The swing dance seems unlikely, but that’s up to him. By underselling, I mean, for instance that he is very likely not to mention any activity at all (let’s say some computer tutoring he did) if he does not feel he did a good enough job. He won’t list the fact that AP gave him their award for a certain number of 4s and 5s, because “The college knows my scores; they can figure it out.” I mean, sure, maybe. I admire his sincerity. I just think that in a competition where people are going to at least try to puff things up, he should not assume he will just get a fair, objective assessment.
And in this way he takes after me, which is what makes it even more frustrating.
PBC- I don’t think the things you are describing are going to be at all relevant for your son’s life starting September (or whenever move in takes place). Your son can be a star in his political theory class because he loves the material, the professor is dynamic and interesting, etc. and he can be the wallpaper in his Renaissance art class because he does the work, enjoys the paintings, but isn’t excited by the subject. And that’s fine- that’s college!
The professor who taught the best class I ever took in college could not have picked me out of a lineup, but my advisor and I kept in touch for decades to share news (jobs, grad school, marriage for me- retirement, emeritus, book publication for him.) And that’s OK, your son isn’t going to cultivate personal relationships with every single person he meets!
The university can be special because of X- and your son may not be X- but it STILL teaches econ, poli sci, art history, urban planning, bio, chem, and all the other things university teaches. And your son will find his peeps if he decides to look for them…
Yes, I agree. And to be clear, I understand that everything he put on his applications is water under the bridge at this point. I was just explaining what I meant by underselling. He could have moved all his applications up a notch with better self-promotion. However, I expect him to stay “real” around his friends and his professors for that matter.
Is the concern of having a non-first gen kid at a school that promotes it any different than having a boy in a STEM school that is trying to get to a 50/50 split male/female? (just one example…)
I imagine there might be special programs, etc for a different group but hopefully once you are in the Uni you will not be overly disadvantaged. I like to think if you are at the very top of your chosen field you will still be highly sought even though you might not be what is highly-prized. Perhaps Uni’s are leaning more and more to group projects to disguise individual performance.
DS1 just graduated from a university which is predominantly filled with students from working class and first-gen backgrounds. He was born and raised in a well-off NJ bubble suburb. For various reasons, this university was a good fit for him. The programs and professors are well regarded, and class sizes are much smaller than the flagship’s.
Frankly, I did have some concerns at first about him adjusting socially, but in the end, it was all good. He is much more aware of what many students have to do (e.g. juggle work and school) to get ahead, and also that many of them have limited family support - both financially and otherwise. He has multiple friend groups across various SES levels and ethnicities. I’ve seen a lot of personal growth in him .
I understand what you are saying. My kid is the same. On apps did not want to come off as “fake” but really did undersell when compared to how others seemed to “oversell”. By oversell I mean the “I lobbied for x - with state senator x” type of thing when in reality they sent an e-mail. Or “I was the social media director for x event” when they posted on instagram for their parents’ work. For my kid, if something did not seem “special enough” it wasn’t included on the apps. In reality, they really underestimated number of volunteer hours significantly etc, that type of thing. Just not a “blow your own horn” type.
But admissions does seem to like/expect the fluff on apps. For instance, one of my kids worked through 3 years of high school 20hrs/week. I don’t think this has the same pull as the kid who say worked for a social justice cause/lobbied/organized ect ect, which took only a few hours for a couple of weeks. At least for the scholarship apps it didn’t, as many of these were specifically for those related to these type of activities. I really think this whole process combined with social media has created some awful narcissistic tendencies. Your kid seems humble/genuine, which are qualities that are not celebrated/appreciated the way they used to be - at least not in college admissions! However, they seem like the type of person my kid would like to have as a friend/co-worker.
Thanks. I did start to wonder if anyone shared my concerns. It’s really about fit more than anything and whether he feels he’s in the right place. I admit it seems a little silly to worry about, and my son doesn’t look at it this way at all as far as I know.
Yep, and while we are on a college admissions site, I think all the adults here know that the ultimate goal is success in life, not success in college admissions. What impact you have on the people around you and the world is ultimately of greater importance than what college you go to.
