<p>I keep coming back to this thread, typing and then deleting. Let me just get out there: Because you are self-proclaimed “country people,” isn’t it possible that the area isn’t as bad as you make it out to be? What alum is going to schedule an interview for a kid who lives 90 minutes away in a dangerous environment? It might be out of your comfort zone, but I doubt it’s truly dangerous.</p>
<p>Regardless, that’s a long way to drive, especially if it’s an area with which you aren’t familiar so I’d have no problem insisting that I drive. But I’d stay out of sight.</p>
<p>Did they automatically get cars, too? It’s not the license, it’s the car. My juniors were / are not entitled to their own cars. We still have to drive them around and share cars.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the response. To defend my daughter against those who thought she was afraid, she absolutely is not. It is me. And the neighborhood where the interviewer apparently lives is quite quaint, and no doubt he feels safe there. The problem is really that it is in a cocoon and around the cocoon are some of the very worst parts of town. Because of where the interstate is, you pretty much have to negotiate those parts to get to the cocoon. I am just worried about where one wrong turn could take her.<br>
I certainly agree that this a minor issue in light of what most of us are going through today, moneywise, healthwise, worldwise, etc. (although sometimes it is a relief to focus on the minor things and forget the big stuff, isn’t it?.)
And I never intended to attend the interview or be anywhere near. I just would like to see her safely there.
When I posted, I was hoping to see response that I could show her to reassure her that she would not be the first person whose mother or father drove them to an interview. You’ve certainly given me that. Thanks again. I</p>
<p>Oh, good! Youth think they’re so invincible. I’d reassure her that you’re not going to be waving at them outside the window. But that it’s still a safety concern. One line I use w/my 17yo is “This is why 17yos have mothers, to save them from themselves.”</p>
I actually think you’re making the right choice in wanting to drive her yourself, if this is a part of the city that she doesn’t know well–even apart from the safety issue, two heads are better than one when it comes to navigating in unfamiliar territory.</p>
<p>But I do want to reassure you that, even in the “very worst parts of town,” one wrong turn would probably take her to an area where the vast majority of the residents are just ordinary, law-abiding working-class people who would take no notice of her unless she stopped to ask them for directions, and if she did so, would almost certainly respond kindly and helpfully. Most violent crime in urban neighborhoods is between people who know each other. Granted, Boston is not Detroit or Los Angeles, but I think the basic principle is the same everywhere: “dangerous neighborhoods” are mostly dangerous to the people who live in them, and more specifically, to the young men who live in them.</p>
<p>You might want to let her do the driving / navigating and not say a word, to ensure that she has the skills to find where she needs to get to without your help. As opposed to you being the navigator (navigatrice?).</p>
<p>I saw some of my kids email and some I didn’t. At least once when ds had already turned off his computer and was running out the door he asked me to sign into his email and respond to the interviewer. My son has taken the train into Manhattan for an early evening interview by himself, but most of the interview locations haven’t been easily accessible by public transportation, so my kids need to check with me if the times they set up are okay with their chauffeur (me). </p>
<p>Even if my kids drove - I’d be a bit leery about three hours of driving in one day - whether or not my perceptions about the neighborhood were safe or not.</p>
<p>BTW my older son’s Harvard interviewer invited me in to talk for a few minutes when I came back after the appointed 45 minutes. (This was back before cell phones.) It was very low key and I don’t think reflected badly on my son.</p>
<p>I think this is only a concern if the setting is such that the interviewer can see where the student is going after the interview. If the setting is a coffee shop in a shopping center, the student simply leaves the coffee shop and walks away into the parking lot. The interviewer has no idea whether the student is walking to his car, to a car where a parent is waiting, or to a prearranged place down the street, where the student will call for a ride and wait for it to arrive. What would not be a good idea is for the student to wait for the ride within the coffee shop where the interview took place. That could be disruptive.</p>
<p>I have a college soph and a HS senior and neither drive yet – we live in the diverse burbs of a major metro area with excellent public transportation, which we started encouraging them to use when they hit HS. </p>
<p>I’ve been thinking on this one since I posted earlier today – when I took S2 to CMU, the interviewer came out to introduce herself afterwards. Otherwise, I’ve never met an interviewer. </p>
<p>I will say that when each of my kids traveled to UChicago for on-campus interviews, they were asked how they got there (Southwest to Midway and to campus via the 55 bus through south Chicago – they each went solo). I assume this was just an attempt to start the conversation rather than an “are your parents listening at the door?” type question.</p>
<p>While most kids in my city get their licenses pronto after their 16th birthday, it’s not a given that they all get cars. Some get new ones as birthday gifts, some get used cars, some drive the family car, what have you.</p>
<p>" Did they automatically get cars, too? It’s not the license, it’s the car. My juniors were / are not entitled to their own cars. We still have to drive them around and share cars."</p>
<p>Entitled? I think when they turn 16 I am entitled to get my life back. If she just drives to her own activities I save at least ten hours of my time and half a tank of gas every week from only driving one way. Not to mention I can now do my own activities in the afternoons without having to beg off because I have to leave to pick someone up. Heck, I might even go out and get a job.</p>
My response would be to forget the interview then. Not only do I agree that you should drive her, I would not be negotiable at all on this issue. She’s not a seasoned city driver, regardless of neighborhood – it’s a simple safety issue. </p>
<p>I actually think it’s pretty rude for any college to expect a kid (or parent) to drive out of town for an interview. But I also think college interviews are ridiculous and unnecessary.</p>
<p>My brother had to be at swim practice at 5:30 AM. My Mom said “when he was little, thinking about him driving drove a spear of fear into my heart. Now that he’s swimming, I’m gonna completely lose it if he doesn’t pass that driver’s test the FIRST time!” As he had to go straight to school after practice, my parents bought him a car at 16. Used, but a nice car. I bought my first car at 23. I should have been a swimmer.</p>
<p>re liscenses.
