Interview Dilemma...suggestions?

Applying to College
1

<p>I recently was contacted for an interview, and the alum requested that it was conducted at his house. The problem: my mother will not let me go... "we have no idea who this man is, you are a teenage girl, etc. etc."</p>

<p>So now what to do...how do I suggest another place? Or, alternatively, my parents offered to go with me...perhaps they would wait somewhere else? I really don't know what to do about this, I feel that it is an awkward situation and am wondering 1) if anyone has suggestions, and 2) has anyone else had this problem?</p>

2

<p>Hm, I've never run into this problem.</p>

<p>Perhaps your parents could come in, meet the interviewer, make sure he doesn't have any bodies in his basement and then go get coffee, then come back to pick you up.</p>

<p>Or, maybe you could suggest meeting him somewhere else. Say something like you would really feel more comfortable interviewing in a diner or more neutral place. </p>

<p>I'm sure my parents would have said the same thing... heh. Anyway, best of luck.</p>

3

<p>wow, what are they gonna do when you are in college...</p>

<p>just have them drop you off at his house and wait in the car a block away...jeesh</p>

<p>do you have his work #, etc...believe me, if he has given you all that, if he is referred by the university, etc., and he knows your parents have dropped you off, what do your parents think he is going to do?</p>

<p>the compromise is for them to drop you off, which is not unreasonable, as I might do that just for convenience sake....</p>

<p>how old are you....do they over protective in other ways?</p>

<p>as a mom of two teen girls, I would drop you off...I wouldn't take you to the door though, that makes you look immature</p>

<p>you can wave to your mom after he opens the door so he can see mom is watching, which isn't that big a deal</p>

<p>my mom waves at me when I drop her off letting me know she got in okay</p>

4

<p>These days its pretty common to meet in a public place; actually I'm a bit surprised the interviewer suggested his home. My suggestion is go to yahoo or google and find a coffee shop or something similar near his home, then call and suggest meeting there instead. Keep in mind it may be a different day/time if he has already planned on having a couple of applicants to his house that day.</p>

<p>I don't think anyone will be too surprised to hear that parents are reluctant to let their daughter meet a man at his house, especially an interviewer that may have kids of his own. So keep the conversation simple and speak with confidence -- "Mr. Smith my parents want me to meet college interviewers in public places. Can we meet at the Starbucks in Anytown on Main?" See how this is impersonal (you're not accusing <em>him</em> of anything, its just a rule) and how it steers the conversation to the next step of picking a meeting point?</p>

<p>It's not all that awkward a situation you're in, I think the problem comes in worrying about it and imagining all the various things he could say to put you on the spot, him thinking you're a child and not independent enough for college, uncomfortable questions at the interview along those lines, etc. This is highly unlikely to happen, so calling it a "dilemma" is overstating it a bit ;) And you might actually earn some points in his eyes for being honest about the situation and confident when you phone him. Colleges want kids who are willing to speak their mind even if it is in the face of some pressure, in this case the interviewers' approval.</p>

<p>And in the very rare case of him actually saying "my place or forget it" then you'll simply thank him for his time, contact the school, and ask (without offering a reason unless asked) if there is another interviewer in your area.</p>

5

<p>As an alumni interviewer for Harvard, I think it's a mistake for the man to suggest that a female meet him at his house. I would be uncomfortable meeting a man at an interview at his home, and I'm a grown woman.I have been a recruiter for a Fortune 500 company and never expected people to meet me in a place like my home or hotel room. </p>

<p>I think that you can call him and tell him that your parents are uncomfortable with the place. Ask him if you can meet him at a place like a coffee shop. Suggest one that's relatively close to his home.</p>

<p>Even if you were a grown woman, I'd suggest that you find a reason to suggest a public place. I think it's a bad idea to meet male interviewers or strangers in places like their homes. Even alumni interviewers may do things that are inappropriate. Also, the interviewer puts himself at risk because a student could misinterpret something that he has done or could blatantly lie about what happened in the interview. Students are not all emotionally balanced.</p>

