xiggi had it right in post #1. Elite private schools will be, and largely are, for the very rich and the poor. The middle class gets screwed, for lack of a better term, out of the picture. It is obscene that workers and savers with assets to show for it get less FA. Great. Let’s penalize people for working and saving and having assets.
That is bad policy.
I don’t know how merit aid works, it is probably on a car by case basis, and I am sure many of the top private schools have generous merit aid that, in some cases, brings their total costs down to about what one would pay at a public. I guess that makes everything hunky dory but I find myself getting militant about this issue for some reason.