<p>"It was frustrating to us that one of her scholarship applications asked her to pick a controversial topic and explain her opinion, and defend it. The suggestions listed were things like abortion, gay marriage, and a variety of other hotbed issues. She did not feel comfortable or qualified to write definitively about most things."</p>
<p>Binx, I would take this as an indication that this particular college is not the best fit for her.</p>
<p>This thread brings up the larger issue, one which concerns me deeply, that the college application process has become a sales job, and one where a student feels she must market herself to a college. The applicant is the object, and the college is the subject. </p>
<p>It reminds me of a boy on CC a year or so ago, a top student with outstanding stats, who was rejected by every college he applied to. Basically he applied to the usual HYP etc. After a year of life experience, he chose very differently the next time around, researched thoroughly, did a lot of self-reflection, chose a completely different batch of colleges, ended up with several good options, and is now happy at a well-fitting school.</p>
<p>We need to encourage our kids to think about who they are and what they are seeking in an educational experience, while taking rank and status out of the equation. I’m afraid this is harder to do with high-achieving students who are trained to please the teacher and answer the question the right way. The whole posting-your-stats phenomenon on this board feels like a meat market. </p>
<p>And with the cost of college these days, it’s more difficult to view it as a formative experience rather than as a commodity. We want bang for our buck--results, but I think such an attitude creates a stilted and stressful approach to college selection and application.</p>
<p>I want our kids to do the choosing. Not to feel they must mold themselves to someone else’s ideal. Of course, like any relationship, there’s a give and take, a seeking and finding, a choosing and being chosen. We can’t all want Brad Pitt! And if you got a date with him, wouldn’t the thrill be just to tell people you dated him? Rather than that he’s such a brilliant conversationalist or an enlightened being or the perfect partner or whatever. (I know, lame example.)</p>
<p>My point is, kids need to present their best authentic selves to the colleges which fit them best. If they do their research, lots of self-reflection, and choose well, they’re bound to end up at a school right for them, without a ton of anxiety and stress. They’ve already done the selecting. They’re the subjects more than the objects. If a kid is not ready to do this inner work, maybe they should go to community college for a year, take a gap year, work, travel, volunteer....until they’re better able to take on this responsibility.</p>