<p>I have interviewed students in my home, but I don't think there are the safety issues for students who are meeting with a female interviewer as there are those meeting with a male one. I stopped interviewing students in my home after I started feeling unsafe after a student who was deferred dropped by without calling first, and left a present on my doorstep. I also talked with another female interviewer who, after a student whom she had interviewed was rejected, was surprised when the student and his mother came to her home, pushed their way in and insisted on talking to her about the guy for a half hour, basically demanding to know why he wasn't accepted.</p>

<p>In the unlikely event that the man won't change the location or seems put off by your request, let the college know exactly what happened, and ask if it's possible to get a different interviewer. Colleges would understand your concerns. Indeed, interviewers' handbook that I got from Harvard specifically asks interviewers to consider whether interviewing at their home may make students uncomfortable.</p>

<p>If you end up meeting at a coffeehouse, get there early and buy your own drink so as to "rent" the space. Offer to buy the interviewer's drink as a way of saying "thanks" for changing the location, and do thank the interviewer for changing the location.. If the interviewer had selected the coffee shop initially, I wouldn't suggest offering to buy the interviewer's drink (though you should try to buy your own or should not drink anything). Under your circumstances, however, it would be a polite thing to do.</p>

6

<p>lol hotel room</p>

7

<p>I also would not have my d meet in a male interviewer's home. (She did go to a female interviewer's home, though.) In fact, when she arranged an interview at a local Starbuck's, we still Googled the guy's name, checked his address and phone number, just to make sure that he was real. There are so many crazy people out there nowadays.</p>

<p>And to answer the question of what happens when she's in college: Perhaps she'll remember these lessons and take similar, simple and appropriate steps to protect herself before meeting strangers.</p>

<p>I agree that you should call the interviewer and ask to change the location. He may in fact be regretting the invitation to his home. If he has a problem meeting in a public place, that would be a red flag to me that you DO NOT now want to go to his home. In that case, as previously mentioned, decline the interview and contact the college.</p>

8

<p>I served as an alumni interviewer for Tufts for 5 years until I no longer had the time this year due to my own daughter's college application/visitation and audition process. Here's my take as a father and interviewer.</p>

<p>I always offered a student the option of meeting me at my office during business hours after school or at my home after work or on weekends. As a volunteer (and not a paid recruiter) I frankly was not interested in extending a 10 - 12 hour work day or increasing my time away from home and my own family on weeknights and weekends by meeting at some third "neutral" place.</p>

<p>At the same time, I was of course sensitive to any potential concern or discomfort a student (or parent) might have about showing up at some unknown stranger's house. It was not uncommon for a parent to walk their student to my door and meet me. I gave parents the option of relaxing in my downstairs rec room while I did the interview in the dining room. Some parents sat in their cars during the interview. As a parent, I viewed it as only natural that a parent would demonstrate some degree of involvement in the process. With my own very grown up and independent 17 year old daughter (who has already spent 2 summers away from home at college programs), I drive her to her interviews, even those held by traveling admissions officers at public places, even if simply for no other reason than I love her and am invested in her future</p>

<p>So don't overthink this and stress over it. And certainly don't let it be a source of contention with your Mom. Let her drive you to the interview and walk you to the door. She's not trying to encroach on your independence; she simply cares about you. The interviewer won't think this reflects negatively on you. He probably has had it happen a gizillion times and will think nothing of it. Or, as others have suggested, you may want to ask whether as a matter of traveling convenience you can meet him at a Starbucks etc on his way home from work. But don't be surprised if he is not thrilled at the suggestion - he may simply want to get home after a long day of work!</p>

9

<p>MichaelNKat, I'm glad my daughter decided not to apply to Tufts, if that's the way Tufts interviewers handle this situation.</p>

<p>Although I can appreciate the demands made on alumni interviewers' time, as well as the fact that they are volunteers, I think that students' and their parents' very real and justified safety concerns should take precedence. And I'm surprised that you weren't concerned about your own safety. Do you really feel comfortable about giving your home address to kids who may be unreasonably angry at Tufts and you if they are rejected?</p>

