<p>It's very interesting for me to be on this board now, particularly because of the level of parental involvement that I see. Perhaps this is due to the independent air that I've pretty much always presented, but my parents are not at all involved in my college search. Albeit, they absolutely do care about me and where I end up, they are just clueless. </p>
<p>I inform them when I'm taking standardized tests, and just hope they will front the bill every now and then. We happened to be traveling to this east coast this summer, and I pretty much made them promise to take me to visit a few schools. I know for sure that they would probably prefer me going to a school with merit-aid so they don't have to pay anything for my college education rather than me going to the school of my choice with the proper programs for what I intend to study. </p>
<p>I guess I just wanted to share my experience and inquire about whether anyone else out there has a similar story.</p>
<p>My parents are the same as they only want to do two things: sign on the dotted line and pay the bills. It's okay with me as that leaves me with control over everything else and I've gotten to the point where it doesn't bother me that they don't ask about anything. They do care and they do want me to do well, but I basically have to do everything myself if I want it to get done. I don't blame them as they're recent immigrants and are clueless about the college admissions process (my dad barely got to the third grade and my mom had two years of high school and a year of community college). </p>
<p>I guess it just depends on how you were raised. I've been filling out my own school forms, picking my classes, etc. since I was in elementary school and my parents just showed up to volunteer or signed papers when I asked them to. I really like having this freedom but I do understand how this would be academic suicide for some others.</p>
<p>Well, if your parents are cluless, you may have to work extra hard to bring them in process. One thing is for sure, have a very frank discussion about finances. How much each of the option you are considering will cost them. Since they prefer that you go to school with merit aid, they would not be very much thrilled to pay X thousand dollars for the school you would like to go. You still have time. Have the discussions in non-confrontal, mature adult way. and good luck.</p>
<p>I agree with Simba. Most parents would prefer not to have to pay upward of $200k if that can be avoided. And many, if not most, parents, cannot affor to pay upward of $200k. You need to have a discussion with your parents right now as to how much they can afford/are willing to pay for your higher education. Don't wait until you've gotten in ED to your $45k per year dream school only to be told by your parents that they cannot afford it, or are not willing to pay for it. </p>
<p>As Simba suggests, have this discussion in a non-confrontational way. You and your parents will be the happier for it and all of you will have a better sense of where to apply.</p>
<p>When you have the discussion make sure you let them know what merit money is and the amounts of subsidized loans that are available to you. I think many parents are afraid and worried about the cost of college. Make an effort to inform or to be available for facts to present.</p>
<p>I knew several families of my son's friends who fit that description. Here's how it went: The kids competently applied to several schools. (With help from guidance office.) All three included one or more state univeristies. Two of them got very nice merit scholarships at good schools. The other one got a full ride at a school on the west coast. All three ended up at state U. The parents either were unwilling to pick up the balance (still more that state U) or they never intended to help their kid go that far away. </p>
<p>Too often clueless parents are not as clueless as you think - they are thinking you'll go to the state U.</p>
<p>A wise student will present the total out of pocket costs and look at the loan options available to the student. I agree don't count on an uninvolved parentage contributing.</p>
<p>It is obvious both you Why ignore ants and theothermuse are very independent, mature and blessed individuals. I know that it may be discouraging at times to not have parental involvement to the degree that you would like but maybe there is someone else, maybe a mentor, guidance counselor or another friends parent that can offer direction and or counsel when needed. Also, don't neglect to tell your parents of your need to have more involvement from them. I agree it is important to discuss with them how much of your education they intend to finance and if you decide to go to a more expensive college just be prepared to be responsible for the difference.</p>
<p>I am convinced that this will only strengthen both of you. Just don't give up. I admire you both, if only more of our youth were so determined in their endeavors.</p>
<p>My parents are the same way, except that they'll only foot the bill until I get accepted, then I have to finance it myself, I even have to go to my grandparents if I need someone to cosign on a loan. What's more, they want me to apply to schools like Dartmouth and Brown. Granted, neither of them even graduated high school so it's not really their area of expertise. I do fill them in on my college search though, and they appreciate knowing what schools I am applying too, although they start rolling their eyes if I start going into unnecessary detail.</p>
<p>I honestly don't think I would have it any other way. I couldn't imagine having parents like most of the ones on cc, if only because I have always preferred to get everything done myself, and if my parents started taking a more active role I would definitely be opposing them and going the other way at every turn. I also know that my parents could never afford to pay for my college, and would much rather they save their money so that my sister can go to whatever school she wants in three years. Even if my parents offered to pay, I don't think I could ever accept that kind of money from them.</p>
<p>Just be grateful for the amount of independence that you have been taught so early on in life. In the end, independence, work habits and the ability to get things done, will be more important to success than the prestige of your alma mater.</p>
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Even if my parents offered to pay, I don't think I could ever accept that kind of money from them.
