Indian parents, dating...and your experinces with them

College Confidential Community
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<p>okay, i've suffered the effects of this phenomenon and was interested in other's stories and experiences with them. so for me...my parents themselves are pretty cool about it-they are obviously not thrilled but they dont really make a big deal out of it. They tease me, and make fun of me...so its at a point where i know that while they don't * approve * they dont mind. </p>

<p>I however get screwed over when i date Indian boys. And being me, i have realized that while i love my white guy friends they just aren't boyfriend material for * me *. so last time i dated this guy who was a family friend-our grandmothers had grown up together and our families were pretty close. Before me dated his mom had really liked me and so i thought she'd react similarly to my mom. yeah I totally underestimated her reaction. She almost broke off their family's friendship with mine, she badmouthed me to all the other aunties, and went so far as to call one of my close friend's moms to "warn her about how corrupt these Indian girls born in America are" it was ridiculous. then she kept trying to break us up...again and again...till she threatened to take his car away at which point he broke up with me, "because he had no other choice". and though its been over a year our families have really drifted apart (i wonder why) and she still hates me with a passion. (yeah its great) </p>

<p>But I've learnt a few things from the situation the first being, Indian boys are wusses who will never stand up to their parents. Girls do it ALL the time, but guys are a totally different story... </p>

<p>Now i'm going out with another guy who is a really close friend of mine. Our families are friends (kinda) through us, again my family is fine with it...but we cant tell if his are (we'll find out when the cell phone bill comes out, i guess lol) cause i guess his mom was asking him about prom and was like, "if you wanted to go to prom with her (me) that would be fine, if you two wanted to go to two proms" and she apparantly mentioned me, he didnt bring me up. He says that if anyone cares if would be his dad not his mom, but I'm nervous that I will look bad in the Indian community if i have two different sets of parents being like, "oh she's blah blah..." but whatever its not like it really matters.</p>

<p>Its really weird for me to have parents not like me, because normally all the parents love me since other than the dating scene I've "done all the right things" in the parents opinion. </p>

<p>So that is my story...we will see how it continues to unfold, in the meantime I'm interested in other people's stories. And considering the volume of desi's here we should have stuff worth sharing...</p>

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<p>Hey interesting story. And thanks for sharing. I am not Indian (I'm Asian) and my parents are similar to the ones you described your former bfs having (though I don't think they'd take it that far, probably would just whine and complain to me). One of my best friends is Indian, and I know she could totally relate as well.</p>

<p>As far as the Indian boys being wusses, I see that in Asian boys as well. This is an overgeneralization, but boys seem to have the filial piety down better than girls. Girls (especially with their mothers) tend to get *****y towards one another, and I think that's just the way females behave. While guys "rebel" as well, they don't seem to have the "attitude" that girls do. Just my observation.</p>

<p>The cell phone bill... LOL, sounds like one of the stories my sister could tell when she was back in high school. Did you think about telling his parents before it comes out? Maybe they'd like to hear it from you guys perhaps?</p>

<p>Hopefully everything works out. If not, I hear interracial dating is "in" these days. JK. Good luck.</p>

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<p>LOL have you seen the movie "ABCD - American Born Confused Desi" ? That's just the situation you are in.</p>

<p>With indian parents, no matter how liberal, this attitude is a "part of the package". Don't give up - fight for it and hey it's only a few months till you become 18, and can use that as an argument as well! :p</p>

<p>Don't worry a lot about not being seen as a squeeky clean "Hindustani Ladki" in the eyes of the grown ups. They'll never understand us. So just forget it, just like you dont care what certain people say about you behind your back (!).</p>

<p>Oh and as a guy myself, I can tell you why guys can't rebel - they gotta live with their parents all life long and have a lot of stuff to worry about (supporting em and all) so they typically have stronger ties. Plus, half of the guys will be like "oh what the heck, I'll just let this chick go and get someone else, one who doesn't have all these problems with her P's"</p>

