<p>My dd (a senior) has one school out of her list of 9 that "recommends" an interview. She's a smart young lady, active in theater and music at her school and a really good kid - but very shy. I really don't think (and she doesn't either) that she'd interview well. "Schmoozing" is not one of her strong suits. She's a math/science kid applying for engineering programs and she's just not super comfortable making small talk with strangers. </p>
<p>How would you guide a kid who probably should interview, but 1. doesn't want to (it's way out of her comfort zone); and 2. might not come off well in an interview?</p>
<p>If the school recommends an interview, I suggest accepting the challenge. It’s a good opportunity to find out what interviewing is about, and in just a few years she won’t have the option of deciding not to interview. Is the interview conducted by alumni, the admissions staff, or current students? People who interview prospective college admits are not expecting every applicant to be polished or even comfortable.</p>
<p>I presume this is an evaluative interview. I suggest that your d also look at it as an opportunity to find out more about the school, and to express her enthusiasm for it. If you do a search, you’ll find some old threads by alumni interviewers that are specific about what not to do. (I remember Northstarmom being understandably turned off by someone who really needed a Kleenex but didn’t have one and didn’t think to ask for one, either.) Best of luck to your daughter. I don’t know her, but she can almost certainly do this. Since the school recommends it, I think there is more to be lost by not interviewing.</p>
<p>At some schools like MIT your chances are being rejected are double if you don’t interview. You’ll have to interview for jobs and internships, so I really think she needs to bite the bullet and do the interviews. There are lots of shy kids who probably aren’t particularly helped by interviews, but it’s pretty rare that anyone is seriously hurt by one either. Most of the people giving interviews are quite good at it and know how to warm up shy kids.</p>
<p>So what do you do? You practice. You talk over the dinner table about what kinds of questions might be asked. You search CC for past threads about interviews good and bad. There are at least a couple of CC parents who interview for their colleges and have shared what they look for in the past. My older son was a taciturn comp sci type. I came in at the end of one of his interviews and he was much more animated than he is at home!</p>
<p>D2 deliberately didn’t interview…in my opinion, it affected her chances, and it made her not apply to certain schools…a bad decision (but who listens to me?)…</p>
<p>But she ended up at a LAC with small classes which includes prof comments as well as grades, and her comments include “should participate more” in class discussions. She knew this was a weakness going in and has been addressing it…but she said senior year that she would be perfectly happy being an anonymous number in a large lecture hall.</p>
<p>This is the kid who HATED her fourth birthday party until we gave her the job of passing around the snacks…once she had a role to play, she was more than willing to chat with the kids who she spent every day playing with. To the op, there’s part of me that says, give the kid a pass and there’s part of me that says, she knows herself by now…maybe approach it as a role-playing exercise? And respect her wishes if she decides it’s too far out of her comfort zone.</p>
<p>Tell her to smile readily, look the person in the eyes (rather than downcast or off to the side like some do), make sure speaks in more than mono-syllabic words, and ask questions. If she manages to do that then she’ll be fine. </p>
<p>She can practice this with you. It doesn’t really matter what you talk about but you can always pretend you’re talking about the school.</p>
<p>What school is it for? Some schools consider having an interview an expression of interest in the school, and care about such things. I wouldn’t let the fact that it is outside of her comfort zone stop her from having an interview. It is a good life skill to have.</p>
<p>Interviewers will generally try to put your D at ease, and ask her talk about things that interest her.</p>
<p>I agree with mathmom that practice is the best way for your d to become comfortable during the interview. If she prepares by becoming familiar with the college, and has a few prepared answers to expected questions, she should feel a little more comfortable. She can also come up with a few of her own questions for the interviewer, if there is a lull in the conversation. </p>
<p>These are life skills which will be invaluable throughout her career.</p>
<p>We were just looking at them again and it’s actually 2 schools that recommend interviews: Union and GW. </p>
<p>I’m absolutely encouraging her to do them. Once she’s comfortable, she’s actually an engaging and funny kid. But those first few minutes could be really painful. She gets very, very anxious (when she had to ask questions of a few reps at college fairs, she practically had flop sweats) and the monosyllabic thing will definitely be an issue. </p>
<p>And it’s funny because her father and I can talk to the wallpaper - small talk comes very easy to us and we try to help her, but it’s hard to give someone advice when you really don’t understand the difficulty. She’s also on the young side - she just turned 17; which makes it all the more complicated. </p>
<p>Thank you all very much for the advice - I really think she should give it a try, but she’s afraid she’ll be scratched right off their lists (and both are safeties for her.)</p>
<p>The school my son eventually chose, Williams, didn’t offer evaluative interviews, but he interviewed at about 10 others. The experience was mixed in that the interviewer was sometimes from admissions (sometimes the head of admissions), sometimes a current student, sometimes a recent alum. These were all on-campus interviews. The kind that you schedule in your hometown with an alum fall into yet another category.</p>
<p>Despite being a good conversationalist, my son experienced a fair amount of anxiety about the process. He went in prepared with specific academic/culture questions about the school. He scheduled his least favorites first. He took a resume (which no one asked for) and attached his papers to a clipboard to avoid shuffling.</p>
<p>As a general statment, the interviewers really try to bring out the best in the students. These are not beligerant, aggressive people. They are educators or empathetic students who really want to learn about the applicant – and to sell their school.</p>
