<p>Hey I would love some feedback on my intro, I'm srill</p>
<p>Sorry, I’m still working in it but here it is :</p>
<p>-The Show Is Finally here, and the scene in the dressing
room is super hectic. You have your actors putting on
their fancy yet out of this world costumes, Their colorful
make up that surprisingly attracts a lot of guys and some
even doing some last minute brushing up on their vocals
and choreography. Everyone is literally everywhere
freaking out with nerves, and in the midst of all the Rustle
and Bustle, The stage manager calls “PLACES!” and
immediately we all say “THANK YOU PLACES.” We all walk
out into the wings preparing to enter onto the stage, and
then, it’s time. I walk center stage and face the audience
of over one hundred people. my heart beating so hard
you
can see it coming out of my Seussical, “who boy” shirt. I
feel the warm spot light on my face and I think to myself
“I really love this feeling!”</p>
<p>Disclaimer: I’m also a high school senior, so don’t take me too seriously. </p>
<p>Also, you really shouldn’t just post parts of your essays on the Internet like this. I’d suggesting PMing one of the parents on here and asking them for help. </p>
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<p>Rephrase this. Everyone is not literally everywhere, and “freaking out with nerves” is awkward.</p>
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<p>It’s hard to really comment on an intro without seeing how it relates to the rest of the essay. I think you have a good concept here, but it wasn’t particularly well written.</p>