<p>While it is probably too late to change travel plans, you mom should have planned these “meetings” with the locals for the day before move in. She probably wants you to have reconnected, or connected for the first time, with these people in case you have to call them in an emergency. </p>
<p>Having someone local is a big help and if they are total strangers to you, you will not be as comfortable calling on them. It will ease Mom’s mind knowing there is someone right there in an emergency who can jump in if necessary. </p>
<p>I realize that you can’t really picture this scenario right now, but believe me things happen. </p>
<p>Mom should have consulted with you with regards to the schedule etc. and if she had you all could have planned better. Now, I would just say that you hope with the way things are planned for you with the school, that the times she planned for these meals work out. If they actually do, it will be to your advantage, if they don’t your Mom will be able to see that once you are there and she should understand. You have then eased her into the idea that things might not work out, but left it open that if they do you would be glad to attend the lunches/dinners.</p>
<p>And having an extra pair of hands during move in might actually be a big help too. Keep your options and your mind open. This will be good practice for all of the compromises and adjustments you will have to be making over the next year.</p>
<p>Thumper1- Didn’t your kid get very sick and had to go to a hospital? I am sure having a friend nearby when you were far away was a great comfort.</p>
<p>It’s just the timing of getting together with the relatives/friends that’s the problem. Maybe her school will be like yours, oldfort, and move-in day won’t be as hectic as it is at our school. Parents weekend might be another possibility.</p>
<p>Yes…as Oldfort mentioned…our daughter had to have emergency surgery on very little notice. We were 3000 miles away. The first call we made was to this friend…and DD listed her on the privacy forms at the hospital. Thank goodness the friend was there. Luckily, we had relative who was able to spring herself from work and spend the WEEK with DD n the hospital. BUT if this hadn’t happened, the previously stranger friend was ready to camp out there for us. </p>
<p>Stuff happens. We told our kids that they were required to go to a college either within a 3 hour drive from our house OR within a short drive of a friend or relative. Having this friend one town over really made our family feel better about having a kid 3000 miles away…and our daughter understood that. And like I said…DD made a fabulous friend in the process.</p>
<p>Each school is different with their scheduling, but I could imagine that the mother may not be making another trip out over parents weekend if they live 2000 miles away. Yes, pre-moving get together would have made a lot more sense, but not every parent is a good planner, but nevertheless the intention is the same.</p>
<p>Also in the equation…when were the RELATIVES available. When we went cross country…any time prior to the move in was a weekday…as where after was the weekend.</p>
<p>How would it be if she didn’t introduce her kid, then the kid needs something…</p>
<p>I just think it’s one thing for a parent to arrange for a support network (which, IMO, a parent can do without the kid,) introduce her daughter, and then expect her to have some friendly, respectful contact (especially with family- a call once in a while or even an occasional meal with them during the semester.) And, quite another thing for Mom to fill daughter’s dance card with extra folks in the dorm, lunches and dinners planned, during freshman move-in, with no discussion.
Agree, the night before is perfect. If it were me, and it had to be on move-in day, I’d simply ask my D to have a half hour with some of these contacts, get to know them a little. I’d go off with the friend/relative for a coffee on campus and check back later. I would expect my D to be responsive, if family reached out during the semester- eg, dinner invitations or if they offered some time together. </p>
<p>My daughters never unpack before we leave. We let that be their choice. They didn’t want/need us to be involved with that. They do like the WalMart runs. At parents’ weekend, we had my old roomie come visit, to get to know D1 and solidify her offer as a back-up, in case of an emergency. Likewise, I offered to be another friend’s kid’s emergency back-up, without having met the kid.</p>
<p>I am not saying ditch the family- am sayng respect the kid’s needs, too.</p>
<p>Meet the clan for ice cream AFTER you drop your “stuff” off in the dorm. This can be part of your “Walmart/Target/BBB” run. Have a nice short social time and exchange phone numbers.</p>
<p>If your mom wants you to arrange this…then find a place…and ask them all to meet you there. As the parent…this would be a compromise I would go along with.</p>
<p>Then <em>I</em> the parent might still have dinner with the family as previously arranged.</p>
<p>I do not think it necessary or needed to have your relatives helping you IN your dorm room…just not needed. Those rooms are small. BUT talk to your mom about a time to meet these SAME relatives for a short social…ice cream or smoothies would be just right.</p>
<p>Sort out what the orientation/move in schedule is and see which, if any lunches/dinners will fit with it. There probably wont’ be room for anyone but you and your mom at the dorm room, although sometimes extra hands can help with hauling from car to room - depends a lot on the campus. (At Emerson in downtown Boston, extra hands would just be in the way, at a big state U, they’d be great.)
Let your mom know that maybe you will end up not able to make all the meals, but that she could still catch up with friends/relatives, and you could contact them later.
I’m one of those ‘long distance aunts’ - I’m figuring I and my husband will offer crash space (mostly for the parent(s), and help getting to and from stores. We may take the parents out for a meal after they’ve detached, we will probably take the kid out later in the week.</p>
<p>Some of the decision could depends on whether dorm meals have started. It would be good to take advantage of any initial bonding opportunities. As for move-in, I think DH was there less than 45 min last year (we’d all learned a lot about campus at the 2-day July orientation).
Let’s face it… not all parents plans things well (even when well intentioned). The same can be said for students - remember fall college app season?. But my thought is that it is good to try to bend toward needs of the family member struggling the most. Based on my memories of last year, that may very well be the mom. </p>
<p>In a few days, the Op will start a year of happy independence. Best of luck!</p>