<p>I am a mom of three. I am finding that I really needing help dealing with the stresses that come along with a hs senior student. My child has been a 4.0 student for most of his life. He is at middle of his senior year, has carried a 4.0 since at least 5th grade and has a 35 ACT score, NMS commendation, taken the hardest courses available with many honors thru the years, along with club offices and even an Eagle Scout. To say the least, he is the "golden boy" around school and in my home with compliments all around. Yesterday, he found that he made 1 point shy of an A in a college (dual) course (where only 1 student made an A), and needless to say, this young man was near tears as was I. He was in all aspects likely to be ranked #1 in his class. Because of the way scoring is set up in our school system, grades are not weighted. Therefore his slip in a grade will cause his rank to fall behind every student that makes a 4.0 no matter how easy the class is, or if they are just a office helper. </p>
<p>He has already been accepted to two colleges but no scholarships has appeared yet. He (and his parents) really wonder how much this one point has changed everything. Yes the chance valedictorian is gone, but what will the colleges think of his ranking? Will his merits be considered if he is ranked at #20? We make enough money to help him with college but have not prepared to do so. </p>
<p>Can anyone tell me how this will affect him if the rest of his scores are 4.0 from this point?</p>
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<p>Yesterday, he found that he made 1 point shy of an A in a college (dual) course (where only 1 student made an A), and needless to say, this young man was near tears as was I.>></p>
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<p>Please tell me you are not serious about this. You are fretting about a grade that was ONE point below an A for a course that also carries college credit? Please...you should not be crying about this, and neither should this student. It's ONE grade...not the end of his high school successes. </p>
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<p>He (and his parents) really wonder how much this one point has changed everything. Yes the chance valedictorian is gone, but what will the colleges think of his ranking? Will his merits be considered if he is ranked at #20?>></p>
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<p>Look...his college application profile has not changed very much. It's ONE POINT drop in a grade. He already has two acceptances. His overall GPA is still going to be fine. His SAT scores (or ACT) will not change, his recommendations will not change, his essays will not change...and the college isn't going to look at ONE B as a "significant drop" in grades or a downward trend.</p>
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<p>Can anyone tell me how this will affect him if the rest of his scores are 4.0 from this point?>></p>
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<p>I hope you aren't putting this much pressure on this kid. Personally I think it is unrealistic to EXPECT a child to always get A's even IF that is what they have already done. ONE B isn't going to ruin a student's life.</p>
<p>I think you need to relax a bit. Celebrate your child's successes which sound like they are plentiful and don't OVER emphasize one B.</p>
<p>Look - 35 ACT, > 4.0 GPA weighted (many colleges will apply their own weighting), Eagle scout, etc. - he'll be fine. </p>
<p>Determining the Val/Sal often comes down to hundredths of points and you're right, there's the issue of comparing a grade in a difficult class with that in an easy class. It's just the way it goes and I'm not convinced it's that important - certainly not as important as his other achievements.</p>
<p>Many schools recalculate the GPA according to their own system and toss the GPA boosting, basket weaving-type ones. You son's test scores are great and so are his ECs. Even if he is not a Val in the end, he is going to have some substantial merit money coming his way.</p>
<p>OP, your comments indicate that both you and your son place far too much emphasis on grades. Grades are not the person ... a B+ does not negate the incredible accomplishments your son has earned and will continue to earn. BUT ... he WILL get B's in life ... if not in a class, then figuratively in some area of his life he will be less than "the best." You must prepare him (and yourself) to deal with the inevitable times when he falls short of perfect.</p>
<p>I say this as the parent of a child who has struggled with a need for perfection her whole life. We have worked on this for many years. When she got her first B in high school, I knew the s*** would hit the fan, and it did. She was sure her life was ruined. She could no longer be val, she was no longer an all-A student, etc. She cried and carried on, but I refused to allow her to whine about it outside the privacy of her room. I told her that learning to deal with disappointment is one of the most important steps on the ladder of maturity. In the end (after much moping around), her life didn't change a bit. That B has never affected her negatively - but I think it DID affect her positively. She has had to deal with difficult situations as a college student, and her initial exposure to dealing with disappointment was important to her ability to handle these situations.</p>
<p>Another thought: He could have been guaranteed an A if he took the easy route. Instead, he challenged himself. THAT is what is important.</p>
<p>Judging from your other posts, you really need to relax and let up on the fixation with grades, PSAT etc. This senior of yours is a good candidate for either a serious meltdown or else going wild at college. He's halfway through senior year of high school. It's done. Relax.</p>
<p>What an amazing kid. It probably won't affect him in the slightest, as long as you don't let him have a nervous breakdown over it.</p>
