Is a university that promotes its first generation ratio good for those who are not?

Parents Forum
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I want to preface this by saying I believe universities have the mission to educate everyone who can benefit, and it’s wonderful to see reports of retention and graduation of students who are the first in their family to get a degree. These are the most life-affirming stories in the education sphere.

However, that does not describe my kids at all, nor myself. My family is “turtles all the way down” so to speak. I’m proud of my educational attainment, but it’s nothing special compared to my father’s, who had comparable postgraduate degrees. My mother also had a college degree back when it was a lot less common. There are lawyers and doctors going back generations. On my wife’s side, she’s the child of two professors.

My son is bright, and I don’t know if I should call him an underachiever or he’s just doing his best. He’s quite independent. I gave up trying to push and by now I think it’s counterproductive. As far as I’m concerned his college acceptances were “fine” but not at the level of his achiever peers (including some of his best friends). I won’t say where he is probably going, barring a lucky waiting list result, though I have commented elsewhere.

So, I mean, I am hesitant because it sounds elitist, but am I sending him into the wrong kind of environment if it’s a school that touts its upward mobility? Upward mobility is about the last thing on my mind. Coming out even or a little worse is just fine. I do want him to work hard in school and find a passion. If a majority of his peers are people who are doing about the same or better and started off with less, I wonder if it’s going to reduce his confidence and cause him to languish in the same environment in which the most ambitious will thrive.

Am I crazy for thinking in these terms? Given the competitiveness of college admissions, I imagine there are many parents who find themselves in a similar boat.

I actually think that his college acceptances were very reasonable, though the pandemic year threw our original plans into havoc on how he could boost his chances. I am also confident that he’s going to a school that can provide an excellent education to anyone willing to work for it.

So my worry is more that he won’t have the drive, particularly if he is hearing a message directed at those who have actually worked hard and pulled themselves up by their bootstraps to get to where he landed with some disappointment (note: this is my disappointment as a parent, and I would say he’s really a lot more open-minded). The flip side is it could really be a good experience to get out of his Silicon Valley bubble. I’m divided, honestly, but I cannot say I don’t worry.

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I think you worry too much.

It’s his life to live.

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This is a nonissue. I don’t think kids walk around campus talking about whether or not they are first gen.

Personally, I think it’s great that colleges “promote” that they have first gen students. Isn’t it better to be more inclusive?

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It’s my job to worry at least at this point. He’ll have plenty of time to live his life.

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Thanks. I hope you’re right.

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Yes when he’s 3 years old. By 18, in some cultures and times, he would already be expected to be married, a dad, a provider for and protector of his family.

I understand that as parents, we think of our kids as babies for, well, ever, but I’m not of the opinion that all this worrying and potential coddling is actually all that beneficial to anyone.

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Well, I’m just thinking out loud here. Note that I am not stepping in and altering his plans in any way. He’s directing the whole process. I am putting myself in the situation and thinking how I might react. I think it is legitimate to show this level of concern for anyway, particularly for a child on the cusp of adulthood. Also, it’s certainly far from unusual in these forums.

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Absolutely nothing to worry about. Both of my kids went to schools that was very proud of their programs for 1st gen students. The schools that do it well have support programs in place for the 1st gen students. It didn’t effect their experiences at except for coming into contact and becoming friends with folks different backgrounds.

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I think the key is that you said your S is bright. If he’s going from a private school to a large public (just guessing) then there might be an adjustment period if he is less independent than some of his peers. Mine is still on the waitlist at a couple of excellent, large publics and I did think about peers there maybe being more resourceful and organized, though they are full of all kids of students. Bright kids will step up and do what they need to do I think maybe after a stumble or two and the growth is good for them. That was true for me in college as I went from a small private to a large public. You aren’t alone in having a kid end up somewhere unexpected but I choose to believe they end up where they are supposed to be and hopefully it’s a great growth experience.

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He goes to a public high school, and it’s pretty diverse. But his friends tend to be on the high achiever side with parents at tech companies. The change of atmosphere might actually be really good for him. It’s just hard to say. Yeah, I think he will do fine, but these thoughts keep coming back to me and it helps to get them out.

