<p>I have no idea how my essay is. I got a 9 the 1st time I took the SAT, and despite practicing writing I just can't seem to phrase my ideas clearly and coherently. I repeat A LOT and often my sentences don't flow well. </p>
<p>Please just give me a score if you do not want to comment. </p>
<p>What motivates people to change?</p>
<pre><code>Change is an inevitable part of life. Sometimes change is induced naturally, such as the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly. But other times other factors beget change. Hardships are one of the most powerfully factors that motivate people to change and this phenomenon can be seen in American economy and the novel Huckleberry Finn.
During the Roaring Twenties the American economy soared as nonstop production created an affluent middle class society. People invested their life savings into the stock market and wholeheartedly trusted the stability of the economy. During times of prosperity people felt no need to charge their economy because they led comfortable lives. however, in October 1929 the disastrous stock market crash motivated president Franklin Delano Roosevelt to change the fundamental structure of American economy. The stock market crash had revealed substaintial problems with the economy. People invested stock blindly and often into unstable companies. Overspeculation created debt and led people to sell their houses. FDR ameliorated many of these issues by setting up organizations that oversaw stockmarket investments and legislated the Social Security Act to provide citizens with some kind of insurance in their lives in case misfortunes befell upon them. The Great Depression motivated president Roosevelt to revise the American economic system and correct many problems that led to a more stable country. Without this national economic hardship, the American economy might still be hindered by its unsafe practices and not function as effectively as it does today.
Hardships also motivated Huck Finn to change. During his journey along the Mississippi, Huck was forced to work together with the slave escapee Jin in order to ensure both of their survival. In order to coorporate with Jim, Huck had to overcome personal prejudices against Jim. For example, Huck often made fun of Jim for his superstitions for the hairball and for the devils and witches. Huck thought that Jim was an unintelligent, imbecile whose feelings did not matter as much as those of white people. Acting on his prejudice, Huck once lied to Jim about the disappearance of their raft. But Huck immediately saw that Jims feelings were hurt, and from then on he never treated Jim disrespectfully again. Hardships forced Huck to coorporate with Him; to work efficiently with Jim, Huck had to change his bias against slaves.
Hardships in both history and literature have been shown to invoke change. In both situations a bad situation can create something beneficial in the long run.
</code></pre>
<p>It's pretty well organized, with an intro and conclusion. The examples make sense and pretty detailed and explanatory. I would say your main problem is grammar. And as cheesy and beautiful as it sounds, IMO, cut the butterfly sentence. You are not talking about natural change in this essay. It's unnecessary. I'd probably give it a 9.</p>
<p>I think your right on track content wise. You have two solid examples that you follow through with, wrapping them up at the end showing how the even brought about the change. You've used a bunch of "SAT words" too. </p>
<p>Like they already said, the only issue is really grammar, which I know is difficult in 25 minutes. I'd say maybe you could work on trying to get the essay done just a teeny bit faster so you have a chance to carefully read over your essay if you don't already. A lot of the mistakes look like things you would do in a rush but might catch just by reading in and hearing it back... like, "Hardships are one of the most powerfully factors" could be one of the most powerfully motivating factors or the most powerful factors. Just watch agreement.</p>
<p>Or... "Huck was forced to work together with the slave escapee Jin in order to ensure both of their survival." Sometimes you have unnecessary words; "in order to ensure their survival" would work better. </p>
<p>The teacher in my SAT class adviced us to read through the essay for content and word errors maybe, but what she felt was more important was to read backwards through the essay, as it won't flow coherently and you'd be more likely to pick up some grammatical errors. I've never tried that myself, I never have time to read over the essays, I write until they force me to stop, but you might consider giving it a try.</p>
<p>your essay did not deserve a 9
there is no question that it deserved much higher than a 9
whoever graded your essay is unqualified to do so</p>
<p>every poster above just enjoys being a critic
unfortunately, i believe you were just plain unlucky to have received that score</p>
<ol>
<li>does your essay answer the question? yes</li>
<li>is your essay well-organized? yes</li>
<li>does your essay make use of specific examples? YE</li>
<li>is your essay free of grammatical mistakes? i didnt notice any
how can trifling grammatical mistakes cost you 3 points?</li>
</ol>
<p>I think it was a well written essay, sophisticated sounding... but I think, and I don't mean this to put the original poster down in any way, there are some grammatical mistakes that cause you to pause for a second and although they may be trivial, it might take a second to understand what the sentence is saying. So, in grading the essay in a minute or two, the errors I think slightly hinder the coherancy of an otherwise really well written essay. That's how it can cost you 3 points, I guess. </p>
<p>I'm no qualified grader, but it's my only explanation for it because you're right the question was well supported.</p>