<p>I understand your frustration over the unweighted grades thing; geek_son is taking the toughest courses offered at a school that doesn't weight, and his top competitor for Val is taking the easiest load possible, specifically out of a desire to have the highest GPA and therefore be Val. It doesn't seem fair. BUT don't sweat this. Your son is in a phenomenal position for admissions and merit scholarships.</p>
<p>First off, most high-level colleges make a point of valuing course rigor of GPA. The fact that your kid has challenged himself to the utmost will make him a more attractive candidate than any 4.0 kid at his school.</p>
<p>Next, valedictorian status isn't even determined until after college admissions and scholarships have long been decided. It will make no difference whatsoever.</p>
<p>Finally, your son's high school guidance counselor has to know that he's the strongest student the school has to offer, or darned close to it if not. Ask the GC for help with scholarship applications. Would she be willing to write a brief letter detailing the difference between your son's courseload and those of other students? Or would she be willing to state in writing that if the school weighted grades like other schools do, your son would easily crush the competition? Ask her to nominate your son for the Byrd scholarship; the school has good reason to choose the /best/ student over the /#1/ student for an award like that.</p>
<p>And for heaven's sake, please make it clear to him that this is not the end of the world, it does not negate all of his amazing accomplishments, and you are still proud of him to the bursting point (as surely you must be). If anything, this is a milestone for him -- he reached out far enough to find a limit. That's something to be proud of in itself. Now he can stretch those limits. Seriously, celebrate his single imperfect grade! Tell him that if he never fails, nor even falls slightly short of perfection, then he's not growing. Start with that message right now, or college could be a real cold-water shock to him.</p>
<p>Great advice all around. I'll just add that when geekmom says nervous breakdown you should take that seriously. I have known kids who have had this type of breakdown. When there is that much pressure on a kid to be the golden boy for the whole town at some point something is going to crack.
Read through some of the other parent posts where you'll see kids dealing with gaming addiction, depression, and a whole slew of other issues.<br>
Give your kid a break...today.</p>
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Yesterday, he found that he made 1 point shy of an A in a college (dual) course (where only 1 student made an A), and needless to say, this young man was near tears as was I.
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<p>Shaking my head. My S was accepted to the two top colleges he applied to without straight As. In fact, there might have been a few B+s on his transcript. But one thing I DID tell him throughout his school career was to do his best, take the most challenging courses he was comfortable taking and not to worry about grades. This attitude enabled him to take a slew of college courses and enjoy taking them for the sake of learning.
Oh, and I know some kids who've buckled under parental pressure to be the best. I say: "Back off." Instead of crying, it would be better to reassure your kid that his life is not ruined by an A-.</p>
<p>Maybe it will actually be a relief to get that "B" out of the way. I know from experience with my kids that the pressure to maintain perfect standards is unreal and in the end, not worth worrying about. In a year, once he is settled, that one point "B" will likely not matter. He will be in a whole new place with all new classes, peers etc. - use this time, to relief the pressure off of him next year when he starts college. Truly, use this as a teachable moment.</p>
<p>Guess what else? A lot of kids wind up getting Bs and even Cs and Ds in college- especially freshman year. Yep- the same kids who had all As in high school. Sometimes it is simply an adjustment process and sometimes the classes are really, really hard and a C is to be celebrated. </p>
<p>Neither of my kids came close to having all As in high school. They went to really hard schools and enjoyed (usually) their classes and there wasn't an expectation from the school or the parents that every class would yield an A. They both have been academically successful in college/grad school but, again, grades lower than A are permitted. </p>
<p>Please check back with us next year and let us know how your son is doing.</p>
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<p>OP, your comments indicate that both you and your son place far too much emphasis on grades.<<</p>
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<p>We always told our kids that the important thing is to do your best and then be happy with the grade given. After all, if you've done your best, you really couldn't have done any more. </p>
<p>In high school, doing their best resulted in top grades. Then our oldest went to one of those super-selective schools for college. After seeing her first year grades, we gulped and said, "Now you did your best, right?" "Yup!" She was satisfied so I guess we did our job well.</p>
<p>I guess I'm saying that grades in college may be a lot harder to achieve, so now is a good time to get perspective on the whole issue.</p>
<p>One of the reasons I love college confidential is that it has given me a real world education on how admissions work. Things I did not know before starting to read here; </p>
<p>-colleges recalculate GPA to their own standards</p>
<p>-Many of the top ranked colleges, including all ivies, offer no merit aid</p>
<p>-There is no one thing that is a guarentee of admission to a college. Not a perfect SAT, not class rank and so on.</p>