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<p>If your parents want you to apply to Dartmouth and Brown, they will have to pay if they are deemed capable of providing some of the funds for your education. There's no way either, which are need-blind and do not give merit scholarships, will give you financial aid just for the asking. I don't know how banks view students taking out loans for up to $200k even with grandparents as cosigners. It's something you need to look into now, before you apply to places like Dartmouth or Brown or even UMass which is $15k per year.</p>
<p>A recent conversation with my mom about applying to college:
Her: Which is the easiest Ivy to get into?
Me: Well, in terms of acceptance rate it'd be Cornell, but...
Her: Apply there, then.</p>
<p>Both my parents are European immigrants who know nothing about the American system beyond what I've told them (most of which I've learned from the parents on this board). Their only requirement is that I get into a "good enough" school that they'd consider paying for the part that isn't covered by financial aid. It's not "Ivy-or-else" (for example, they've conceded that Middlebury is fine), but it's a similar idea. Otherwise all they have to do is send me back to Europe, which they'd be perfectly happy to do, nevermind that I'd be perfectly *un*happy to go there. Sometimes I almost think that they'd be happier to see me fail. It'd be cheaper for them, anyway.</p>
<p>I'm actually relieved that they're not more invested in the process. My family is dysfunctional enough that their involvement would most likely make the process more stressful, not less.</p>
<p>i guess my story is kinda similar.. except that i'm an international student. so my parents didn't know a thing about the american system and pretty much left me all to it... they didn't really care where i went as long as they could afford it and i was happy with my choice.. which i am so i guess it all worked out great :)</p>
<p>Marite: I realize that places such as Dartmouth and Brown are financial impossibilities, my parents just want me to apply there.</p>
<p>At UMass - Due to MCAS scores, I receive the John and Abigail Adams scholarship which provides full tuition.</p>
<p>I am also applying to Suffolk where I can qualify for a full scholarship as long as I gain acceptance to the honors program, which my stats qualify me for.</p>
<p>In addition I am going to apply to both BU and Rhodes, both of which provide full or near full scholarships for Latin, that I hope to possibly earn. In addition these schools provide numerous scholarships that I plan to apply for.</p>
<p>My school has many smaller scholarships that I will apply for. For instance, I know I will receive a $5,000 scholarship for Key Club. My efc is also only approx. $2,000 a year at most, so under no circumstances do I intend to need to take out loans of up to $200k</p>
<p>This might be the worst possible place to post this comment, but it is my firm belief that every parent spending an hour on college confidential needs to spend that hour with their kid instead.</p>
<p>There are too many parents who consider it their primary duty to make sure their kid gets to a good college. Their primary duty is to make sure that their kids are good people. </p>
<p>Raise them.</p>
<p>I know plenty of parents who spend more time talking to their spouses about scholarships than to their kids about healthy life choices. These same kids are getting straight A's in school and binge drinking on the weekends, smoking the parking lot, or having sex in the back seat of the marching band bus.</p>
<p>Your kid doesn't do that?</p>
<p>How would you know if you're on college confidential instead of in the real world?</p>
<p>I know plenty of parents who spend more time talking to their spouses about scholarships than to their kids about healthy life choices. These same kids are getting straight A's in school and binge drinking on the weekends, smoking the parking lot, or having sex in the back seat of the marching band bus.</p>
<p>I understand your concern
My daughter isn't acutally getting straight As although she does work very hard in school.
