<p>This is encouraging. We made decision based in large part on best $$$ and I have been second-guessing a lot of late as D seems very stressed / unhappy. It is hard to watch from a distance. I am hoping it’s because the kids can’t vent their concerns (I don’t fit in) and fears (I’m in over my head academically) to their new friends, so we get all their angst. …</p>
<p>@4Gulls, so often that’s it exactly. “Dumping” phone calls are common with kids away at school - they vent all their negative emotions at you because it’s safe to do that. Then they go on about their business feeling at least a bit unburdened, while you have a new list of things to worry about. </p>
<p>The really hard part is knowing that’s what they’re doing. Some - fortunately few - kids really are struggling with issues they can’t resolve on their own. But I think most kids do save their fears and frustrations to share with their parents rather than their new friends, and we really are helping them when we listen.</p>
<p>This was in University of Minnesota’s newsletter about homesickness and fitting in that I thought I would share:
–Homesickness
At this time of the year, we have a number of students who are feeling homesick or anxious that they don’t yet feel comfortable at the U of M. In most cases, these feelings are temporary, and often the biggest concern is that students feel that they have not yet developed strong friendships.</p>
<p>It’s common for students to assume they will arrive at college and instantly make a collection of best friends. They now might be seeing others who look like they have plenty of friends, and they can’t understand why they don’t have the same kind of relationships. Parents can help by reminding their student that real friendships are rarely built in one month. To develop a relationship takes time, shared interests, shared experiences, and trust. Many of the friendships that students make in their first days and weeks on campus are likely to fall apart by the end of the semester. Meanwhile, students are slowly building other, stronger friendships with an entirely different group of people–often without even recognizing it.</p>
<p>Getting out and being busy is the best cure for homesickness, and it’s the best way to begin making friends. In order to get started, students who live in a residence hall can talk to their CA about volunteer opportunities within the residence hall. Another option, for commuters and for residential students alike, is to look at the Engage website. On that site, they can either do a search for something that matches their interests, or look at the options listed for meeting with a Strengths and Engagement coach to talk about ways to get connected.</p>
<p>It may not seem like there should be “work” involved in developing social connections, but it actually is a process.</p>