<p>S has very good credentials (academic and EC's) and has applied for some good scholarships. He is usually able to make it past the initial screening and gets to the interview/preliminary interview stage but then does not go further.</p>
<p>I have tried to coach him on how to interview (beyond the basics of being on time/dress code etc.) but my feeling is that he becomes very nervous and does not carry himself off very well. He is stiff and almost robotic and becomes verbose rather than sticking to the point.</p>
<p>The more rejection he gets, the more he seems to loose confidence in himself and starts making statements he is a looser etc. Any suggestions from parents out there on how to help regain his confidence and how to help present himself better in interviews.</p>
<p>I think anti anxiety pills can help. But otherwise, can you be more specific on what he is doing wrong. Like does he stutter, or does he not answer properly?</p>
<p>No he does not stutter generally. I think he comes out to be very stiff, his voice is monotonous, his answers are long winded. I think he does not smile and simple questions can throw him off balance. He wants to make a good impression and when I told him it is “OK to smile”, his reaction was “No, they will think I am too casual”.</p>
<p>I also think that he does not fully articulate all his accomplishments. Given that I am not actually watching him in the interview, it is difficult to say, but these are my impressions based on trying to have a mock interview. When I asked him to describe his volunteer activities, he left off some of the more significant ones.</p>
<p>Again, I know that expecting a 17 year old HS student to posses interviewing skills is difficult. Also, S is not a gregarious type, he is generally very reserved and is the nerdy type. He cannot for example strike a conversation with a stranger and is very deep. Likes to understand and analyze things, not very spontaneous.</p>
<p>maze - It may be helpful for him to do some mock interviews with another adult. When my daughter was doing her college interviews, we practiced quite a bit. I asked her many tough/trick questions to see if she could think on her feet. What I told her back then and now she is doing some real job interviews is “really think about what is it about her that she would really like the interviewer to know about her.” No matter what they ask her, she should try to bring them back to what she wants to tell them. In her case, she is a negotiator, inclusive, attention to detail, hard worker, organizer, is able to accomplish a lot in very short period of time. She is not an intellect, she is shallow, likes pop culture, not a reader. When she is interviewing with someone who is “earthy” then she would stay away from anything that’s too shallow. I also advise her to google whoever she is meeting with before every interview. You would be surprised what you could find out about someone on the internet - hobby, research, family, work…</p>
<p>Is your son uncomfortable with adults? If he hasn’t had much interaction with adults, he may have a harder time having 1:1 with them. If that’s the case, it’s even more important for him to do some mock interviews with other adults.</p>
<p>I’d also suggest a mock interview, videotaped. Act as if it is a real interview (not interrupting to comment on performance, give tips, etc…). Afterwards, go over the videotape with the “interviewer” and then make comments, give advice, etc… Both you and your son will be able to pick up verbal tics and body language that might not be obvious during the interview.</p>
<p>He might also create a resume or written outline of everythng he wants to get across about himself. If, in the example you raised, he earlier listed 3 relevant EC’s and has those on the tip of his tongue, he’s more likely to mention those rather than less relevant ones, when the questioner comes near that area. </p>
<p>Work with him to develop positive phrases (sound-bytes) that characterize his strengths. For example, if early in the interview he mentions something as “an example of how I do things – with thought and care – as evidenced by project X,” then they might not expect him to ALSO be charming and spontaneous. It takes all kinds in a workplace. He might need to spin himself so he tells them how to see him in a way HE is comfortable. </p>
<p>If he’s overall very uncomfortable and stiff, you might remind him that, from the employer/scholarshipper/interviewer side, they are as eager and concerned to find the right person as he is to be chosen. Your S might relax realizing one of his jobs is to simply reveal he’s an honest, decent candidate. He needs to connect with them to reassure THEM. That might not work with your guy, but see.</p>
<p>If your personality is strong and his more reluctant, you might be making him nervous in the mock interviews. At least, go through the entire interview before critiqueing/evaluating the answers. Afterwards, instead of telling him how it went, ask him how he thought it went and gently build from there to make your points.</p>
<p>On the item you mentioned of being “verbose rather than sticking to the point” he might practice saying the main answer first and then elaborating. Then teach him to watch for some body language that says the interviewer’s heard enough on that topic. You could really model that one well at home. Pick a practice topic, let him hear two possible ways to answer it (one without the main point at the start, the other with); ask him which he prefers. Most people like to hear answers that begin “Yes, because…” or 'Not necessarily…" than wait and wade through the paragraphs before the answer is made clear. Perhaps show him how newspaper articles are written, with the first paragraph telling the main point, followed by elaboration – in case the editor chops for space, they chop from the bottom (it’s a pyramid). To summariae: practice him getting out the main point in the first breath; then elaborate, meanwhile watch for (you) fidgeting, glancing downward to papers or otherwise showing you’ve had enough on that topic.</p>