My youngest still doesn’t have her liscense, my oldest didn’t get one till she was a junior in college, I didn’t get one till I was 20.</p>
<p>I have poor peripheral vision as do my kids and today the eye dr told me why.
I don’t have binocular vision, and therefore poor depth perception- makes driving very difficult.
I am going to start vision therapy and I am also going to get my kids assessed.</p>
<p>Just more parental feedback here. Whatever it takes for you to be a “non-anxious presence” on the interview day, do that. You sound concerned about the trip and neighborhood even if you are the driver. Allow extra time; use a GPS if you have one AND take maps; study maps beforehand – all on your own time. Write down directions in clear print for yourself. </p>
<p>Just let her relax and focus on her own thoughts as you drive along together. If you really believe the neighborhood is unsafe in your perception, then plan to arrive an hour early, locate the interview shoppe well ahead of time, then return to it in a timely way to drop her off.</p>
<p>Your real responsibility here is to deliver her up in a way that she can walk in calmly and be her best self. Don’t download your nerves onto her about the neighborhood as you drive. Really you need to come through for her in this way.</p>
<p>I only had to drop off my D a few times for job interviews held at Starbucks in the middle of a very manageable city downtown. She was already a college grad but the secret of the chauffeur was ours alone. I used the cellphone technique and stayed in a locked car in a busy supermarket parking lot when the weather was balmy. When it was very cold, I went in and shopped groceries. I still regret she never learned to drive throughout college, BTW. My sons, who drive, STILL liked me to drop them off for very high-stakes interviews so they didn’t have to stress, long after they knew how to drive. It’s not a maturity thing; it’s a luxury you can offer her for which she might say “Thanks, Mom.” In return you must be C.A.L.M. that day. </p>
<p>I’m guessing you are concerned for her making a “wrong turn” because sometimes you do. We all do. So study up before you leave home; allow plenty of time; reassure her you’ll be quiet as you drive to the downtown so she can think freely. Then keep your promise…</p>
<p>Then tell her “Thank you for this practice. Someday when the college bills come I will know how to jump in a car, drive around in circles to chill while not paying them immediately.”</p>
<p>" actually think it’s pretty rude for any college to expect a kid (or parent) to drive out of town for an interview. "</p>
<p>Students always can turn down the chance to interview.</p>
<p>At many colleges, interviews are conducted by alumni who are volunteering their time. The colleges have to find a willing alum within a reasonable distance. The colleges use the alums that they have. They can’t give everyone an interview within a 15 min. drive. There are many students who aren’t able to get interviews who’d gladly trade places with those who have to drive an hour and a half to an interview.</p>
<p>Heck, I drove my S to his JOB interview (we were short of cars & I knew the area where the interview was being held better than him, plus he was very tired–not an early morning person). He was offered the permanent job, even tho he was chauferred by me to the interview (at a coffee shop). I dropped him off & drove away, waiting for him to call me when it was time to pick him up. </p>
<p>S has a license and we even shipped him a car to his college but he likes being chaufferred (as does D–she still only has her learner’s permit because she has never bothered to take the roadtest). It makes good sense to have someone drive while the person who will be interviewed collects his/her thoughts and remains CALM.</p>
But that it’s still a safety concern. One line I use w/my 17yo is “This is why 17yos have mothers, to save them from themselves.”</p>