<p>-He told me to pick a card, memorize it, and then drop it back into the deck. He then told me to visualize the card in my mind, burning away from edge to edge. He gave me the mysterious deck to scrupulously inspect—as to prove he wasn’t cheating—to see if my chosen card still lay inside the shuffle. Bewildered and flustered, I ran my fingers through the entire pile three times before I finally admitted the magical word he wanted to hear: no. And if that wasn't enough, the magician then told me to reach into the pocket of my own jacket, to where the card had been inexplicably transported. I had just witnessed the most bizarre and unimaginable event in my life.</p>
<p>So how is it? Spotted any grammatical errors?</p>
<p>This is almost identical to an essay in the 2nd edition of the Harvard essay book. Almost identical, dude. START OVER.</p>
<p>Try to use more transitions and vary your sentences a little. Notice how you start your first three sentences with “He”. “He told”, “He then told” , “He gave”. You could try to be a bit more creative with this. Also, the “burning away from edge to edge” didn’t make sense the first time I read it. Is there anyway you can make that more visual for the reader?</p>
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<p>EDIT:</p>
<p>If hellojan is right, then yeah, start over. You don’t want to be denied for plagiarism.</p>
<p>WOAH! I did not copy any book. I gotta check on this before i’m screwed. Thanks for the help though</p>
<p>Haha, I remember this essay from Harvard’s 100 essays.
And you say you didn’t copy? lol.</p>