<p>My daughter and I have gotten along so well during the college app process. Unbelievably, this is our first real disagreement. One of her favorite schools scheduled her interview in what I consider an "iffy" part of our nearby city. First of all, we are country people, so she has to drive an hour and a half to get to the interview. Second, it is to be held on a side of town where there is a lot of random violence. Third, she is not used to driving in the city at all (never has to my knowledge). Since on top of all this, the parking is usually terrible anywhere downtown or on its fringes, I asked if I could drive her. Emphatic no. She is not being "driven to" her X interview, and the interviewer would write her off immediately if she was. Soooo, what do you think? Am I being stupid?</p>
<p>Many kids are driven to their interviews, some kids don’t yet have licenses. I drove my kids so they could review the college’s materials on the way and not have to worry about directions and parking. We usually saw other parents dropping off/picking up kids. </p>
<p>Here are a few threads on the topic.
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/831039-college-interviews-without-car.html?highlight=drive+interview[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/831039-college-interviews-without-car.html?highlight=drive+interview</a>
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/780384-interview-question-parents-welcome-attend.html?highlight=interview[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/780384-interview-question-parents-welcome-attend.html?highlight=interview</a></p>
<p>I think it is important for your daughter to feel comfortable at the interview.</p>
<p>She might not feel comfortable if you drop her off, but she also might not feel comfortable if she has to drive in an unfamiliar city, in an “iffy” neighborhood.</p>
<p>Solution: You drive her but drop her a few blocks from the interview location. When she leaves the interview, she calls your cell phone from her cell phone and walks a few blocks to a predetermined location where you will pick her up. This way, it looks to the interviewer as though she drove herself (and simply parked a few blocks away). But in fact, the only potentially difficult situation she has to cope with is walking a few blocks in the “iffy” neighborhood, which is not likely to be a huge problem in the daytime.</p>
<p>Not negotiable if you think it isn’t safe for her to drive there alone. Drive her, drop her at the door, park nearby; you don’t need to bring her in to the interview, which I think is excessive. Have her call you when she is done, waiting inside until you arrive to pick her up. No need to insult the interviewer by telling him/her mommy didn’t think it was safe, but easy enough if subject of how she got there comes up to say she and mom drove in together and mom is doing errands in the city while she interviews. Or something along those lines. </p>
<p>That said, I doubt an interview would be scheduled in a really iffy area in any case, but the drive is rather long under any circumstances and safety and security are paramount. Random violence can take place anywhere, though; violence isn’t necessarily part of recent gentrification or urban-style socioeconomic diversity. </p>
<p>Good luck with this teaching moment–remind her that maturity isn’t just doing things on your own but knowing when your parents might be right.</p>
<p>^^^what mattmom said. Is this school located in an “iffy” part of town, too? If she wants to attend school in a city and this is her reaction to going to the interview, hmmmm…</p>
<p>Neither of our kids drove when they were doing college interviews. We’d drop them off or they’d meet the interviewer at some place accessible by public transit. As parents, we never showed our faces at an interview. It’s the kid’s time to speak, not ours.</p>
<p>In any event, if it’s a 1.5 hour drive to an unfamiliar place, I’d want to drive my kid anyway.</p>
<p>Stand your ground. You drive. The interviewer will never know. My kids have been driven to all their interviews. I drop them off they call me when they are ready to be picked up. In one case my son walked to a nearby diner and had lunch before calling.</p>
<p>The fate of Western Civilization does not turn on the answer to this question. You should do what makes you comfortable, and work out something with your child so that she feels comfortable, too. (You both want her to go into that interview feeling like a mature, competent, problem-solving, confident adult, not a middle-schooler whose mom is outside.)</p>
<p>But my basic reaction is different from everyone else’s. I am suspicious about your judgment that the interview was scheduled in a place with a lot of random violence. I suppose that could happen, but I’ll bet it didn’t. I think it’s good for kids to take responsibility for getting themselves to their interviews . . . even if they take place in “iffy” neighborhoods. In the very near future, there won’t be any chance that you will be doing the driving for this kind of appointment, so the only real question is when and how you and your daughter start the transition. If it were I, I would have started it already.</p>
<p>I’ve done several interviews with my two daughters, one now a freshman and one just accepted for next year. In every case, the interviewer welcomed the opportunity to have me join the interview after they were finished so that they could answer my questions. It’s an expected part of the process and in no way reflects on your daughter.</p>
<p>coolay, I disagree with your expectation that parental participation is part of the process. Often, students arrive at interviews without a parent. This has never seemed to be a problem.</p>
<p>I always drove my kids to interviews because they did not have cars (and one did not yet have a license at the time). But I never came into the building, and since the interviews were held in public places, the interviewer had no idea where the student was going after leaving the building. No interviewer ever said, “I really wanted to speak to your parent, too.”</p>
