In need of some guidance...

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hi, so I'm not really sure where to start this off. I'm currently a freshman at the University of Illinois in Urbana Champaign studying journalism. I'm happy here, but I'm not happy here... if that makes any sense? I'll give you some background information and share my history with you. But I really just want some help and advice on what I should do now.</p>

<p>All throughout high school, I faced depression, but I never received any help. It never got to the point where I tried to kill myself, but that was definitely on my mind a lot. Because of this, and some other problems with myself, I really wanted to take a gap year, that way I could better myself and receive help, but my mom said no. Her and her family immigrated from Cuba, so to her education is everything. Even the mention of taking a break would infuriate her. Also, she knew U of I wasn't my first choice; I preferred (and still prefer) UIC because I felt more comfortable in a city environment.</p>

<p>Anyways, so I ended up choosing U of I through pressure. Not only was it a better school, but I'm basically going here for free. I moved in early, so I was alone for two days and felt lonely. Once the other students got here, it got better. I've made a solid group of friends, and I really do love spending time with them! But the thing is, my depression's been acting up even more since I've been here. I'm in a relationship back home, and long distance sucks. Not only that, but add in my depression, and the fact that there's NOTHING to do here. I'm a city person, and I feel so isolated in Champaign! I've tried to get into drinking, but I really don't like it. For the first time, I've actually planned out a way to kill myself (although it fluctuates, like right now I'm not actively suicidal). Last week I went to the counseling center for the first time and have gone back since; I'm scheduled to take a psych eval to be considered for anti-depressants in about 2 weeks. </p>

<p>This weekend I'm going home and I'm just so sick of feeling this way all of the time that I've decided to tell my mom about it (she doesn't know about my depression, but she knows I hate it here...). I've come up with some options for myself. Although I live close to a very good community college, that isn't an option (my sister transferred from her school to the comm college, and she views her as a screw-up). My options are: </p>

<ol>
<li>Transfer to UIC as a spring transfer. But the apps due Oct. 15th. I have finished it all except for the essay, but I'm not sure I have enough creds. I'd need 36, and I have 33, but if I include my ACT Enligh/Reading, which exempted me from a 3-4 hr cred class, I'd have enough. Also, I wouldn't have college grades to send. If this did work out, I'd probably have to commute for the first semester.<em>I did call the admissions office earlier today, but a counselor was not in</em></li>
<li>I could stick the year out here and transfer to UIC. This would give me more time to apply, and I might even end up liking the school. But also I want to switch my major to accounting. I don't have the necessary classes, so I'd have to take them all next semester in order to have a chance at transferring, or not get in at all (we only have one chance to transfer to business). </li>
<li>Defer for a semester, go back home, receive help and come back for next year.</li>
</ol>

<p>Are any of these options viable? I really am so confused and don't know whether I'm just making a big deal out of nothing or what. I'm so sorry this is a long post, but thank you for any help :).</p>

2

<p>Please visit your counseling center today and tell them exactly how you’ve been feeling. Tell them that it is an emergency – it is. It is ok to miss class — just go.</p>

<p>You’re not making a big deal out of nothing.</p>

3

<p>go to counseling center right now. drop what you are doing and go there right now. this is an emergency.</p>

4

<p>If you feel suicidal again, bypass the counseling center – go to the emergency room or call 911.</p>

5

<p>Tell your counselor just what you told us. They speed up appointments for people with suicidal thoughts. Please let them know how serious this is. </p>

<p>Depression IS TREATABLE. Don’t think that you have to be this way forever. Medications can help a lot, but stick with them because they take awhile to have an effect. Work very closely with your therapist and doctor. </p>

<p>Keep us posted, okay?</p>

6

<p>Agree with all of the above, but also caution you against making any big decisions until your depression is treated. You aren’t in any shape to exercise your best judgment right now, and it may even turn out that a semester off to pull things together is the best answer. It’s time to discuss your depression with your parents–I would be devastated to learn my kid was suffering in this way without my knowledge! Your counselor may be able to help you figure out the best way to approach the subject with them.</p>

7

<p>Good for you for going to counseling; now go right back. Tell them how you are feeling; if you can’t tell them, just show us what you wrote here. There is help ahead, and you WILL feel better. All best to you and keep in touch.</p>

8

<p>Thank you, everyone! I will go back soon, but right now I’m actually feeling pretty good. But what exactly should I do? Just stick it out here for the year? That’s where I’m lost…</p>

9

<p>Also, the counselors know that I’m suicidal (or that I’ve at least planned it out). I’m going to a group therapy thing once a week.</p>

10

<p>It looks like you are doing everything that you should be doing to take care of yourself. Your options are all viable and you have thought it out well. No one here can really tell you what to do. All of those options are workable, you will be just fine. But you are new at school and things will change. No one stays new. Though I worry about your tolerance to get through transitional periods since you even mention being lonely for 2 days as an issue. I’m not sure taking the semester off is the best option. You won’t be doing anything and that isn’t good for depression. It’s not clear how understanding or supportive your mother will be. And it doesn’t sound like she will be supportive of the semester off. It sounds like you should stick with the help you are starting to get at college and try to make that work for you for this year, rather than go through another transition so soon. (I hope you are one of the people that just clicks with their meds.) It seems you will be in a stronger position to transfer should you want to do that still. But you can make it work there by focusing on your college community. You can do internships in the city later. </p>

<p>It’s great that you are in group therapy right away. You should be really proud of yourself that you are talking such active steps now. Just keep going through the motions, fake it till you make it and all. Also do exercise, minimum a good brisk walk everyday. It may sound so stupid, like what? when I am having all these problems! but it is shown to help mood for people with depression so you take every little advantage you can.</p>