<p>Another adult will be better - my DD will do much better with another adult she respects - her HS college counselor is helping her prepare. furthermore, somebody like a counselor will know what kind of questions they need to prepare for.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your suggestions. I appreciate them.</p>
<p>He did have a an session with HS GC but then I think that she knows him very well and so may not have give him the experience of dealing with total strangers. oldfort, you are right he is uncomfortable with adults (especially those whom he does not know) and that may be part of the problem.</p>
<p>Also, when doing the mock interview, I did make the mistake of trying to give him feedback as he was talking rather than make notes and wait till the end. Like paying3tuitions suggests, I may have made him nervous during the mock interview due to our personalities and that may have carried over to the real interview.</p>
<p>What I am going to try to do is to find an experienced adult that my son does not know well and ask them to conduct an mock interview (or a couple of people if possible). I will also video tape either the interview with the adult or conduct one myself so that we can try and see what his mannerisms are. Also, I think the suggestions from paying3tuitions is right on and I will try and work with on trying to get him to be concise.</p>
<p>You’ve gotten some great advice here and I don’t have alot to add other than experience is the key. My daughter is a senior in college and did well in her interviews for the big undergrad scholarships but I attribute it mainly to some of the school activities that she was involved in. For parents of younger students who might read this, I would encourage your kids to get involved in any types of school competitions that involve speaking to adults; not necessarily public speaking to a group but even one on one speaking to a judge.</p>
<p>DD was involved in science fair and sim city future city competitions where the kids had to present their work to a judge or judges. The teachers involved with these activities worked with the kids on exactly what oldfort spoke about in that no matter what they are asked to gently bring the conversation back to what they want the judges to know. In other words, bring the focus to what you want it to be on. </p>
<p>DD credits the experience she gained through these competitions with her success in interviews, even today as she is going through grad school interviews. She always says that as a high school freshman, she had to present her science fair project at ISEF to a nobel prize winner in chemistry; after that experience, she felt like she could handle anything. </p>
<p>In another thread about interviewing, I commented that my pet peeve with young people interviewing is a limp fish handshake so I will add that here too. I believe young people should be taught to shake hands properly with a firm handshake that says I am a confident young person, while looking you in the eye. Not crushing, just firm. The GC at DD’s middle school taught our kids this and made them practice introducing themselves. </p>
<p>Good luck to your son! I’m sure with practice, he will begin to feel more confident and that’s half the battle.</p>
<p>Maze, try getting your son to summarize his “essence” into an elevator pitch, i.e. if he found himself in an elevator with the decisionmaker and had just enough time from the ground floor to the top floor to “pitch” himself, what would he say?</p>
<p>It would be along the lines of “I’m smart, I’m ethical, I’m curious and here are examples of those three things- boom”. Or, “I care about people, I love ideas, and I work really hard to overcome obstacles as you can see from this example-” Or, “I’m excited to attend your college because you offer X and Y and X and Y is what makes me tick. Here’s why.”</p>
<p>Get the three points down, pick one or two anecdotes which illustrate those points, and then find a sympathetic grownup to rehearse. Feedback afterwards, no interrupting, no criticizing. The point isn’t to say, “you are verbose and boring”. The point is to remind him to “Sell it, not Tell it.”</p>
<p>He may also need to understand the dynamics of these interviews. Nobody expects a 17 year old to be Katie Couric or Barack Obama in front of the microphone. So the bar is a lot lower than he may realize. But identifying the three core things he wants to leave with his interviewers will go a long way towards eliminating all the wordy and off-track answers that he’s reverting to. And practicing until he feels good about himself will really help the nerves.</p>
<p>And knowing that even really experienced interviewers/interviewees rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. You can read all about how thoroughly Joe Biden (who had been speaking to crowds for decades) had to rehearse before his debates with Sarah Palin. And how carefully Hilary Clinton was prepped before every major interview. Practicing your spiel so you can deliver it in your sleep is how the pro’s deal with it- and so can your S.</p>
<p>I haven’t done a lot of interviews, but I’ve gone to lots of talks with Q&As. So here are some tips:
Use the bathroom before your interview.
