Interracial Dating in college

College Confidential Community
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<p>I am an Chinese American male in UC Berkeley and I plan to date Caucasian girls only. In my experience, my fellow Asian American males had it tough and they simply cannot outcompete the white guys for Asian girls. Fortunately I have a better build than most of the white guys and I seem to be able to do fine. Now here is my question.</p>

<p>Is the appearent inequality in interracial dating (more AW + WM vs. the other way around) a personal problem (females choosing better build, more socially suave males) or a problem due to society at large?</p>

<p>I am interested to initiate a discussion on this situation, please do not flame.</p>

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<p>Here's a piece of advice: don't "plan" on dating one specific ethnicity only. It doesn't work that way.</p>

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<p>and dont try to overanalyze it</p>

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<p>What if a girl likes you who is not white, but since you only want to date Caucasian girls the other girl will not talk to you and you miss out on what could have been a great relationship? Just saying what Blobof had already said.</p>

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<p>Blobof is right. Why would you plan to date only one race, whether your own or another?</p>

<p>Could you expand on your personal problem/societal problem hypotheses? Your definition of a personal problem seems more inherently societal than strictly personal.</p>

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<p>Everyone else here is correct actually...</p>

<p>Why only focus on one race? By random statistic, you're bound to meet many more awesome Asian girls (UCB is what... 45% Asian?!)...</p>

<p>But anyway, to answer your (the OP's) question... I think it's the former...</p>

<p>In HS... maybe some girls like some brains and want to go after the stereotypical Asian guys... but in an awesome school like UCB... everyone has an assurance that the students there have at least a functional brain, so then what? You look for other thigns... social suave, physical attributes, charm, personality etc. etc.</p>

<p>Funny thing though.... I'm a Chinese-American... and a FOB :P ... and I've only dated Caucasian girls...</p>

<p>then again, maybe the extreme lack of Asian girls in my HS (2% Asian... 2.7% Asian in my county's public school system... wow) and the fact that most the Asian girls in my school are either slutty, extremely dumb, too cocky and haughty, or any combination thereof hasn't helped either...</p>

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<p>Oh.... also, the media portrayal of Asian Men sure doesn't help...</p>

<p>We're either dorky geeky nerdy clumsy short, physically weak, shy, short and wimpy intellectuals... or we're kung fu masters who can dodge bullets and take on a group of some of the best MMA Fighters in a cage match all at once and win (Jet Li... Cradle 2 the Grave!!!)</p>

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<p>
[quote]
we're kung fu masters who can dodge bullets and take on a group of some of the best MMA Fighters in a cage match all at once and win (Jet Li... Cradle 2 the Grave!!!)

[/quote]

hahahahahah</p>

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<p>Oh god, not another one of these embarrassing threads. </p>

<p>Listen, what's with this "whites only" attitude? You probably harbour the typical Asian attitude that looks down upon blacks and Mexicans, yet become indignant when you encounter the same kind of discrimination from whites. You seem to expect people of other persuasions (namely whites) to cross boundaries, yet you don't do the same for others. </p>

<p>But to add to this discussion... What's the cause? From my experience? Asian guys bring it upon themselves. Yeah, you can blame the media, but perhaps the powers behind the media would change if every Asian didn't become a goddamn computer engineer, engineer, or dentist. Or maybe fobbish parents could realize that in America, grades aren't everything and that not getting A+ in Calculus is NOT a betrayal of one's Asian heritage.</p>

<p>I live in a very multicultural area, and here, if an Asian guy wants to go interracial, it's quite easy for him. He just has to hook up with some white friends and he will thus meet white girls. All the whiners and complainers I've met hang out in their own comfortable fob circles and speak of some cultural bias against them, when it's really their lack of initiative and guts. It just really ****es me off when these guys become self-haters and resign the entire Asian peoples as being second-rate, because they're not only hurting themselves, but also others. Hey, if you guys want to be losers on your own, go ahead, but don't drag me and others down with you.</p>

<p>So really, I have very little sympathy or patience for whiners, except in cases of outright racism.</p>

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<p>I think you are being incredibly closeminded.</p>

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<p>You are a shame...and should have not even been allowed to set foot in America because you can't tolerate plurality of culture and you also have no desire to cross your own barrier and meet others.</p>

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<p>First, I am a fob too, but I have something that sets me apart from other fobs. I extremely dislike my Asian root (and it was a deep one, for my grandfather, a professor in Ancient Chinese literature, taught me all about it). After frustrating experiences with Asian girls, fob or non-fob. I have decided to move on.</p>

