In a Huge Dilemma

College Search & Selection
1

<p>am in a huge dilemma right now and I am so frazzled at this point!</p>

<p>First off, I am very afraid about the idea of college. I don't think I'll be able to handle the freedom or being away from my family for too long. I have tried taking college classes and it hasn't helped me adjust mentally to college.</p>

<p>Secondly, I know I do have to go to college. I don't want to disappoint my parents about going in the wrong direction. They want me to go into a certain field and I am thinking about it, but I don't know where my heart is. I don't want to disappoint them at all. Another point my cousin brought up was the fact that if I didn't know what I wanted to do, there would be no point in wasting money on a college and that I should just go to a local college. What do you think I should do about this?</p>

<p>Also, I have made a huge list of colleges that I might want to attend, but I cannot narrow the list down. Right now, I have a 4.0 GPA and I've taken a number of AP classes in high school. I am taking Calculus at a college and I work for the school newspaper. I have volunteered at the hospital for the summer and I also volunteered at a few other places. In my freshman year I did martial arts and did a sport in junior year. I am in National Honor Society this year as well. I have taken the SATs and I am planning on taking them again as well as the ACTs. I am not sure what colleges I could get into and I am really nervous that I won't be able to apply and get everything done in time.I have started my CommonApp but that's about it. What colleges do you think I could get into? How do I decide on a career? How do I get my parents to be on my side for these decisions? Finally, how do I get rid of the feeling of being afraid of college?</p>

<p>Thank you so much for your help!</p>

2

<p>You sound like a very normal high school senior at this point in the application cycle.</p>

<p>I don’t think you need to worry about a career at this point. Pick a major that matches your current academic strengths and realize that you can change your major later when new academic areas interest you. Your parents are on your side and are a great resource for reminding you that they will always love and support you, even when the going gets tough. Very normal to feel afraid at this point. A year from now, when you have chosen wisely (and so has your future school in choosing you), and you have visited for accepted students’ weekend and you are a year older, this will be an exciting experience, not a scary one.</p>

3

<p>Your grades are excellent and scores are good, so it might be a shame not to consider other schools. You might feel more supported at a small school. If you’re in Connecticut and can afford a small liberal arts college, you might want to look at Connecticut College or Trinity; in Maine maybe Bates; in New York maybe Union or Hamilton. You would probably need to be in the 650-690 range in math and verbal to make those likely. If you look at small schools with upper scores for their 25%-75% range that are lower than yours (Ursinus, for example), you might get merit aid. Re: being away from your parents----colleges have more breaks than you might think. Many have a mid-semester break in October, then you have Thanksgiving and often a long Christmas break. And you will get used to being away so that spring semester which has fewer breaks won’t be bad.</p>

4

<p>I’d also like to point out that I only want to stay in the Northeast area, so the highest up I would go is probably Massachusetts, the lowest would be New Jersey, and the most West would be Pennsylvania.</p>

<p>I want to make my parents proud and go to a good school. I have been considering UPenn, Boston College, NYU, Boston University, Connecticut College, Brown, Amherst, Trinity, UCONN, Columbia, and Johns Hopkins.</p>

5

<p>Also, completely fine to call your parents when you are away at school as much as you want. See the “Katherine Schwarznegger calls her parents 4 times a day” thread for support if you need it.</p>

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<p>Thank you for the support, siliconvalleymom. :)</p>

<p>Does anyone know if any of those colleges above would accept a person like me?</p>

7

<p>Half of those schools would be a stretch but I wouldn’t lose hope. If I was you, I’d apply to the list you gave. Nothing more and nothing less.
Best of luck.</p>

8

<p>Which would you consider a stretch? I am just hoping my SAT score goes up. Otherwise I am trapped. :(</p>

9

<p>UPenn, Brown, Columbia, Amherst, and JH</p>

10

<p>Thank you for the help! :slight_smile: Does anyone else have any advice?</p>

11

<p>Bringing this up!</p>

12

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<p>This part of what your cousin told you is definitely wrong. Most students either go to college with no firm idea of a major, or change their minds once there. If you’re not sure of your interests, going to a large university with lots of good programs can work out
great. </p>

<p>

Do they think you should have your life plan worked out while you’re still in high school?
Bad idea. Pick something to get them off your back, but don’t consider yourself tied to that choice.</p>

