I apologize in advance if this is not quite the correct forum to post in.
Next summer will be my last opportunity to intern before I graduate. I have a few big interviews coming up. One is product design with Apple (6month co-op), and the other is Engineering for Boeing. The apple co-op would be in San Francisco Area , while the engineering internship would be in LA or Seattle areas. I have a good chance of both internships and would like to prepare for all the situations because I don’t have control over the locations for the internships.
The issue at hand is that my current girlfriend (5 months) is living in Socal over the summer and will not be moving. If I was to take the apple offer it would most likely be the end of our relationship as it would be 6 months and too far apart location wise. The seattle one would be just three months and much closer to my family for future full time offer, but would be stretch with girlfriend. Ideal case would be a Boeing offer in LA, so I am crossing my fingers for that situation. Both internships would be in very interesting departments and allow me to get into a new field (or at least out of the current field I am in).
I love this girl very much, but we are long distance and still early in our relationship, and not 100% sure if this will be a long term relationship or not. She will be graduating 2/3 of a year after me too. I want to think out my decisions before talking to her so I don’t do anything I regret.
Has anybody had this same issue before and care to throw in their thoughts and recommendations? At this age should I be focusing more on my career or on relationships? If i received both offers, but neither was in LA, which should I take?
I think you may have just answered it for yourself right there. If you are not entirely confident in your relationship, and you decide to prioritize this long distance relationship over your “last chance” at an internship, then you have to be the one to decide if it is worth it.
In the words of the great Catherine Göetze:
Also:
This is your decision (yours and hers, together). Not anyone else’s.
I realize that relationships are very valuable and it is not an easy decision to make. But I think that if it was meant to happen, that the relationship will find a way to stick it out. There are bound to be times to stretch you guys and test your relationship, given the fact that you will be graduating earlier anyway. So what I think you should do is make the best decision for you regarding your internship because honestly that sounds awesome, and it sounds like something you really want to do and will help you in your future, and discuss it with your girlfriend. Whatever happens then will happen and if it is meant to work out it will.
But I will say that I’ve been in a long-distance relationship before. My husband and I were long-distance for 6 out of the 15 years we’ve been together, including 2 of the 4 years we’ve been married.
When I was choosing grad schools in 2007-2008 and he was shipping off to the military, I’ll never forget what he told me. “You choose a graduate school based on what would be best for you and your career. We’ll make it work.” When he wanted to be a flying crew chief - meaning he would be traveling 50% of the time with the military - I did the same; I told him to follow his dream and see the world.
The point is…if your relationship is strong and you truly love each other, you can make an LDR work in the young stages of your life while you are building a career and a reputation. That will set you up for greater bliss and stability later on. Because of the educational and career choices I made that required some long-distance living, my husband and I are in a really good place right now. Not saying that the LD was fun all the time - it wasn’t! But we’re only 30 and 31 and we’ve got our entire lives to live together from here on out.
Same with you. Sounds like you are maybe 19 or 20, 21 at best. You’ve only been dating your girlfriend for 5 months. Do you want to sacrifice an excellent job opportunity for her? Internships at Boeing and Apple are the kinds that are extended job interviews, where if you do good work you can expect an offer in the fall. Do you want to jeopardize a shot at an Apple or Boeing career? Better yet - does SHE want you to? When I had a very similar situation - a job offer at Microsoft that would separate us by 2,600 miles for one year - my husband said “Well, you don’t say no to Microsoft!” He told me to go for it and don’t look back - he’d join me later. The year went by very quickly. It’s possible that your girlfriend would encourage you to take the job and that you’ll maintain your relationship long-distance. You’ll be on the same coast, and tech internships pay very well. You can catch some flight deals and fly home to see her some weekends, or she can come see you in Seattle.
Try this tactic too. If you and your girlfriend broke up at the end of the summer - let’s say August/September 2017 - where would you regret having taken the internship? Where would you not regret it?
Personally I think you should wait until you actually have offers before you start agonizing over this, but then I think you should choose what seems most interesting to you and where you think you can build the beginnings of a career.
There’s no magic answer to this, only people’s opinions. Some people focus more on their career through their entire lives. And some people focus more on their relationships very early. I have some friends my age who refuse to move out of the city they were born in because they can’t imagine living away from their parents and the friends they went to high school with. And I know some people who move around every 2-3 years or so to chase dreams of elusive, difficult careers. The answer is different for everyone, and it may change over time.
Thank you for the great advice so far, especially @juillet , I have talked to some more close people to me and the consensus seems similar. I will be talking to her soon about this so we can have clear communication about it. Of course I will consider the options when I get them, but thinking for now just going to go with the flow, and if the relationship is to be, then it will find a way even if we are apart for 3-6mo.
If there are more opinions still I’d love to here them, for my sake, or any others visiting as well!
I know many people who have enduring relationships that have had periods of separation, even relatively early in the relationship. I am one of them. After a few months’ dating, my boyfriend went overseas for 6 months, and email was then barely in its infancy and very clunky. Fast forward - we’ve been married over 20 years and our oldest kid is applying to college.
If it’s meant to be, you can survive 3-6 months apart, especially with skype, facetime, texting, etc.
If the relationship is a strong one, it will withstand a separation of several months while you gain invaluable job experience. If it doesn’t – all you’ve lost is a relationship that wasn’t very durable to begin with. And gained invaluable job experience. You can see where I’m going with this
Flights between the Bay Area and LA can be dirt cheap if you keep your eye on the non-flagship airports. Southwest flights leave Oakland and San Jose for Ontario, Anaheim, etc every 30 minutes. Focus on the job opportunities. The rest will work itself out.
Take any internships. If you spending 6 months away from each other means the end of the relationship, you may want to rethink the kind of relationship you want. If you two are serious about each other 6 months away shouldn’t be an issue. IMO
To what Otterma said, flights between Seattle and LA can be dirt cheap, too. I was looking for flights for some close-term business travel and found round-trip for around $200; when I looked a little further out just out of curiosity, some of the flights were as low as $134. If you’re willing to fly Spirit, they have some non-stop round-trip flights for $103! (But honestly, by the time you end up paying fees for bags and stuff it’s just as much as the mid-priced airlines.)
If 6months away causes your relationship to explode, then this is not a long term relationship.
As a parent, I would counsel you to do the best thing for you and your career at this point in your life.
What if you take the Apple internship and then you break up?
I’ve decided to take the Boeing internship in Seattle to secure better job prospects and be closer to family. Helped GF find an internship and she will be working in the SF Bay area. We are both excited to support eachother’s future endeavors. Looking back at my original post makes me chuckle a bit.
Would she sacrifice an internship for you? No, of course not. So don’t sacrifice for her. Girlfriends are replaceable but opportunities like that are not.
