Is an essay about death/loss of a family memeber ALWAYS controversial?

I researched a bit about bad college essay/common application essay topics, and it seems that essays about loss of a family member are very negative? I understand that some students do it wrong and start making themselves look like victims or focusing too much on the loss instead of him/herself. But if I avoid these, is it still a bad topic to write about?

I think I am going to write about how my grades dropped in freshman year due to my grandfather passing away (funeral in another country and I had to be absent for like 1 month) but then how I struggled through the challenge and motivated me to work even harder in later years and never got a B ever since then. Also how I was only taking academics in freshman year and after that funeral and grade drop I picked Honors and APs in Junior and Senior year. (I am focusing on how life is along run and no matter how bad the situation is I learned to work hard and strive anyways) Is this still a bad topic to write about?

First, I’m sorry for your loss.

But there are a couple of issues with your topic.

First and foremost, it will be one of the many, many essays about the death of a grandparent. I don’t mean to trivialize your loss, but just about every teen I know has lost at least one grandparent by the time they graduate, and many feel the death deeply. So, just as there will be a stack of essays about the kid who didn’t make the freshman team, then worked and worked and worked and eventually made Varsity, yours will be “yet another essay on a death of a grandparent.”

Secondly,all it shows is that you’re a dedicated student. But from what you say about your grades, that’s already evident. How would this essay “give them a reason so say yes”???

Thirdly, do you really want to emphasize a month’s absence from school?

I think this is a topic you can ask your guidance counselor to include in her letter about you, to explain the drop in your grades freshman year. Use this very valuable real estate on your application to tell a story that your best friend can tell about you at your 20th reunion.

Agreed that the death of a grandparent is too common and pretty much expected to occur. Also freshman year is a bit far in the past – nothing else to write about?

Not just common, but often not relevant to an admit review- they want to see the strengths, not a focus on explaining the potholes. The principle is, “Show, not just tell.” They don’t need to be dragged into details, like it being in a foreign country, how long you were gone, etc.

Why would you want to point out the grade drop? They can wonder why you would.
Why not focus on a tale that shows the relevant strengths, the attibutes these schools look for? Yes, let the GC explain the background, as appropriate, and how great you;re doing now (academically, in activities, and socially.)

My D1 wrote a beautiful essay that included the death of someone vital to her. However, It wasn’t about death. It was really about the uplifting power of the field she wants to enter. In other words, about how her love of her field lifted her out of a painful situation AND how she believes she could bring that same relief to others. It showed not only her creativity, but how she could use it to benefit the community. This was not something that was crafted or packaged. It was a true revelatory moment for her and is one of the things that drives her passion. It wasn’t "I worked hard and overcame tragedy. " It was, “Oh my god, this saved me and I can use it to help others.” I honestly believe that no one else on the planet could have written that particular essay. She was admitted to, and awarded merit at,schools that were reaches. My guess is that this essay was a key element.

D2 lost the same loved one, but will probably not write about it although it did seriously impact her life. In addition to dealing with grief, It meant that she had to give up things to help at home and she had to grow up sooner then any of us would have liked. However we will leave that story to the guidance counselor to tell. She has other things she wants colleges to know about her. What she ends up writing will probably not be as dramatic as the tragic death of a loved one, but it will show case her gifts, her passions and what she can bring to the community.

I don’t think any particular subject is necessarily off limits. But, I believe its a mistake to start by looking for a “hook” like the death of a loved one. (I mean “hook” in the writing sense, not in the admissions sense). I think it is far better to figure out what you want colleges to know about you and especially how you can benefit the community. Then figure out how best to tell that story.

My daughter wrote about the death of her cousin, explaining how she was able to help the boy’s younger sister cope with the tragedy. I thought she did a great job. It’s difficult to pull off, though.

Any topic can be fine – it is all about how it is written and what it tells about you. Definitely avoid any “woe is me” aspect to an essay. The essay is a chance to tell admissions officers something about you that can’t be found elsewhere on the application – a chance to get people excited about the prospect of having you on campus. Whatever topic you choose, I would focus on personal growth, things of interest to you etc. rather than a quest for higher grades.

I would definitely not use your essay to make a long winded excuse for freshman grades. It would be much better if your guidance counselor noted in his/her recommendation that you had a death in your family freshman year that led to an extended overseas absence that caused you to miss a significant amount of school. This way it would come off as factual information from a third party and not excuse-making.

A grandparent death in one’s high school years is quite common. But it shouldn’t define who you are as a person or as a student (i.e., the grade thing). However, your essay should talk about who you are!!! For that reason, I’d stay away from the grandparent death topic. Also, your freshman grades are the least important of all your grades. It is your junior and senior grades that matter more.

Talk about your passions, who you are, what drives you to succeed, etc.

Show, not just tell. Have an idea of the attributes they want to see. All this is different than writing an explanation for a teacher.

They don’t want to see, “I failed because…”

If you decide on going ahead with it, make sure it is proof-read by few other people. It could boil down to the way you write it.