13

<p>First, relax. Second, some of what you are experiencing is normal. If crying and anxiety attacks are frequent, then perhaps you should seek some counseling before you head off to college. And above all, discuss it openly with your parents, listening to their advice, but also allowing yourself to express your feelings and fears to them. Fear of failure is common, but one must not let it overwhelm you. College classes are tough and some professors may be a bit aloof and detached, but overall, if you managed your AP classes you will be fine. Finally, getting straight A’s in college is hard to do and you have to give yourself some leeway to get some B’s and maybe a C in a course like Chemistry (which in college is notoriously difficult). Love and trust yourself, before you can love and trust others. Identify what your fears are really all about. </p>

<p>SOME of what you may be experiencing (and fearing) can be managed by selecting the right college for you: and part of that fit is location. Perhaps you can be “away at college” but not too far away…like 90 minutes or two hours from home, close enough for contact if issues arise, but not so close as to be cloying and claustrophic and controlling. Part of college is learning to deal with others…who may have different values and life experiences than you, be brash or rude, or wild. Its about growing up. Learn to love and laugh…especially at yourself. Laughter is huge stress reliever. Being able to laugh at oneself is critical to a healthy mindset. Its okay to have foibles and insecurities and neurosis. Everyone has quirks, trust me. But beinga able to laugh at yourself is important too. </p>

<p>Pick a school where you won’t drown, or be too lonely or lost in the shuffle. Is that a large public like UConn? Or a small private like Wesleyan or Connecticut College? Or Fairfield University? Are you outgoing and like to outdoors, or an indoors book reading type who prefers to be alone? take an inventory of your habits and preferences and try to match them with a college as best you can. </p>

<p>No school is perfect. No PERSON is perfect. Recognize that freshman year is full of dramas and emotions and ups/downs. But the dorms will be full of people just like you…homesick, insecure and yet full of life and ambition. Its okay. You will be okay. Reach out to people and talk about it. Give yourself a break…don’t be too hard on yourself and laugh a lot. </p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

14

<p>Well they would like me to at least know what career I want. I understand why they are saying this, but at this point, I don’t have the heart to decide.</p>

<p>I am quite worried about the SATs and the college application process. Also, I cannot seem to narrow down my list at all. As of now I have about 30 schools in mind, but obviously I am not applying to all of them.</p>

<p>I don’t know what to do in such a short time. :frowning: BC’s early action is due November 1st and I still have to take the SATs again and do well on them, as well as finish college apps, get recommendations, and write the essays.</p>

15

<p>Focus on your common application essay right now. That will allow you to apply to several schools. In order to narrow down the list, have you looks at Fiske guides, Princeton Review, *****, etc? Sometimes knowing the “feel” of the school will help you mark it off the list. If you are in need to financial aid, it is okay to have a lot of schools on your list so taht you can compare packages. If you can visit schools this month and next (even on a weekend) then try that. Once you know what you want in a school (LAC, research university, cost, Greek life, strong majors, facilities) it is easier to knock schools off the list. Remember that getting into a “good” school does not necessarily mean a prestigious school. Your parents will be proud if you do your best a a place that makes you happy. I can’t imagine a parent not being proud of you if you go to a smaller school with good merit aid.
By now, you know that you are not alone in the process. I suggest getting your folks involved in the process as well, so that you have them for support. I wish you luck.</p>

16

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<p>Remember though that Freshman College courses are designed for Freshman just like you! And the course load is also designed for Freshman just like you.</p>

<p>You will miss people that you know, but as a Freshman you will have ample opportunity to meet a whole bunch of new people. Freshman orientation is designed to make you meet people. You will also meet people in your dorm and in classes.</p>

17

<p>I’ve tried using the Fiske Guide and Princeton Review but I still cannot narrow my list down. I first based my list off of location and how prestigious the schools were, but after that, I have nothing else to narrow the list down with.</p>

<p>I’ve gotten advice that I shouldn’t look at the financial aspects until I have received financial aid and scholarships. Other than that, I don’t see what I can narrow the list down with.</p>