It seems like an out of state private school with wealthy but not necessarily super high achieving students would have been a good fit (Colgate, Trinity, etc.). There might even be some like this on NACAC list.
Well, honestly I don’t think that would be a good fit for my son (or for my budget!). In fact, there are less expensive, less selective in-state choices that pull in students from more affluent families. That wasn’t what he wanted and I agree.
as a student? i’m not really sure this is an issue. i see that you’re also from CA, so am I LOL. i’m a low-income student doing QuestBridge so a lot of the things that I see, even from the elite college partners, are promoting a FGLI resources, full need met, stuff like that. i think it really depends on a perspective? since the school may be marketed in different ways towards different people. almost any school (I see from your other threads, a UC?) will have so many diverse groups of people. just because there are good support programs are in place for FGLI students doesn’t mean he won’t have a good experience as a non-FGLI student. if your son is bright, I think he will do just fine.
It is pretty presumptuous to suggest you should spend an extra $50K per year on his education just so he isn’t pushed out of his comfort zone.
A more relevant debate in these circumstances is usually between second tier UCs and then either CSUs (Cal Poly in particular is way more popular than UCR/UCM), community college plus UC transfer or WUE/OOS public options (Arizona/ASU/Utah being the most obvious PAC-12 options that are similar in cost to the UCs for many Californians).
Bingo! Actually the choice came down to UCR or SDSU (as I wrote above). We saw both campuses. I am not sure of my son’s logic but he was always settled on UCR and unswayed by the comparison. I thought… yeah SDSU looks more upscale, but I want him to have the best education. UCR reminded me a lot of the (much larger) land grant university I attended, so my son and I are in alignment. I have read some disturbing articles that suggested UCR is treated as a stepchild of the UC system and I just hope that’s overblown.
Not sure if it is unique to now, or college admissions. Many aspects of success are based on selling something (including oneself to colleges or employers). Convincing others that what you are selling is what they want, without being too blatant about overselling or coming off as unbelievable to those whom one is selling to, will increase success in life. Of course, colleges and employers sell themselves to potential students and employees as well when they have to compete against other colleges and employers (e.g. colleges promoting their 1G/LI students, whether or not they actually that many of them, in order to increase the 1G/LI portion of their applicant pools).
Of course, when a college is more competitive, sales skills as reflected in essays may be a more significant factor compared to a less competitive college where achievements may stand on their own to make the sale without any additional sales effort. Sales skills of others in recommendations can also matter at more competitive colleges.
My husband and I are both first gen. He ended up at a top 2 business school and I ended up a partner in an elite professional services firm, and we have spent the last two and half decades immersed in the world of the 0.1%, both the Wall Street/Greenwich set and the Patagonia-vested VCs of Sand Hill Road. We chose to send our daughter to a very economically and racially diverse public high school because my number one goal was for her to have a deep understanding of other people’s lives, and not to think of them as “other” - to have real friendships with people from all walks of life, including lots of kids who will be first gen. Unlike some of my friends, I didn’t have to deal with a 16-year-old demanding a luxury car for her birthday, and her warmth and ability to connect with people of all backgrounds will stay with her for the rest of her life. Similarly, whether a college is full of kids with parents with educational backgrounds like ours will not be a relevant decision point at all. Your son sounds awesome and like he has a great head on his shoulders. In my world, I’ve seen absolute superstars from UCR, and have seen flame-outs from Stanford, particularly once they reached a level where they had to lead diverse teams (and of course I’ve seen plenty of successful people from Stanford too) - - it all comes down to the grit and personality characteristics of the individual. I 100% understand worrying, but I think your son will be well placed to thrive (and it will be great to get out of the Valley Bubble - lots of interesting people there, but the definition of success can be a bit narrow) - good luck to him!
Yeah, that’s never been an issue. Sometimes I think we’ve been too cost-conscious, but our kids aren’t materialistic and that’s a good thing. I also agree that being able to connect with people of different backgrounds is an important life skill.