<p>I think you should approach this in a different way, more aligned with personal safety. You want your D, while she is in college and afterward, to use the “buddy” system at all times. If she goes out at night to a party (or to the library) you want her to be with a friend, not leave that friend, and never be by herself at night. It’s just not safe. You also want her to use the buddy system when venturing someplace during the day that she is unfamilier with. Not knowing the area and where she might get help, so she needs a friend until she is comfortable. Here, for the interview, it works the same way. She doesn’t know the area and she is meeting a person she does not know (treat this like you might a date made over the internet). This is not a necessarily a bad thing, but something that requires a buddy to be careful. You, in this case are the buddy. You drive her, drop her at the door, wait for her to finish and call you and you pick her up. She does not leave the place without her “buddy”…you. These are good rules that all girls should follow (maybe boys too?).</p>
<p>Hopefully, MuppetMom, the interviewer is meeting her at a public place such as a coffee shop or library, or at the interviewer’s place of employment, where others would be present, so the safety concerns involved in meeting with a stranger would not apply.</p>
<p>I know that some colleges allow interviewers to meet with students at the interviewer’s home, but it is a really bad practice.</p>
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<p>Why would the interviewer even know? The D shows up in the coffee shop or whatever. </p>
<p>My D had an interview in a downtown area where she is not yet skilled enough to drive by herself. I drove her, parked in a lot a few blocks away, she walked there, I bided my time and took a nap, she texted me when she was leaving and wa-la, as they say in France, there she was. The interviewer had no idea if she had gotten there by train (which she could have – I was happy to drive her though), by her own car, or by mom in the car.</p>
<p>None of my kids has their licenses at the time of their interviews. They were too busy to get around to it, and we used the money for music lessons etc. instead.</p>
<p>In general, there were many instances when I would drive them places and never go in. I never met said music teacher, for instance. </p>
<p>I don’t understand what the problem is.</p>
<p>Is there public transportation available to get to this interview? Surprisingly, all of the interviews scheduled for our kids were not accessible by public transportation, but if there had been a way to get there on their own, that would have worked fine. As it was, I had to drive them.</p>
<p>In one case, the interview was in a hotel lobby, far away from anything else for me to do. I brought a book and sat somewhere else in the hotel (it was cold out). Otherwise, I dropped them off and did some errands on my own.</p>
<p>This is maybe a symptom of the need for autonomy that shows up so much around now, and that gets focused on random things (my son got mad at me for doing his laundry, if you can imagine!). Maybe talking about that explicitly will help.</p>
<p>I’d let her decide if you are comfortable with her driving skills and her “street smarts.” With my oldest and #2, sometimes they wanted me to drive (because they were nervous about locating the building or nervous about the interview) and sometimes they wanted to drive.</p>
<p>My son had 4 college interviews. For every one, the scheduling email acknowleged that, after the student’s interview concluded, the rep would speak to any parents who might be waiting outside, in the hall, or in another part of the restaurant. </p>
<p>Based on this I’d say it’s pretty common for parents to come along. I agree with the others. You should have no regrets about being there, much less dropping off.</p>
<p>All else being equal, though, I don’t see it as a positive for the parent to show up at the end of the interview and talk with the rep. I still would maintain the fiction that the student got there independently, even if indeed mom is sitting in a parking lot around the corner surfing CC on her smartphone, not that that ever happened of course 
It’s not my show!</p>
<p>“I don’t see it as a positive for the parent to show up at the end of the interview and talk with the rep.”</p>
<p>True…and an understatement.</p>
<p>You saw your kid’s scheduling e-mails? I sure didn’t.</p>
<p>Local standards, I guess. I have never, ever heard of a parent talking with an interviewer (other than maybe shaking hands while picking the kid up). I would regard it as somewhat bizarre and inappropriate, and I believe around here both other parents and the interviewers would have the same reaction. It Just Isn’t Done.</p>
<p>I doubt any interviewer would trash a kid for that reason. But I have no doubt that too aggressive parental involvement is a negative factor at the admissions stage. There is a danger that an interview report could reinforce other impressions the admissions staff has formed to the effect that they wouldn’t be doing their institution a favor by admitting a child of this parent.</p>
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<p>Actually, in France they say “vwa-la” (voila). There should be an \ accent mark over the a, but I don’t know how to do that on my computer because I’m a technology idiot.</p>
<p>Parent to Parent—listen to your gut on this issue. If you feel that your daughter is not safe to go alone, then share that with your daughter. If her position continues to negate your feelings, then offer her a choice-without another adult traveling with her to the interview, then she needs to make other arrangements for a different location or pass on this interview.
This decision is not about whether she is grown up-it is the measure of maturity to recognize the need for precaution.
G’Luck-APOL-a mom</p>