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<p>This thread reminds me of an Indy movie..Bride & Prejudice. Have any of you seen it? I didn't get to see the end cuz it was so darn long, but it's a story you kinda describe. Only the Indy girl is going for an English man.</p>

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<p>damn...vaish88 - i feel for you sister, i feel for you...
word of advice...wait for another year and try to get into a college that is as far as possible from your folks and visit them once a year during xmas. if they wont let you go, get financial aid package (work ur butt off on apps, sats, etc.) and live life king size.</p>

<p>the irony of the whole 'indian parents' thing is that indian parents in india (bbay, guj. etc.) are more liberal than indian parents in the US or the UK.
unfortunately, i dont have any spicy stories...coz my folks too cool (n yeah, me from india) and are pretty open to me dating whoever i'd like (although, it'd be a fair thing to say tht - they would have done their 'homework' and if anything fishy comes through, they'd let their poor, simple, straightforward child know :p)</p>

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<p>
[quote]
nd are pretty open to me dating whoever i'd like

[/quote]

You're a guy yaar, how could they possibly be too bothered?</p>

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<p>well i do have cousins, who are girls and my uncle-aunt are pretty open minded about them dating as well. infact, one of my cousin (she is 23) smokes (and not only cigs.) in front of my uncle in india :eek: i m just glad that i am not too close to them, or else i'd feel bad about it...</p>

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<p>Intereseting thread. I am an Indian parent, and would like to know....I don't know how we would react if our S was 'dating' any GIRL. He has female friends, but that's it.</p>

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<p>Simba - why do you feel that you would 'react' (postively or negatively) if your son was dating any girl?
I see that you are located in TX and I would presume (maybe wrongly so) that you really dont expect your son to have an arranged marriage. Having said that, dont you think that by getting involved in the dating scene, you son has higher probability to find some1 that he is really comfortable with and have mutual love and admiration for? Also, if there is some1 that you like for your son, you could possibly introduce her to your son and see if they hit it off...many times, it might turn out the best of both worlds.
Infact, i have friends from TX (dont live there anymore) who were introduced to each other by their Malyalee parents and dated for 2 years before they got married. They are expecting their first child in May...</p>

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<p>hmm...i had never thought about Indian parents crusing on cc. weird anyhoo.</p>

<p>mallory pike, his parents know but they don't know the extent of the relationship i guess. its more a situation of how they (and my parents too) will react when they find out how much we talk-luckily we both have sprint and yay for unlimited pcs to pcs minutes. </p>

<p>I guess with the filial thing, I think its more that girls are willing to fight it out with their parents, while boys are more likely to go behind their parents backs. Its frustrating since my parents are fine with dating, its the boy's parents who aren't...so i get screwed over. but the worst thing is as adides said we are stuck in a weird time warp here in the US. We have to follow some rules from India as it was 20 years ago, and now our parents are behind people in India but wont believe that India has changed.

[quote]

[quote]

nd are pretty open to me dating whoever i'd like

[/quote]

You're a guy yaar, how could they possibly be too bothered?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>thats what you'd think but here Indian moms are SO protective of their sons. Their daughters too, yeah, but god forbid some corrupt Indian girl seduces their innocent baby boy into "thinking" he likes her...sorry i'm still a bit bitter. they seem to think that its always the girls who chase the boys till they give in, when at least in my case-BOTH times I've been doing whatever and the boys are the ones who are interested first. </p>

<p>see as Simba said
[quote]
. I am an Indian parent, and would like to know....I don't know how we would react if our S was 'dating' any GIRL. He has female friends, but that's it.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I'm interested in hearing the reasoning from a parent. I'm obviously not saying that you would let all hell loose or anything, but if your son genuinly liked this Indian girl, and you knew her, and she was nice, smart, and everything what is the logic behind prohibiting a relationship? </p>

<p>I also can't understand why parents prohibit anything. It usually ends up in it going on behind their backs. Wouldn't a parent rather be aware and not completely approve, than be oblivious to the situation. And normally the intensity of the relationship escalates when it becomes a secret, and it ends up progressing faster...does that make sense? </p>

