<p>I am at a very large, liberal public school, and everyone around me seems so open and extroverted all the time. I am naturally an introvert. I am not having a great time in my first year of college. I've done basically nothing but studied and read this year, always by myself. Right now I'm in an isolated corner in the library. Every evening I come to the library for several hours after classes are done around four. I always eat alone, walk to class alone, and spend my weekend nights going to bed early since the library closes early. I used to think this was ideal. My ideal day is spending several hours at the library reading, where nobody can bug me, so I can accomplish and learn more. But I have recently been tired of this trend. I might be an introvert, but I liked being around people in high school. I liked helping people and explaining things to them. But I could only do that because I was in a smaller environment where it was easy to be around the same people all day and get to know them. Now, it is hard to find fellow introverts/nerds. I can't find those kind of people here. I want to get to know more people and get out more, but not the outgoing extroverted people I am uncomfortable around. I like being an introvert (like Newton, Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, and Richard Nixon were) and I want to be around fellow introverts so I am less bored and can feel more energized. I guess my question is - even though most of you are probably much more outgoing than I am - where will I find my people?</p>
<p>Find activities that interest you like clubs or movie groups. Those will attract both introverts and extroverts. Keep in mind, though, that we extroverts sometimes like you introverts. If we all stick together, we don’t get to talk as much.;)</p>
<p>I was you when I was in college. The library was my favorite place. I managed to find a few close friends over the years, but it wasn’t easy.</p>
<p>Now here’s some good news… recent research has discovered that about 25% of us are introverts… so there are lots of people around you feeling just like you do and not knowing how to find each other.</p>
<p>And, thanks to some new books, lots of people are talking about being an introvert. Check out ted.com and look for Susan Cain’s video. It explains things pretty well.</p>
<p>And, as to finding those people who are like you, try bringing it up in conversation - or even getting a t-shirt that advertises it. You might be surprised at the responses you get.</p>
<p>Hope this helps!</p>
<p>My D is also an introvert and mostly avoiding people at her college too. She made one good friend, who is an extrovert, who introduces her to people and she becomes friendly, if not friends, with these people. The hardest part for her is finding something that she WANTS to do. I would guess that there is a campus calendar that lists activities. Find something that you are interested in- not for the purpose of meeting people, but actually like. Just go even if you have to sit by yourself. Over time, you might see other quiet souls like yourself who enjoy the same things. Also, my D’s on campus job gives her a social outlet, the ability to interact in short spurts with other students. Not sure if any such thing is available to you, but it might be worth looking for it. Good luck.</p>
<p>Hi,</p>
<p>As a mom of a college freshman and an employee at a large university I had to respond to you. Like the others have said, you will find your people but it will take time. Since you mention how much you enjoyed interacting and helping others in HS, I think you would be a perfect tutor. Can you sign up to volunteer? I’m thinking the 1 to 1 interaction may be just what you need and I think a great way for you to meet others.</p>
<p>In any case, hang in there and I promise you will find your way. Freshman year is hard in so many ways!</p>
<p>I agree with MD Mom - you never know, we extroverts often like you introverts. My roommate is very introverted - she rarely goes out, and spends a lot of time studying by herself. But she’s insightful, witty, and smart, and I love talking to her. Actually, although I’m definitely an extrovert, I love spending time to myself as well, and my favorite things to do are read (by myself) or run (also by myself, with just my thoughts to entertain me). You’re definitely not alone.</p>
<p>That being said, if you’re feeling lonely, I think you should make more of an effort to get involved in things you genuinely enjoy. You said that you like helping people and explaining things (me too!) - does your school have a tutoring program? Or perhaps you could try to get involved as a TA or lab assistant (not sure if you have those at your school, but it’s worth a thought). Also, are there any tutoring programs in the community outside of your school? As in mentoring or helping middle and high schoolers with school, etc.</p>
<p>Also, if there are any particular charities that you’re interested in, or clubs that you like, I’m sure you could find other people like yourself who you could get to know. I second the recommndation of movie or film groups - obviously if you’re watching a movie, you can enjoy it without talking to other people, but discussions before or after can be interesting and provide a way to connect with other people. Even trying to find other people in your classes to study with can be an effective way of meeting people. Some of my best friends to this day are from a difficult physics class I took, because another student asked if some people wanted to work together for some of the problem sets (we were allowed to work together, I just hadn’t been doing so because I didn’t know anyone). Eventually, we started eating lunch together, and now we’re actually friends.</p>