<p>I think that after the first go around your daughter will feel more relaxed about the idea of interviewing and actually begin to enjoy the experience. As a bonus the interviewers often become a good contact during the admissions process.</p>
<p>My D just went through this alumni interview process. This is what I learned from her experience, so maybe this will help. The importance of the interview is that it should be done, not that your D needs to be great at talking. During the college visit, a parent asked the admissions speaker how important it was and his response was to quote the web site saying “optional” and shaking his head NO while repeating “optional” We all got the message; not optional. Next, I tried checking whether bringing a resume was needed. Heard very different opinions and D decided she could “wing it”. The night before, a classmate who interviewed that day with a different school texted her that she had given her interviewer a resume and was thankful because the interviewer said she felt it was a great icebreaker. Friend said it helped the flow of the conservation because the interviewer referred to it when there was a lull. So, at midnight she typed up a brief list of accomplishments, awards, GPA etc. The interviewers only are told what the intended major is. So, both girls felt it was a big crutch to keep things going and should give your D a little more confidence.</p>
<p>My son also did not want to do an interview, but it was very hard not to, as the alum from the schools called my son directly to set it up. My son is very shy and “thoughtful” in that he has to think before he speaks. He sounds very similar to your daughter. We gave him a lot of the same advice that other posters have given you. Smile, make eye contact, and have some questions ready that you would like to ask about the school. He went on both interviews and thoroughly enjoyed both of them. He also came back with a better perspective on both schools. From what my son told me about the meetings it sounds like both of the interviewers were very nice and went out of their way to put my son at ease. They mostly spoke about their experience at the college and then asked my son some questions about what he was interested in and what he liked about the schools. They also both made it very clear that they could not influence the decisions making as far as acceptance. In the end he agreed with us that going on the interview was worth it even though he was not accepted at either school</p>
<p>If it would make your daughter more comfortable, perhaps she should “confess” to her interviewer that this is her first interview and that she is nervous.</p>
<p>And maybe she should then ask the interviewer about her first interview?</p>
<p>A way of breaking the ice and being somewhat memorable.</p>
<p>Perhaps this sounds strange, but you may want to ask an adult friend who your daughter does not know well (but you are comfortable with) to take her out to coffee and ask her a few questions about herself - get her to open up and talk to an unfamiliar adult. This sort of thing becomes so much easier with a little experience. My guess is that your d feels uncomfortable because this is unfamiliar territory.</p>
<p>I’m sure it is different for every school, but I just wanted to note that the Alum’s that interviewed by son told him they did not want any information on his GPA or SAT’s. Apparently this way they can interview him as a “person” without any bias.</p>
<p>First, I agree that practicing is the best way to prepare for an interview</p>
<p>Second, think about answers to typical question … Why School X? … What do you do for fun outside of school? … Tell me about yourself? … What would you like to do when you grow up? Etc</p>
<p>Third …
… if done well an interview is not schmoozing or small talk … it is a chance for the the interviewee to help the interviewer know them better. The interviewee should not try to be someone they are not … do not force jokes, or smiles, or perkiness … be yourself. Any be open and be honest … the goal is not to give canned cute answers but to get into a conversation with the interviewer about topics of interest to the interviewee.</p>
<p>I served as a practice interviewer for a friend’s daughters as they were applying to highly selective schools. I pretended I was an alum interviewer, did an interview as though I’d never met them, and gave them feedback afterwards. Do you have a sister or friend who might do this for you?</p>
<p>mainstone, I heard the same thing! We debated it and finally I gave up and said do what makes you comfortable. Several people had told me they heard of interviewers that decline to accept one, but the fear of not be able to sustain a conversation made her decide to bring it, so it worked out. I think for the next one, she plans to ask when responding to the email, what the interviewer’s preference is. It’s a tough call, but for shy kids, it might help.</p>
<p>I agree that a practice interview is a good idea. Actually, you may be surprised at how well your daughter interviews, 4gsmom. A lot of the interviewers will have experience in drawing out shy applicants. </p>
<p>Does your daughter ever listen to Prairie Home Companion? You know, Powdermilk Biscuits “give shy persons the strength to get up and do what needs to be done.” Not making fun–I am shy myself, but find it sometimes helps to think about that slogan.</p>
<p>My S did not do any interviews for a variety of reasons. He was WL’d at schools that he seemed to be a match for but was admitted to a small LAC that encourages interviews but lucky for him does not penalize students coming from a significant distance. Having said that when we thought interviews might happen we considered setting one up at a safety school that he knew he didn’t care about but was only applying to because it was free on the common ap. We never followed up with that plan but would have if it worked out for scheduling a “real” interview.</p>
<p>My S just turned down an interview opportunity today–interviewer will be in our city. He also had an opportunity to meet with rep. from the same college at his own high school last month and didn’t go. This is a kid who probably would not interview well (communication disorder). He was sort of stunned when I handed him the phone today with no warning–he didn’t know what to say to the rep. He told me that the rep. said parents were welcome at the interview, so I assume it was an “informational,” interview, trying to sell him/us on the school. S will certainly be accepted at this school. I wish he would’ve told the rep., “Your school is my top choice. I’ve already visited campus, etc.” Maybe he could’ve gotten some positive notes in his “file” if he showed serious interest. He will need to interview later for scholarships. I’ve tried to practice interview questions with him, but I guess he still needs a few Powdermilk Biscuits!</p>