<p>anyways i hope that this time around i wont get screwed over like last time...</p>

<p>oh btw i'm a senior and yes i did apply far away but i dont have a problem with my parents i'm really lucky they are as cool as they are...and we have to see how serious the relationship becomes since we only applied to one of the same schools...so it might just be a "for fun" relationship. I wouldnt' ever pick a school just because he (or any other boy) was going to go there...but it makes it harder to justify the choice. who knows what will happen...</p>

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<p>" yeah, but god forbid some corrupt Indian girl seduces their innocent baby boy into "thinking" he likes her"
:D yeah...dats funny...</p>

<p>"smart everything what is the logic behind prohibiting a relationship?"
yeah, i wud like to learn that as well.</p>

<p>"but it makes it harder to justify the choice. who knows what will happen..."
everything happens for the best. we are 17-18 and we need to put our education and career before our relationships. in that pursuit, we might miss out on some1 tht we like, but in the end...i truly believe that it will all work out...everything does...</p>

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<p>adides, i'm not even kidding...when i said that whole, seducing thing...literally my ex's mom basically said that. about the college thing. For sure a lot of stuff comesbefore relationships, but when there isnt a equation to pick a college-its one thing just have to try really hard not to let it influence your choice. </p>

<p>I hope Simba replies because i cant understand the logic, i'm totally not trying to attack parents-for the record. I honestly want to know what they are thinking. </p>

<p>oh btw its even harder for me bc he (the boy) lives 35-40 mins away! yeah doesnt make it easier. lol</p>

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<p>vaish - the best way is to list your colleges in an order of preference and stick with it..dont matter where ur bf lands up...also, trust me...you really dont want to go to the same college as your bf, esp. if ur 17 and on your second fling.</p>

<p>i also hope that simba (and any other indian parents) come here and encourage a dialogue...no1 has nething to lose...</p>

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<p>well no, i promise i would NEVER pick Madison because thats where he's going. Its just that i dont know where i want to end up next year...and i dont have a list of preferences. once i know which of the 8 schools i'm waiting for want me, i'll make my list. otherwise i can always go to Madison or the U of M. </p>

<p>at least for me this isnt a "fling" though. I've always had significant time between relationships, it's almost a year since i broke up with the ex, and I've jsut started dating him in Jan. but its nice because we have been good friends for almost two years. i know his good and bad sides and for the past year we have been part of a very close group of girls and guys, we hang out almost every weekend. We jsut upped the level of our relationship, and made it a bit more special. I'm happier than i've been in a long time-seriously i'm listening to and loving Jesse McCartney what does that tell you about my mood lol. and I'm jsut going to see how this goes, and otherwise i know i'll still have good memories and a good friend at the end of it all so i have nothing to lose! </p>

<p>adides are you in India right now? isn't it 3ish am right now? go to bed! lol</p>

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<p>"i'm listening to and loving Jesse McCartney "
geez, it is serious.lol</p>

<p>yeah, me in india...studyin for boards exams starting on the 1st...most of us in india usually study @ night, so have friends over...cc indian thread is rockin...</p>

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<p>god, you moron go study! wait you have friends over at unearthly hrs to study? why dont i buy that you're studying? ;)</p>

<p>seriously though, i love Jesse McCartney its such girly music but its SO good. and yes, he did make me the cd...for my birthday.</p>

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<p>"and yes, he did make me the cd...for my birthday."</p>

<p>ahh the truth of why you like Jess McCartney arises. lol! :p</p>

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<p>
[quote]
"and yes, he did make me the cd...for my birthday."</p>

<p>ahh the truth of why you like Jess McCartney arises. lol!

[/quote]
</p>

<p>lol actually he made me the cd in an effort to get me to stop talking about Jesse McCartney...otherwise i was always trying to find it on the radio. :)</p>

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<p>lol! i guess it didn't work!! j/k! :)</p>

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<p>yeah not really. he gave it to me on Friday...i haven't listened to anything else since. lol yes, he's thrilled ;)</p>