<p>I am now situated in a particular environment within berkeley that's over 95% Caucasian. Call me close minded if you want. But I am happy now. By the way, I have made a plenty of big decisions in my life time, so this is not some immature rant, but rather, a serious decision for lifestyle. </p>

<p>If guys can choose to only date other guys, what's so wrong about my choice?</p>

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<p>It just seems silly to have a presupposition that you will not date any Asian girl, no matter how amazing she happens to be.</p>

<p>And there's a HUGE difference between "guys v. girls" and "asian girls v. white girls." Very, VERY big.</p>

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<p>Oh please I dont think that the guy or girl was COMPLETELY close minded when he/she said that when you restrict yourself to one specific race you tend to find fault (that is typically steeped in stereotypical information) in other races than the one you "prefer" to date. And why is it (and I dont mean to offend anyone) that white girls/guys seem to be the "universal dater" if you will when it comes to interracial dating? The OP is an Asian male who is attempting to date only white girls. Did you wake up one day and suddenly say to yourself, "Im only going to go after white chicks and any other chick (including those of my own race) are out of the circle" I dont get that. Some one please explain it to me!</p>

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<p>I think it might be a problem with society at large in the context of America. </p>

<p>I know this is an age-old discussion/debate, but if you think about the definition of beauty that the media gives (ex: mostly Caucasian models for Abercrombie & Fitch, "good-looking" male Caucasian celebrities), those definitions of beauty or appeal are intially instilled in all American children with exposure to that media (of course, they can grow up and form their own opinions later). Why is the ideal image mostly Caucasian? Because America consists of mostly Caucasian people. There's no way around that. </p>

<p>Of course, according to what I just said, that would mean that all American people, including minorities, only go for the majority ideal image, which is not necessarily true. I'm just making a few selected points. </p>

<p>From what I've seen, it does look like there are more Asian girl/Caucasian guy couples than vice versa. As for the reason, I don't know.</p>

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<p>Lol...maybe it's because tall guys like short girls, and vice versa.</p>

<p>(not that all whites are tall - I'm not - or that all Asians are short...)</p>

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<p>MOST tall guys like short girls. I'm of average height, and I prefer girs to be my height or even taller.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
First, I am a fob too, but I have something that sets me apart from other fobs. I extremely dislike my Asian root (and it was a deep one, for my grandfather, a professor in Ancient Chinese literature, taught me all about it). After frustrating experiences with Asian girls, fob or non-fob. I have decided to move on.</p>

<p>I am now situated in a particular environment within berkeley that's over 95% Caucasian. Call me close minded if you want. But I am happy now. By the way, I have made a plenty of big decisions in my life time, so this is not some immature rant, but rather, a serious decision for lifestyle.</p>

<p>If guys can choose to only date other guys, what's so wrong about my choice?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Being a self-hating FOB is not something I would publicly announce if I had any sense. And if it's your ethnic roots you hate, then why do you have problems with Americanized Asians?</p>

<p>
[quote]
when you restrict yourself to one specific race you tend to find fault (that is typically steeped in stereotypical information) in other races than the one you "prefer" to date.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Well said. I dismiss any notion of some kind of innocent "preference" for certain races that is free of harmful stereotypes or large traces of cultural brainwashing. The highest form of racial acceptance is intermarriage/interdating, bar none. You can have your faux-liberal talk about affirmative action and other PC initiatives that emanate from ivory towers, but unless you're open to the idea of marrying into their family, or dating, I call you a racist in denial. I'm not saying that everyone has to go around dating everybody as if they're on some kind of bird watching group, but at least be open to the idea.</p>

<p>There are certain things we may discriminate against when we seek relationships, such as temper, violence, dishonesty, etc. But if you say "I don't date Asians" or "I don't date Mexicans", what you're doing is equating Asianness or Mexicanness with the aforementioned negative character qualities. What kind of screwed up idea is that? And trying to pin it on culture (like saying certain cultures are more prone to violence, which is usually such propaganda BS) doesn't work since most Americans of all persuasions are thoroughly Americanized. Essentially, what you end up doing is making a blatantly racist assumption based on the most superficial of appearances.</p>

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<p>I like supermodels so I guess thats cool for tall girls. :D</p>

<p>I'm tall so that works. IDK I like short girls. But not midgets. :p</p>

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<p>
[quote]
If guys can choose to only date other guys, what's so wrong about my choice?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>What?! If you really are at Berkeley...your analogy makes no sense at all.</p>

<p>I agree completely with nbachris. If you aren't open-minded, something's wrong. Especially at college. You're missing a big opportunity to interact and date all kinds of women, an opportunity you might not have again in your life. Why not just push off the "aiming" a few years? Perhaps your views will be changed.</p>