I actually did have the experience of going from a prep school to a state university back in prehistoric times, and it was kind of a blast to be honest. It helped my ego, though, that I was in their honors program, which he won’t be. (Plus I think I have a bigger ego to begin with!) I want him to find the right balance and I am just not sure.

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I don’t really understand your worry. How will he even know who is first gen unless they are a friend and tell him? The schools have programs available to first gen students that seek them, but that’s usually more advising and maybe some tutoring.

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He won’t. It’s more just a matter of picking up a vibe and feeling that he’s somewhere he belongs.

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I totally understand how irrational parental worry can be. The most likely scenario, by far, is that it won’t matter one way or the other. He will meet all kinds of people will all kinds of backgrounds and all kinds of motivation levels. Take it from a worrier…It would be best if you didn’t plant any of these seeds in your son’s head. :slight_smile:

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I don’t think he’ll see any difference in the attitude of the university or professors. It’s very unlikely anyone would say, sorry I only want to mentor/give research positions to first gen students.

The social situation would be a more appropriate area to focus your attention. A friend’s D (from a fairly well off Bay Area family, albeit in a fairly diverse public high school) decided not to go back to that UC after the first year, partly because she didn’t find a group of friends that she fitted in with. It certainly wasn’t the only reason, but I suspect she went there without thinking about how she might need to adjust her attitudes in order to get along with people with a different outlook and set of priorities.

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Yes, that is good advice! And I think he’s really open to all kinds of things. My main hope is he shows up thinking this is a place where he belongs and he’s going to thrive, and not this is where he wound up because he didn’t do as well as his friends. That’s a more general worry beyond the subject line that I wrote, but it does sort of tie into it.

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Yup, that nails it. But I’m less worried about the social aspect. He’s not extroverted, but I would say that he takes people at face value and doesn’t really judge at all. He would probably want to have friends who shared an interest in video games, but that can’t possibly be difficult in almost any environment.

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If he is going to UC-Merced, 74% are first gen.

College can be a very eye opening experience. For some it is the first time they are outside their bubble. I think it is more about how good is he at making friends? Especially if the people are different. That is going to be a more determining item. If students make friends fast, the school is great. If not, it is awful. If there is and issue it will Be social not academic.

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Just to quash speculation, it’s actually UCR, which is about 57% I think. We had a chance to visit, and I personally liked the campus a lot (I went to a land grant university myself, though with a bigger campus). It is not our first choice though. But yeah, I am sure he is as capable of finding out all the stats as I am.

As I said, it’s an issue of vibes. Will he feel like he belongs. This is so vague that there is really not much I can do in the way of speculation. Maybe I just need to talk my way through it.

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It’s normal to have concerns, and my favorite thing about CC is that I can voice them here rather than to my child. I tend to see all my kids’ faults first, and that sparks a fair amount of worrying.

It’s natural to think about how our kids will react to their environment as college freshmen. I’m definitely guilty of feeling like if only they get into the “right” school, all will be well. But actually, the kid matters so much more than the school. There really are inspiring professors and bright kids everywhere. If your son is ready to engage with the community and his education, he will thrive.

For my D19, getting to know kids who don’t have as many advantages as she does has been great. It’s made her more frugal and grateful. It also improves her work ethic to be around people who are seizing their opportunity to have a better future, who won’t be distracted.

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I’m not familiar with UCR but I do know that all the UCs (warts and all) provide an excellent undergraduate education to all that aspire to one. As far as the social milieu goes, your son will be fine (and I will assume that you have raised him to be an open minded individual). I have a friend who is experiencing the opposite worry to yours. She is marginally able financially to send her son to an out of state private school and he feels out of step with his mostly wealthy peers and their expensive trips and extracurriculars that are laid in their lap. But even as a broke college student he loves the education he is getting and with his mom’s support will graduate in the near future. I’m not sure that I’m assuaging your fears but I would definitely encourage your son to leave himself open to a great college experience. And if for whatever reason this doesn’t materialize, it is not the end of the world and options exist for those that don’t thrive where planted. Good luck to your son OP!

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