10

<p>Tell me, just what was wrong with the way I scheduled interviews? Was it that I offered to meet with the student at my office during normal hours after school (when other staff would be present) if that suited the student's preference or convenience? Or was it that I offered to parents the hospitality of my home if they desired to accompany their kid to the interview? Perhaps it was that I was more than happy to speak with parents on the phone or at my home and answer any questions or concerns they had. If the problem was that I wasn't interested in meeting a student in a time and manner that was inconvenient and unduly disruptive of my life and schedule, then you've got an interesting sense of entitlement. </p>

<p>The tenor of your post was unwarranted, devoid of any connection to the reality of what was stated in my post and bordered on hysteria. It also did not offer a single constructive suggestion to the original poster who was upset about her mother's concern for her safety and the student's perception that this would interfere with the interviewing process or some how reflect negatively on her. My post did not in any manner trivialize safety concerns parents might have for their kid, particularly a daughter, and if you think it did, then you need to to re-read it in context. </p>

<p>My point was very simple: parents and students need to work out between themselves a balance and accomodation of safety concerns and independence that they are both comfortable with and that a student shouldn't be concerned that parental involvement will diminish the student in the interviewer's eyes. Unless, of course the parent comes across as stridently and hostile as you do.</p>

<p>And no, at no time was I concerned for my safety or that of my family. I spend a great deal of my time interacting with teens professionally, as a community volunteer and personally through my kids friendships. Unlike some others, I don't view teenagers as a threat or potential criminals because they may be upset over a college rejection. But perhaps others spend too much time watching reality tv and not enough time actually interacting with their kids and other teenagers.</p>

11

<p>Wow, thank you very much for the responses! Not only interview advice, but a few life lessons as well ;)</p>

<p>My GC contacted the college (Northstarmom -it is actually Harvard) who confirmed that the man had been conducting interviews for several years. This seemed to assuage my parents fears (slightly). He lives very near my school where there are many coffee shops and other possibilities for public meetings, so I suppose I just have to work this out with my parents. It is good to know that I'm not in a unique situation...hopefully my interviewer will understand if I request a change. </p>

<p>Perhaps being dropped off by a parent will be a decent compromise.</p>

<p>Anyways...thanks again! I really appreciate the suggestions and advice.</p>

12

<p>After reading this thread, quite frankly, I am disgusted with what I have read. Most of the posts are riddled with entitlement and a remarkable sense of egotism, especially coming from parents. It is understandable and natural for any parent to be concerned about the well-being of their child. However, within this thread the level of helicopter parenting and the overtly apparent lack of independence granted to 18 year olds is alarming. </p>

<pre><code> In a matter of months these adults will be moving on from the plush suburban home, moving to institutions of higher learning across the nation from large metropolitan cities to tiny hamlets. To the poster, if you are on this short of a leash, how are you ready for college? Are you ready to leave and live on your own? Trust me, regardless of whether you are going to the city or to the boondocks, you will run into people far scarier and far more dangerous than the doctor or the attorney who attended university 30 years ago and is sitting in his study in the blazer and tie with a pad of paper waiting to learn about you and answer your questions. You will be living on your own, without mom in the mini-van down the block on campus watching as you go from class to class, there will be no meetings with professors to make sure they pass the litmus test for allowing you to attend office hours, and there won't be an opportunity to make sure you never once step across the perceived line that has been so rigidly set.

The suggestion that an alumni interviewer, from any esteemed institution that grants interviews to students in the first place, who is referred and working with the institution, and has provided name, address, phone number, and e-mail could possibly pose more of a threat to the safety of our children than the stalker on an urban campus, or the frat party that gets out of control, or the thief who has strolled onto campus late at night to get his hands on that brand new laptop you are carrying back to your room is absolutely absurd and shows how out-of-touch with reality people truly are.