<p>You might also be surprised by the people you meet. I’m probably as nerdy as they come - I love to read, find almost every subject (math, science, english, poli sci…etc.) fascinating, spend hours on homework, and am obsessed with Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and other extremely geeky things. I was definitely quieter in high school, but the environment in college has made me into a much more outgoing, extraverted person and I’ve found that I love meeting new people and making friends. I wouldn’t write off all non-introverts, or assume that most of the “nerds” will be very introverted - people come in all shapes and forms, and for some people, college is an environment that allows them to become more outgoing, even when they used to be much more introverted.</p>
<p>This actually describes me to a pretty accurate extent. I’m wondering what’ll happen to me when I start college this year. Hopefully, I’ll find people with my interests to talk to. Else I’ll actually have to go out and MAKE friends. <em>shudders</em> LOL.</p>
<p>This thread is full of good advice. As an extremely introverted person in her first semester of college, I’d also like to mention that new student orientation was very helpful. Through orientation I was able to make three good friends I feel comfortable around, can have meals with, hang out with on weekends, etc. So introverts, it’s not impossible! I am literally one of the shyest people ever. Orientation week is the easiest time to make friends because everyone feels nervous and awkward.</p>
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<p>This sounds silly but it’s so true. I have a shirt from the webcomic XKCD that says “Just shy, not antisocial-- it’s okay, you can talk to me!” and I always get comments on it.</p>
<p>I’m introverted, too, so I’ve been going to things that seem like they’re meant for people like us. Like, my (large public state) school has this Late Night thing on Friday and Saturday nights where they show a movie in the school union and there’s free snacks and stuff. The extroverted people are generally out partying or drinking so it’s DEFINITELY a different crowd who goes there. Also, try looking for clubs like book club, board game clubs (we have a scrabble one), academic clubs (like one related to your major), video game club, etc. Oh, and I don’t know if you’re religious, but the Jewish and Christian communities on my campus are both really nice and low key and friendly without being overwhelming at all. Something to look into. Good luck! There are many of us out there.</p>
<p>My introvert daughter met one of her best friends at her college’s orientation. They walked in to a big presentation together. One them had a t-shirt the said Second Amendment and had a guy with hairy ( bear!) arms and he other’s shirt had a big orange with Help Stamp Out Scurvy. Funny girls, those two.</p>
<p>Have you thought about starting an introverts club? Every school has different rules and regulations about clubs, so you will need to check that out in the beginning. One nice thing about having an official club on campus is that there is sometimes money to be dispersed to clubs. That could mean the funding for a party or even start up cash to print some funny t-shirts, like the other posters mentioned.</p>
<p>Starting a club will force you to interact with other people and most likely they will be quiet types just like yourself. You could start out with a note on one of the community boards that most schools have or even put an ad in the local Craigslist or something. It can be pretty simple. Maybe a small poster stuck in the library will do the trick.</p>
<p>While it is important to have your alone time as well as your study time, it is no fun to be alone all the time. With just a little effort you could meet up with just a few people to hang out with.If you don’t want to go to the trouble of starting your own club then try joining a few that are geared towards reserved people such as chess club, running club, or even a book club.</p>
<p>What about forming a study group? Look around you…in classes…or even in the library. While it can be hard to start random conversations, it is usually easy to ask questions about schoolwork, right? I’d begin by trying to find some people to study with… then, conversations may come from that… which will hopefully lead to finding your ‘people’ to socialize with. Most importantly, realize that there are many people out there who would like to be your friend. Even us extroverts feel apprehension about social situations… we’re just better (usually) at hiding our discomfort. :)</p>
<p>There are so many different things going on in college, that i would imagine that you have plenty of activities to choose from. The question is which ones do you want to do, so that you will be able to meet up with some like minded people. I like the idea from the other poster about either joining or starting a study group. Obviously learning and studying are high on your priority list so hanging around with other people that are the same way would be nice.</p>
<p>Being an introvert definitely does not mean being a loner. Quiet people like to have fun and do things with friends too, you just have to fight the shyness that keeps you away from people. Once you have managed to meet just a few people and can add a few activities to your social calendar, things will change completely.</p>
<p>If you are lonely and actually avoiding people it will be something that other people can sense and will quite possibly be something that keeps other people away from you because you appear to be unfriendly. Maybe training yourself to smile when you are nervous will make you much more approachable. People will see a smile instead of a frown that you are pasting on to hide your distress.</p>