I would doubt that many are able to get a 4.00 if they are binge drinking on th eweekend, unless their school has a lot of grade inflation.
And aren't there parents on teh back of the marching band bus?
My daughters school, parents are very involved with field trips, with sports and music performances, they are not oblivious to the concerns and behavior of teens.
I have a 16 year old who I spend quite a bit of time with, today we watched the World cup together, although right now, she is 4 houses up the street where she is taking care of some pets for some neighbors while they are out of town.
She also likes her space- very much- some people need space and alone time more than others- and I happen to believe it is OK to let them be & to not make them feel like there is something wrong with them because they don't want to have deep discussions with their parents or spend more than a few hours every day with them.
It sounds like perhaps you are projecting a bit, but not every situation is like your own.</p>
<p>Dartmouth and Brown need not be financial impossibilities if your family qualifies for aid and your parents are willing to contribute their share. But they will need to fill out the FAFSA forms; since they wish you to apply there, maybe they will. But it's good to know that you have some excellent financial safeties already.</p>
<p>It's okay if parents are inactive but my personal experience is these types turn out to be very inflexible with cost in the long run. No interest until they see the cost. Good luck!</p>
<p>My parents are the same way in their inactiveness. My older brother didn't do too well in HS, didn't care too much about college (although now he does), and therefore my parents really didn't have to deal with the entire admissions scene. For classes, I've always decided what I'm taking. For standardized testing, I always decide when and where. Clubs, the college search, and so on.. all on me. My mom couldn't tell you what my schedule is next year, and my dad couldn't tell you the name of the club I've been involved with for the past three years. </p>
<p>I don't plan on gouging their eyes out with fin. cost. Although I could.</p>
<p>I've filled in my parents about where I plan to go, what I plan to do, etc. They're supportive (although I definitely know that my mom really really really wants me to go to UC Davis, the closest good school) and they've helped me when I've specifically asked them to. So far, the only thing they're assisting me with is the financial aid stuff. They have given me a hefty mutual fund already so I couldn't ask for assistance and won't do so. My first choice is Smith and I'm going to try to make that work out on my own but if if doesn't, UCSB or UCSD are reasonable for me. With the amount that they've given me, I could graduate from both schools with only a tiny amount of loans.</p>
<p>I truly am thankful that I've been given this independent. My boss at work has commented on it and I do think it'll carry me far. I have a great work ethic and have to thank my parents a lot for it. Most of the people I know (my age) rely on mommy and daddy for everything and at this point, the only thing my parents provide are food, a car, and huge fees for school. I financially pick up everything else.</p>
<p>I'm not sure how accurately a parent's level of involvement, or inactivity, can be inferred from a parent's presence on the CC Parents Forum. It's obvious that many regular posters were led by their children through the process and provided only as much support or input as the kid wanted or needed. One of the most common themes on this board is how to respect a student's desires when they may run counter to a parent's experience or opinion. </p>
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This might be the worst possible place to post this comment, but it is my firm belief that every parent spending an hour on college confidential needs to spend that hour with their kid instead ..... Raise them.
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<p>Mr. Pink - exactly how much time are we talking about here? Are you saying that parents should give up a bit of online time to communicate with their children instead (good idea)? Or are parents somehow failing to "raise" their children when they seek information online about an issue that will have a major emotional impact on said children, and a major financial impact on the rest of the family? On this board there are many parents whose posts number into the thousands. How many high schoolers do you know who would like to spend that much time with their parents?</p>
<p>I'm a great believer in giving kids quantities of quality time, when they need it or want it. By the time a kid is looking at colleges, much of the child raising has been done, and the kid usually wants some space to see what independence is about. </p>
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How would you know if you're on college confidential instead of in the real world?
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What's CC got to do with it? Kids have been sneaking around forever to drink and have sex (some of 'em, anyway) - haven't you ever seen "Rebel Without a Cause," made before this 50-something mom was even born?</p>