<p>intparent–she has a great list. No need to add more. We visited 20 colleges and S applied to 10, two safeties. We did spend more time and energy on the safety schools because I wanted him to find 2 really good ones. In his case, it was Goucher and Lewis & Clark. Kids might as well go with their gut reactions on this.</p>
<p>You and I think alike. 
She also visited 20, and we spent a lot of time on safeties (D1 ended up falling in love with her safety, got great merit aid, and had a fantastic experience there). Mt. Holyoke and Lawrence are her safeties.</p>
<p>Holyoke might be a perfect place for her to find her voice. Lawrence sounds great too!</p>
<p>Yes… but she does crave being with the smartest kids. So unlike her sister, I am guessing she will not end up at one of her safeties unless she has to. But stranger things have happened!</p>
<p>My lovely, brilliant D is seriously socially awkward. She has extreme social anxiety, and we were concerned about this process.</p>
<p>FWIW, she has been taking Paxil for the social anxiety for about 4 months. Her interviews have been fantastic (2-3 hours each) and she is feeling great about it. She is also applying to schools known for their high quirk factor, and I really think it has made an incredible difference.</p>
<p>Most schools do not require interviews - if they are optional, I would skip them. We really would have considered that, but my D ended up scheduling them ask on her own. I’m exceptionally proud of her, and it is making me feel much better about sending her off into the world. :-)</p>
<p>I think interviews are a way a student can signal strong interest more than anything else; it seems that they do not have a great impact on admission compared to other factors. I don’t think they can do much harm unless a student displays seriously bizarre behaviors; shyness and awkwardness don’t count. All colleges care about yield (percentage of accepted students who choose to attend). They are not interested in accepting students who won’t show up in the fall. If you live fairly locally and your D applies to a highly selective college with a national student body (i.e. Carleton), they may wonder why your D did not bother to interview when it would have been easy for her to do so. Just something to consider.</p>
<p>D2 chose not to interview and was even looking at schools where she wouldn’t have to participate in classes. But she ended up at a LAC with very small classes that forced her to interact not only in class but also with profs to even register for classes. Even more important for her development was a summer job that required her to interact with difficult people (including her boss!) on a regular basis. She still doesn’t prefer to interview … and hasn’t liked small talk since age 3 … but she can do it. If sparkling interview repartee isn’t your child’s forte at this point, don’t despair!</p>
<p>OP, I would check with the common data sets of all the schools–especially the more local schools–to see if or how each school weights interviews, and then make your decisions as to whether or not to interview.</p>
<p>One way to help your daughter develop her skills in making small talk is to sometimes take her along when you meet a friend for coffee or a meal, and include her in the general flow of the conversation–world news, local news, sports, the weather, whatever–so that she gets out of her comfort zone in a comfortable way. It’s a skill that can be developed and strengthened.</p>
<p>Oh, I don’t think you guys get just how unable D is to participate in the normal flow of conversation with people she does not know well. Believe me, she does not say ONE WORD if we are meeting someone for coffee, having lunch with someone, etc. Even going out with relatives (like grandparents) who she only sees a few times a year, she just does NOT talk any more than minimally required. Even if I talk with her ahead of time, encourage her to do so, and we try to include her in the conversation. This isn’t just “out of her comfort zone”. This is out of her universe…</p>
<p>For whatever reason, she has no trouble with class participation. Although I think she is quiet for the first few days while she scopes out the teacher and her classmates. And does not just talk for the sake of talking (one teacher who graded on how often they spoke up, and gave high grades to students who were willing to babble about anything, made her crazy). But good intellectual classroom conversation is too hard for her to resist. :)</p>
<p>NJSue, I agree, that is a concern about the local schools. Good news is that Carleton did an info session at her school, and just three students attended. She took some prepared questions, and said the interviewer (head of admissions) learned their names, and commented that she had clearly done her homework on the school ahead of time because her questions were very good. So… she is hoping that will sub for the actual experience of interviewing…</p>
<p>yes, I think that is fine for Carleton.</p>
<p>Speaking of babbling in class, I often felt my son was penalized, especially in middle school, for not babbling on in papers. College is different, fortunately.</p>
<p>This so reminds me of my son. He just doesn’t get “small talk” but has no problem with serious exchange of ideas. He’s surely on the spectrum for something, but so are most of his peers! These guys stare awkwardly at their shoes, unless there’s a topic of interest to them. </p>
<p>The good news is he’s getting better. In company he can say enough so that he doesn’t appear rude. </p>
<p>I used to be quite shy and introverted. I would panic when asked a simple question like “What did you do this weekend?” because I couldn’t THINK OF A SIMPLE ANSWER. Everyone else seemed more glib and had better recall or connections between their brain and lips or something. And I wasn’t even curious about other people and what they were saying, so talking to me must have been like dropping a pebble into a well. So…people can change as they mature and get more life experience. :)</p>