Make sure your clothes are clean and your shoes are presentable.
Do not drench yourself in scent.
Thank the interviewer at the beginning and at the end of the interview.
Make sure you make eye contact.
Don’t fidget or drum your fingers on the table.
Even if you know the answer already, don’t interrupt the person asking question.
If you want to think through the answer, don’t let the silence drag on. Say something innocuous such as “thank you for asking,” or “that’s a good question.” or “I’m not sure I get the drift, can you rephrase? (very good if it is the interviewer who is being verbose). You can even say something like” Hmm… I have not thought about this before. Let me try to answer…" as you think furiously about a more specific answer.</p>
<p>For the substantive part, I agree with Blossom. If you have a resume, it is helpful for working out examples of your strengths and interests. These can be academic or non-academic. At college interviews, S was asked about his hobbies.</p>
<p>“I think he does not smile and simple questions can throw him off balance. He wants to make a good impression and when I told him it is “OK to smile”, his reaction was “No, they will think I am too casual”.”</p>
<p>Can he talk to some of your adult friends who have to interview people? My guess is that he’s trying so hard to be serious that the interviewers think that he doesn’t like them or isn’t interested in the job.</p>
<p>Hearing from people that interview that interviewing is like a conversation might help him relax.</p>
<p>Can he also look up some interviewing tips? There are plenty on the Internet. Reviewing those might help him realize that interviewers are interested in people who seem friendly, not people who seem stiff and grimly serious.</p>
<p>Maze, is there a speech or debate teacher that he might have access to? I remember that with some of my daughter’s activities, the speech teacher would give them pointers as far as their body language while they practiced their “sales pitch”. Posture, what they do with their hands, eye contact, facial expressions. Not so much what they’re saying but more what their body is saying.</p>
<p>Your comment about smiling or not is interesting also. I’d love to know from college interviewers what they think. My DD is a “smiley” person. She learned early on that acting was not for her because she cannot hold back from smiling; it’s not fake, that’s just her nature. And interviewing has always been a strength for her. But she’s also very enthusiastic and passionate about her areas of interest. </p>
<p>I agree with the poster who said that if your son comes across as too reserved, it could be misinterpreted as lack of interest. You might suggest to your son that he take his cue from the interviewer; if the interviewer is relaxed and smiling, then he should be a little more relaxed and show his enthusiasm for the school more. It may not be easy for him if that’s not him by nature (it’s hard for me, too) but you have to push outside of your comfort zone sometimes in interviewing.</p>
<p>All of this advice is very good. I would add that it is important to maintain eye contact and sit forward in the chair - sitting back connotes low energy. He can’t go wrong by smiling, especially when maintaining eye contact. In terms of content, my daughter benefitted from practicing with adults - friends of my husband’s whom she doesn’t see too often. It’s not helpful if he’s too familiar with the practice interviewer. You should try to get as much information about the interviewer beforehand so that he can “customize” his answers for the particular person.</p>
<p>It’s a good idea to smile. Don’t fake it, but don’t come across as scowling or indifferent. In general, if you smile, people smile back.
Treat the interviewer as a sympathetic person who’s on your side and wants you to do well rather than an opponent ready to find fault.</p>