get a chance, work with one of your teachers to enhance your grammar and mechanics in your letter.

One to two paragraphs with supporting documentation is substantial for your appeal.
"I am writing to appeal the admission decision for the Class of 2024. I am including the following new information and documentation to support my appeal. . . . . . "

Also, don’t post your appeal online.

Your appeal needs to be new information/activities that have occurred after you submitted your application.

That’s it.

Maybe add that they are your first choice school and you will definitely attend if offered admission. (If that’s true).

You probably shouldn’t have skipped that ESL class. Your writing is very confusing, and appears full of vague general statements and overuse of a thesaurus. The college wants a short update on new accomplishments since you submitted your original application. They do not want to hear excuses for underperformance (the place for that would have been in a letter from your guidance counselor in your original application). The key words: short and precise.

You’re going to want to ask a teacher or guidance counselor to help you one-to-one on this. Make sure to have two people proofread it before you send it.

UC Forum Champion Note to @Isaaacab: Please do not post appeal letters or essays on this website. If you want opinions on your appeal letter, please ask CC posters to PM you for a copy. Since your letter needs significant editing and rewriting, please keep the next draft to yourself and ask the CC posters to PM you for a copy. Best of luck.