Introverts vs Extroverts: The misconception that you should clear up right now

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>The topic of introversion/extroversion is one that is widely misunderstood in contemporary society, partly due to the lack of grounded information available to us about these traits. I also feel like this is something that a lot of CC'ers can relate to, as I've seen uncountable posts about shyness, antisocial feelings, musings about partying and social interaction in general. </p>

<p>First off, I would highly highly recommend reading up on this book:
QUIET:</a> The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain</p>

<p>Scientific</a> American article/interview with Susan Cain
New</a> York Times review of QUIET</p>

<p>It's a book that tries to clear up common misconception about introversion and extroversion, and how introverts understand extroverts (and thus try to get along) but extroverts have a hard time understanding introverts.
Introvert does not mean shy. Extrovert does not mean talkative. Introversion is a trait used to describe those who like to relieve their stress in solitude, left alone with their own thoughts and a peaceful mind. Extroversion is the trait where the person relieves stress by drawing energy from people around him/her; he/she needs to be around people and talk out loud in order for their minds to relax.</p>

<p>This might explain why there's college students who seem to party and drink 24x7 and those who are just quiet, don't really go out at all and are still pretty content with themselves. Modern society has somehow established "going out", "partying" and "hanging out with friends" as the norm for 21st century college students. Because of this, introverts end up being pretend-extroverts when they go out to clubs and bars with their extrovert friends and "pretend" like they're having a good time (social pressure and fear of being labeled a loner otherwise), while what they'd rather be doing is be home and draw/paint/cook/create/design/play music etc.</p>

<p>Introverts are not antisocial, shy creatures. They're just "differently social". They would rather sit down, have a cup of tea with some friends and talk about something that interests them instead of going out and getting wasted. Another misconception is that they're "not fun", according to extroverts. Well, fun is a relative concept and extroverts will simply not understand the pleasure of curling up by a fireside with a book and blankets while a thunderstorm pours outside. </p>

<p>Now I'm talking about extremes here. Not everyone can be classified into an introvert or an extrovert. In fact, most people are somewhere in the middle (ambiverts). Understanding the qualities and personalities of the extremes will give you an overall good perspective on the types of people out there.</p>

<p>Introverts also tend to be very creative, smart and hard-working. Extroverts tend to be great conversationalists and communicators, come off as friendly people and generally try to get people together to do stuff, etc. Extroverts also seem to have a LOT of energy all throughout the day. The truth is, introverts do as well, but they channel it into their minds and not out their mouths. Walk into a room of 15 people and you'll see all the extroverts talking, anxiously waiting to speak up in the conversation while the introverts are the laid-back listeners, only contributing to the conversation when essential, and often daydreaming or playing with a mind puzzle or something. Introverts tend to frame out their sentences and argument in their heads before saying it out, while extroverts sort of blurt out whatever is in their head and form an argument as they are talking.</p>

<p>So, introverts, try to not succumb to the arbitrarily created and accepted norm that a college student must party every weekend, must drink to have a good time, must go wild, get wasted and dance their heart out. If you love to draw, just stay in and draw while jamming out to your favorite indie rock band. If you like to cook, look up fancy recipes and go to town with your kitchen counters. You don't need to party to have fun (if you're an introvert).</p>

<p>There's a LOT more about this topic in that book, which I'd highly recommend reading. It really opened my eyes. You don't even have to actually buy it, just read author interviews, book reviews and video interviews, that will pretty much sum it up.</p>

<p>Hope that clears up some misconceptions in today's college-going population, which is increasingly turning introverted and is worried that they aren't "normal".</p>

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<p>How about we just clear up the misconception that it’s one vs the other.</p>

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<p>How about we just accept everyone is different and move on? :3</p>

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<p>Excellent post, AxeBlack. I hadn’t really thought of it that way.</p>

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<p>People have told me they can tell I’m “smart,” but I know it’s only because I don’t open my mouth very often!</p>

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<p>I’m considered an extrovert. So are most of my family members. With them, I’ve shared some of the most thought-provoking discussions I’ve ever had. They provide interaction and push-back that Locke, Hamilton, and Kant simply can’t compete with, simply because books can’t argue with you effectively if you think faster than you can move your eyes. People can stimulate your mind in real-time, and books are decent substitutes for this. Arguing with yourself is also fun, but after a while, you run out new objections to your thoughts. When it comes to expanding one’s mind, there is no substitute for discussion with someone smart. That’s why as many introverts as extroverts pursue intellectual discussion-- and in both populations, that’s not a significant proportion. </p>

<p>If the purely introverted think more “deeply” than I do, I’d will them to share their thoughts more often. The discussions they start are, in general, far from intellectually stimulating. But that isn’t a problem of communication styles-- it’s a problem that is amazingly common among people in general, just like irrationality, stupidity, failure. If extroverts fail to be creative, smart, or hard-working, they have plenty of company among ambiverts and introverts. </p>

<p>Introverts aren’t stunningly deep thinkers. They aren’t smarter or more pensive than extroverts. Extroverts aren’t amazing conversationalists who could beat Hamlet in a duel of words. They aren’t any better at communicating than introverts. </p>

<p>The dichotomy is in what people seek to gain from social interactions, and in how they seek those gains. Extroverts are more emotive, for example, and more prone to loneliness and smalltalk. I’ll tell you one thing, though: introverts are not substituting smalltalk for careful, deliberate introspection. They’re reading a Dean Koontz novel, or watching TV, or resting, or having slightly-less-animated smalltalk sessions with friends. </p>

<p>Ugh, I’ve been rambling.</p>

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<p>damn str8 tired of people saying anti social introvert like theyre somehow connected. incredibly good chance theyre an introvert but love talking to people and cant survive without em</p>

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<p>When my husband was in a military program we all took Meters-Briggs. Someone made the observation that it should not be assumed that if an introvert was not talking that that introvert was not thinking and that not to assume that because an extrovert was talking that the extrovert was thinking. I always thought that was amusing.</p>

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<p>I’ve seen that book on Amazon. I am certainly an introvert, but I love socializing (albeit in very small groups - the larger the group, the quieter I am). I also have a quiet voice that does not resonate as well as some naturally loud-speaking people, so its harder for me to speak in a group. </p>

<p>I am always thinking about and analyzing things, and I often come up with excellent arguments (in my mind) after the moment has passed to share them because of some lingering social anxiety I experience. I don’t think that you <em>must</em> have verbal conversations to think and expand one’s mind. I do a lot of reading - news articles, blogs, forums, books, whatever - so I read about and understand a lot of different perspectives without actually having to do much talking. </p>

<p>People just need to realize that not everyone is just like them, and some people prefer quiet conversations, others prefer loud parties, and yet others prefer something in the middle.</p>

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<p>There are introverts who are shy or antisocial, though. I’m one of them.</p>

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You would have done well to read the entire post before jumping to conclusions.

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<p>Great post, AxeBack. Interesting perspective and I can relate to so much of it. Thanks for the links.</p>

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<p>^ I did. There’s this theme here on CC that you can only be one or the other.</p>

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<p>In that case, never mind. :)</p>

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<p>I love this remark from the comment section of the SA interview:</p>

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<p>^Perfectly articulated. Good find.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the book recommendation. As an introvert, I’m looking forward to reading it and sharing it with my daughter who is in college.</p>

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<p>Wow thanks I’m still in high school but was thinking in college id be a more outgoing social person but I like the way I am eventhough I’m not like most of my close friends I don’t have to change my self.</p>

<p>Sent from my SPH-M910 using CC</p>