<p>I am also an introvert. I have felt that, especially since I am a married student with a family, that I am a little out of place in college. But, something I do is make 1 friend in each of my classes. Usually this is someone who I sit by every time I come to class. </p>
<p>One friend is easy to make because you instantly have something in common- you are both in the class. Plus, having a friend in every class creates an instant study partner and another person for reference if you don’t understand something. </p>
<p>Also, keep your eye out for groups that you can join. There are so many great groups to join in college! Look for bulletin boards and fliers around campus. See which groups you might be interested in and then go to a meeting. You can totally sit in the back and in the corner and make them come to you! This will help you find people who are interested in the same things you are!</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>This may be too geeky of an idea, but I know one young man who has a nice traveling chess board. He sits at a table in an area where there’s a moderate amount of traffic and sets it up and either starts moving around the pieces or does something else. It’s kind of bait for other people like him and it’s usually not hard to get a game started. Sometimes others even hang around and watch.</p>
<p>What about using Social Media? Does your dorm or class have its own FB page? If not, form a group or create an event and invite people to it. Since you are obviously a serious student, how about a study group? Your professors might have suggestions about how to start one.</p>
<p>Also check your college’s student activities board (or something similar). They always need volunteers to help with campus activities. If you like music or theater, volunteer to be an usher. Computers? Maybe there is a campus help desk where you can work. Or, if you like politics, it’s an election year. Volunteer for a candidate. There’s likely to be a group on campus supporting someone.</p>
<p>How do you get going? Take a look at your calendar. If there’s a day of the week where you finish classes early, or an obvious block of time, put it on your calendar and commit to using that hour a week (or whatever you like) to doing something to remove yourself from the library. Good luck!</p>
<p>Well, i’d rather suggest you to build your confidence for interacting with people’s around. These may help you to get out of your introvert personality.</p>
<p>Kenny, I have a D away at school in her 2nd year who is also an introvert. She swears that “everyone already knew everybody else” when she got there which is obviously not the case. I think colleges could do so much better in pairing roommates; I don’t think much effort is expended there. I mean how much effort would it take to come up with an online questionaire with likes/dislikes and make the responses available similar to any of the dating sites? My daughter lucked out her first year and her roommate was very social and as a result D did speak to others on her floor, but then roommate moved to a language intense living group this year and daughter ended up with a roomie who is 10x worse socially than she is! The girl absolutely does not speak AT ALL. This has been terrible for my D as her outlet is now meeting first year roomie for dinner once a week and her twitter friends who are big into music. D has travelled to some extent to go to concerts with her twitter friends, people she had never met before and has had a great time. But, it is hard for travelling during semester. D really needs to be paired with an extrovert who is intelligent and can appreciate having a roomie who is introverted. I think part of her problem is that there are so many students who go out to drink for socialization and she is not into that at all so she withdraws from a lot of them. I think if they had events like Harry Potter trivia contests (this age group was really into HP) or sponsor popular bands she would meet more of “her people” too. It’s tough for me to know what she is going through because I know her so well. I thought it was funny though…she told me on her housing application for next year she put in bold “I do NOT want the same room mate I have this year”…I think she is rolling the dice and hoping for someone who at least speaks to her next year. You don’t mention a room mate, so if you are in a single maybe request a double or triple next year? Good luck to you.</p>
<p>I feel bad for the OP because the pain is palpable. Lots of sympathy and good advice. I hope the OP can use it. Too often on these threads, which seem to sprout up regularly which at least shows the OP is not alone, you get some good tips but then the OP comes back with “won’t do that”, “tried it once and it didn’t work”, etc. and pretty much resists any attempt at actually changing the situation. A lot of times these posts seem more aimed at catharsis rather than change, so I really urge the OP to make himself the exception!</p>
<p>I was both an introvert and VERY shy when I started college … it took me until my sophomore year to figure out a good trick that worked for me. On Friday and Saturday nights when EVERYONE has gone out to frat parties, drinking, or some other party … walk around the dorm and find the folks who ARE NOT out partying … these folks are likely to be interested in going to a movie, show, game or playing a board game, card game, ultimate frisbee game, etc. It took me awhile the EVERYONE was not really everyone … it was more like 70-80% of students (the extraverts?) … and that lots of folks were around if I went looking for them.</p>