While it is somewhat common to meet in a public place, it is not at all out of the ordinary to meet at the interviewer's home. A large minority of interviews occur in the privacy of the interviewer's home. That doesn't mean that because they are not in a public space an assault will occur. It's actually quite flattering to have someone who is working a full time job, and volunteering whatever excess time they have left to invite you into the privacy and comfort of their home and learn about you, answer your questions, and hopefully serve as an advocate for you in your admissions file. Additionally, the suggestion that because the interviewer is male we can't allow our children into his home is probably one of the most disgraceful, offensive, and ludicrous remarks I have read in my adult life. I don't think I need to explain how short-sighted and unreasonable a statement that is. It is presumptuous, out-of-line, and unprofessional to make the assumption that because someone is male, they are naturally inclined to want to invite female students into their homes to have their way with them. Step back for a moment and think, does anyone realize the liability that the situation would create for the school? Obviously, the school is confident in their interviewers and has taken the appropriate measures to be assured to a reasonable degree that the interviewer is not going to "pull a fast one" and cost them countless dollars in lawsuits and a reputation that many of these schools have been building for hundreds of years.

I think it is appropriate for us to pull back from the sensationalized reporting of the kidnappings, the rapes, and the murders. To be frank, it isn't as prevalent as you'd think. Sure it happens, and yes, it is sad and upsetting, but if you constantly live your life in fear, what kind of a life is that? I'd ask anyone to search Google or any newspaper for a story of anything similar to this in nature. I searched and came up empty, which didn't come as any surprise. It's natural to be concerned about our children, I understand and sympathize with that, however it is a ridiculous assertion to believe that everyone is out to snatch your perfect daughter or son. If you as a parent are comfortable with influencing your child to live a sheltered life so much to the point that you won't allow them to go to the home of an alumni interviewer associated with the school your child is applying to, then I will keep you in my thoughts, because frankly you need some help. Turn off the Fox News, turn on your brain.

In closing, I'd like to address the poster of the comment directed to the former alumni interviewer from Tufts. You should be ashamed of yourself. Your mean-spirited, rude, and unhelpful commentary to someone attempting to be helpful was neither funny nor necessary. Again, I agree we need to be mindful of our children's safety, but I hope logic and clear thinking will prevail in situations like these.
</code></pre>

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<p>"The suggestion that an alumni interviewer, from any esteemed institution that grants interviews to students in the first place, who is referred and working with the institution, and has provided name, address, phone number, and e-mail could possibly pose more of a threat to the safety of our children than the stalker on an urban campus, or the frat party that gets out of control, or the thief who has strolled onto campus late at night to get his hands on that brand new laptop you are carrying back to your room is absolutely absurd and shows how out-of-touch with reality people truly are. "</p>

<p>The idea that an alumni interviewer from an esteemed university has to be harmless strikes me as naive. There are sociopaths and dangerous people from all kinds of backgrounds,including those who attended esteemed universities. For example, the Unibomber attended my esteemed alma mater.</p>

<p>At least at my alma mater, alum interviewers get no screening. They simply volunteer to help out, and return get a booklet from the college providing information about the interviewing procedures. Alum interested in interviewing either contact the admissions office or the chair of their local alumni organization's committee that handles the screenings.</p>

<p>I know because I not only have volunteered as an alum interviewer for my esteemed interviewer: I also have chaired the local committee that handles the screenings. I had never even met most of the people who volunteered to interview.</p>

<p>Probably most do this out of the kindness of their heart, and most are normal people who wish to help, not harm, students. This doesn't mean that all are like this. While I've never heard of a student who was mistreated by an alum interviewer from my alma mater (or any college for that matter), I would never assume that such a thing hasn't or couldn't happen because there are all sorts of people in the world. Consequently, it makes sense to me to be reasonably cautious. Heck, a few years ago in my city, a male professor was charged with having invited over a male student to his house, slipping him some drug in an alcoholic drink, and then sexually assaulting him.</p>

<p>It's also smart for the alum interviewer to be cautious, too. They should avoid putting themselves in a situation in which an unbalanced or vindictive student could harm the volunteer's reputation, family or person. There are students who, sadly, kill themselves after being rejected from college. It's not alarmist to think that a disappointed student might turn their anger and hurt against an interviewer. Fortunately, most students are healthy enough not to consider doing such a thing, but that doesn't mean that every applicant is that well balanced.</p>