<p>As for the type of person I am, I am a person who is sensitive and has a big conscience. I keep reserved to myself a lot and really only talk to people in my classes and to my best friends. I also only really talk to people who I feel are close enough to me. What kinds of schools would be good for me?</p>

18

<p>to the OP … as others have mentioned what you are going through is pretty typical for HS students. Also as other have said I wouldn’t worry about not knowing your career yet … to be honest as an old geezer I am more worried about 16-17-18 year olds who know exactly what they want to do with their lives than with those who don’t … college is a chance to explore and to figure out where to <em>start</em> your professional life.</p>

<p>Finally, the concern about being away from home is not unique either … I would say you may want to strike Stanford, Cal, and Reed from your list since they are so far from home … but there are literally over 100 great options withing an easy drive from your home (assuming you’re in CT). If you really are not prepared to leave home consider schools to which you could commute when you start school. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

19

<p>I don’t think you are going about whittling your list down in the proper manner. I also disagree with not worrying about financials at this point. Some schools simply do not offer scholarships (Merit awards).</p>

<p>Throw out the prestige factor and focus on fit – What type of environment will you be comfortable with? Have you visited any schools? Even if you did not like the school, evaluate what you did like and what you really did not like – this will help you focus. And nothing is insignificant – it could be as simple as you do not want a long walk from the dorm to a cafeteria.</p>

<p>For example, I’d suggest re-evaluating why NYU is on your list. It is in a huge city with no “green” campus. It is notorious for not giving financial aid packages. If you need “serene lawns”, then this isn’t the campus for you. If your family can’t afford $50k/year, then this school may be a waste of energy applying to. However, some folks love the city and feel more at ease surrounded by more people.</p>

<p>UPenn is a city school, but it has green lawns and is enclosed. They offer financial aid.</p>

<p>So NYU vs UPenn are 2 city schools, but can be viewed very differently.</p>

<p>Brown and Amherst give no merit (based on grades), but give great financial aid.</p>

<p>Involve your parents in the process. Tell them in order to get your list to a managable number you need them to work through the financial aid calculators and determine your family’s EFC. If you EFC is very high, then your list will be whittled down by focusing on schools that give merit aid.</p>

<p>If your parents have a lot of assets (house, vacation home, etc), or have their own business, then you will want to apply to schools with a mix of financial aid requirements. Some schools require only the FAFSA form; others requires FAFSA and CSS Profile.</p>

<p>Tell your parents the truth – You don’t know what you want to do because you haven’t been exposed to the large array of classes that you will be in college. You can pick a major now so that you are working toward a career path, but you really want the freedom to change paths if you find other interests. I started as a Chem E major, but hated labs. I took an Econ course and LOVED it – my High School never exposed me to business/statistics. My parents were concerned I’d be employable at graduation. They were understanding at my change of heart in major when I could provide examples of jobs Econ grads at my college were getting. </p>

<p>You are NOT trapped! Tons of wonderful schools in the region. You do not even need to retake SATs and could still find plenty of great options.</p>

<p>You are intimidated by college level courses right now. So, change up your list add some very good schools that are considered the ‘A+ schools for B students’ Someone mentioned Ursinus – this would be the type of school that would be challenging without being intimidating. Plus it offers merit $ and is in the region you specified (south eastern PA).</p>

<p>Remember, any school with <20% acceptance rate is a stretch for ALL students, even those who are over confident and have perfect SATs. It is just because there are not enough slots to take all the good candidates.</p>

<p>If cost is an issue, SUNY Geneso gives merit to OOS, is cheaper than privates and is probably a reasonable drive from home.</p>

<p>If standardized testing is causing anxiety – drop all schools that require SAT IIs. Why worry about more tests if you have some good options.</p>

<p>And we here at CC are great about giving opinions – List 30 schools and you’ll get opinions on which don’t align or which don’t give good aid, etc. It doesn’t mean you should apply to what CC posters dictate; it simply means CC posters can point out some similiarities and differences that you are not seeing.</p>

20

<p>Thanks for everyone’s support! Things are starting to get a little bit better now. Also, I have an update on my SAT scores. They are now 2010. (740 Math, 680 Writing, 590 CR)</p>

<p>I know that the CR is EXTREMELY low, but I’ve tried again and again to get them higher and it just won’t work anymore. Do many chances change now for any of the reach schools?</p>