<p>-Equally important is that very rarely will one thing that will knock a student out of the running. This is why their are admission officers and not computers.</p>
<p>The way you've framed the admission process for your child is simply not how it works. There is already far too much pressure for on high achieving students, most of all from themselves. You are correct that this is a stressful time but you are making it much more so. Make home a place where the stress can be set aside. You'll all be so much happier and it will in no way hinder your child's college search.</p>
<p>Could it make a difference in some things? Yes, it could. For most things, no. The fact of the matter is that there isn't anything you can do about it anyway. The important thing about all of this is how your son is reacting. If this can make him "lose it", it can be a problem.</p>
<p>When I was at the graduate school, there was one student who killed the professor and himself. He got less than an A the first time in his life. It made it to national news at the time... My daughter could get the first B in her school career. We talked about it yesterday. I told her not to worry. It's not the end of the world. Her little world won't change much after this. Heck, I got tons of B myself but ended up in one of the best grad programs in the country. And I don't even speak English as a second language! Don't freak out, your son will be ok.</p>
<p>Having this disappointment may be a blessing in disguise. It is a valuable life lesson to learn that life goes on after a fall from perfection. It is a valuable life lesson to learn that students who rank #20 can have fulfilling lives and successful college careers, perhaps even more so than those ranked #1-5.</p>
<p>If the family is able but not prepared to pay full college tuition, there is still plenty of time for him to apply to schools where his profile will put him at the top of the heap and earn merit $.</p>
<p>RELAX- BOTH OF YOU! College recalculate GPA to take into account the DIFFICULTY of the classes taken, so there is no way a kid with a better GPA because he took "fluff" classes is going to "rank higher" than your son in an admissions officers eyes. Nearly half the high schools refuse to rank their seniors, so colleges use other ways to evaluate the relative strength of student transcripts.</p>
<p>Thank you for the personal message. I think all of the news of having a B was so fresh that it was a shock to his system after having A's for most of his school career. In this little town the news probably will spread fast because the kids all ask what each other made and there will be some parents and kids shocked when they see my son's name on the A/B honor roll for the first time in years. Some parents may even smile; I've been told on more than one occassion that "if it wasn't for J, our kids would have a chance". I really haven't been sure how to take that. </p>
<p>My son does have a passion for learning. He has increased his ACT every year and I think at the beginning of high school hadn't really thought of being valedictorian. The teachers haver been amazed at how smart he is and how much he likes to learn and I think they have started prematurely naming him valedictorian and he has had his hopes build from that. There is no doubt he likes to be the best and he has friendly competition in classes. He loves to learn and has never taken the easy road. He takes the hardest classes available just because he wants to be challenged in his education. He has told me that this English class had finally been a challenge for him but he really liked the professor.
The professor replied to an email to tell him why his grade was a 92 instead of a 93 A and told my son that he was far brighter and more talented than the professor at this age and he has a very bright future ahead. That seemed to ease the hurt a little but val was something he had set his sights on and it was a wake up call when this grade slipped. The professor did tell him where he had slipped and it was something that he accepted and will deal with. </p>
<p>My son will do fine, I know. I was disappointed FOR him, not in him. He has many things going for him. He has been accepted into a college that "super-scores" the ACT which means they give him the best grade that he has made on every subject. That puts him at 36's in every subject other than his 32 in Math. This experience has not swayed him from wanting to take an Honors class in college even though many parents of kids that have tried it have warned him against it. He however says "I don't want to go to college just to go to college...I want to be challenged to learn". He may make changes after he sees how different things are. My oldest son had be an all A student but took an easy road in Senior year and never had the drive that my last one does. When he got to college, it overwhelmed him and he folded after the first year when he flunked his second semester. </p>
<p>As for me....I guess some are right. My first inclination was not to belittle my son, but how I had become caught up in all the hype that he would be giving the speech on graduation day. I was thinking how the whisper around school would be that he is no longer #1. After reading the messages, I realize that this is real life and we will survive it. A friend of his called today and said he had told her of the B, and the unweighted ranking was crazy because "everyone knew" that he was the smartest kid in Senior Class. But then with a few simple words she gave me a reality check...."so I was wondering if he's not grounded if he could go bowling tonight"....It caught me off guard and I was wondering if I appeared to be THAT type of mom. I told her "He's not grounded....not in the least...and I'm not upset with him". In fact he's at the bowling alley right now.</p>
<p>I appreciate your reply. We're back on track and all is well.</p>