14

<p>whm, what I am teaching my almost-18 year old and what I believe 2o_o7's parents are teaching is that one can never assume that an individual is "safe" just because they say they have been recommended by another or represent an institution. Rather, one should double-check that the person on the other end of the phone is really who they say they are. Perhaps when my d wants to meet up with someone she's talked to on MySpace, she'll remember to do a little investigation and not be nearly as naive as just "Oh, he says he's from Harvard; I guess I should trust him." (And I suppose you believe that parents should now simply trust priests because they've been vetted by the Church?) Unfortunately, while you are correct that the vast majority of people (including interviewers and priests) are honest and trustworthy, some are not. The potential consequences of lowered vigilance can be so severe that vigilance is always required. With independence comes the responsibility to take steps to protect one's own safety and welfare. If I do not teach my d how to do that, who will? And how will she learn it? And why take unnecessary risks when they are so easily avoided?</p>

<p>While I may not agree with his politics or policies, I do believe in Ronald Reagan's motto: "Trust but verify."</p>

15

<p>Even if the person is really an alum interviewer from [insert name of esteemed college here], that still doesn't mean that they are trustworthy, emotionally well balanced or have good judgment.</p>

<p>I am aware of an alum interviewer at [insert name of esteemed college here] who, I heard, has a reputation for sexually harassing his employees. A man whom I met claimed that interviewer grabbed the man's girlfriend, who was working at the interviewer's place of business, and french kissed her on the mouth. </p>

<p>I met an alum interviewer from another esteemed college who got stinking and disgustingly drunk at a lunch for alum from a variety of esteemed colleges. The man could hardly walk to his car (!) after the lunch, which was not what others regarded as a time to drink heavily!</p>

<p>It's not possible for colleges to screen alum interviewers for the kind of behaviors that I describe. The colleges are lucky to get busy alum to volunteer to interview. The colleges don't run police checks and character checks on the interviewers.</p>

<p>If I had a daughter, I wouldn't allow her to be interviewed at a male alum interviewer's home. As a woman, I wouldn't go to a man's home for a job interview nor would I go to his hotel room. This is just to me, common sense, not being overly cautious.</p>

<p>Colleges understand this kind of cautiion and don't consider parents or students who are like this to be not worthy of college admission.</p>

16

<p>The ivy for which I conduct interviews has asked that we not hold them at our homes out of concern for the comfort of the applicant. It's perfectly reasonable to ask an alumni interviewer to hold the interview in a public place. It's understandable that an applicant and/or parent may be uncomfortable with an interview at someone's home. The idea that this discomfort somehow relates back to inappropriate overprotectiveness is off-base.</p>

<p>These interviews are not simply an evaluative tool, they are a way for schools to reach out on a personal level to applicants. The last thing that any school wants to do is have alumni doing things that are off-putting to students.</p>

17

<p>"In a matter of months these adults will be moving on from the plush suburban home, moving to institutions of higher learning across the nation from large metropolitan cities to tiny hamlets. To the poster, if you are on this short of a leash, how are you ready for college? Are you ready to leave and live on your own? ...You will be living on your own, without mom in the mini-van down the block on campus watching as you go from class to class "</p>

<p>I think that you are confusing prudent caution with over protectiveness. My interviewer is essentially just a man that I have never met, it in no way qualifies as a "short leash" for my parents to be concerned. There is nothing wrong with caution. You are advocating disregarding any possibility of risk, which does not seem very wise to me. Part of being on your own seems to me to be about making smart decisions, which doesn't appear to be your forte.</p>

<p>We ended up rescheduling at a local coffee shop close to his home. He was very understanding.</p>

18

<p>I'm glad that things worked out for you. It's no surprise to me that he agreed to the reschedule. Any thoughtful alum interviewer would understand your and your parents' caution, which indicated common sense, not overprotectiveness.</p>

<p>How'd the interview go?</p>