<p>Interview is not important or necessary with Cornell, if that helps. It is just informational.</p>
<p>Thanks, oldfort. It is interesting, the Common Data shows that the schools that care the most are the less selective ones on the list. I suppose this is because they get more applications and have less time to interview anyway. Although since U of Chicago hides their CDS, no one really knows what they do anyway. But they can’t possibly count the interview for much with being on track to get 30,000 apps this year!</p>
<p>Mommusic, I was also like that… so I get D’s issues. I also would have been a horrible interview at that age. But I think my brain grew (literally) in that area in my 20s. And I had a job that forced me to figure more of it out in my late 20s. Hoping D will eventually also get there.</p>
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<p>(((IntParent)))
I get it. This is my kid. She’s a complete introvert and very happily so. For years, people would tell me, “Oh, my kid’s shy just like yours! She’ll warm up!” And I would think, I would <em>know</em>, no she won’t! She’s as warm as she’s going to get! </p>
<p>It’s the same with relatives. She has little interest in small talk and will not talk on the phone at all unless absolutely necessary (bday and Christmas). I don’t think she gets that a one word response does not come across well, even though I’ve told her dozens of times.</p>
<p>She’s not as aspie though. She and I both found the book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” to be very helpful. She identified with so much of it, and I saw things through a bit of a different lens. It doesn’t help that we are a pretty unsocial family. ;)</p>
<p>She’d like the anonymity of a larger school. I’m thinking a smaller school would be a better fit, that she’ll more easily find her niche, even if she’s not completely looking for it.</p>
<p>She happens to go to an independent school that is sort of like an LAC now, so actually she prefers that environment. She loves an energetic, intellectual class discussion. I think Cornell, although it is on her list, is probably too big… it is the school I can least imagine her attending on her list. But Feynman went there, so she said she thought it was worth applying. U of C is also on the large end, but as they are ALL smart, she is willing to consider it.</p>
<p>One thing that bugs her is that almost all admissions people are extroverts. A sort of lack of diversity, in her opinion. Of course, she (and most other introverts) would hate that job, and would be terrible in it. “Two introverts sat down for a college interview…” Ugh.</p>
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<p>Not necessarily. Being introverted has nothing to do with being shy, and being extroverted has nothing to do with being outgoing. Introverted has to do with how one recharges one’s batteries. Introverts recharge by going in their own heads / spending alone time. Extroverts recharge by being with other people. I am very introverted, but I can absolutely lead large groups of people, socialize at business events, meet new people and engage in small talk, and so forth. But it just exhausts me and I need to “go quiet” after I do.</p>
<p>My older son is not a conversationalist and we were terrified by the interview process for him. One school he applied to (MIT) said upfront that the admittance rate is halved if you don’t interview. So naturally he had an interview. We practiced a lot ahead of time so that he would have answers and thoughts ready. I don’t think he particularly enjoyed the interviews, but he seemed to do all right. </p>
<p>My younger son (a talker unlike his brother) got into schools where he thought the interview went less well, and did not get into the one where the interviewer was most enthusiastic about him. (It was also one of the most selective schools he applied to, so it’s likely that even a stellar interview did not make up for his stats.)</p>
<p>My D was also accepted by a selective college where she had a “meh” interview, and rejected by an equally selective one where she had a “great” (her term) one, so her experience parallels mathmom’s son.</p>
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<p>As an introvert myself, I actually have no problem speaking to people in structured performance situations (meetings, interviews, presentations) where I don’t have to rely on my wit and charm to gain the floor. Going to large parties and making small talk, however, is torture. I’ve learned to do it through the years but I still dislike it. My mother, an extrovert, was the opposite. She’d talk to anybody and loved to socialize, but hated performing. She would rather die than get up and give a speech. I would rather die than go to a party where I don’t know very many people.</p>
<p>College interviews are a very structured, conventional situation. Even shy kids can learn how to get through them by considering them a kind of academic task (which is, in some sense, what they are).</p>
<p>Would it be possible to address the issue ahead of time with an interviewer?</p>
<p>How would you suggest doing that? “My delicate little snowflake is very quiet and has a hard time talking to strangers, so please take this into account.” Parent involvement REALLY isn’t welcomed by interviewers, IMHO. I think it would be seen as the worst kind of helicoptering.</p>
<p>As I said at the beginning of the thread, we are actually not looking to fix the problem this year… it is very integral to her personality at this time. I am more interested in understanding the impact on her admissions of making the decision not to interview.</p>
<p>Mathmom, I suspect MIT gets a LOT of kids who are not good at interviewing, so that at least would be some consolation if we were in that spot. As it is, no school on her list requires it.</p>