<p>Daughter # one went to college across country and adapted just fine. Very outgoing personality...We also have a daughter who is a junior and thinking of colleges across country. The thought of her attending so far doesn't seem like it would be a good idea. She is very attached to us, and not outgoing at all. She doesn't like our instate options nor do we. What are your stories and opinions on this.Thank you kindly:)</p>
<p>Well, we let our D. choose whatever she wanted. My D. is very outgoing, adjusts easily, accepts any kind of personalities around her. Her main criteria for choosing both UG and Med. School was 4.5 hrs drving from home. She did not apply to any outside of this radius even when advised by her college counselor and pre-med advisor at UG. It worked for her perfectly. I would let kid to choose what she wants.</p>
<p>One bit of food for thought… Sometimes a smaller distance is not such a great idea for a highly introverted student. I know of one instance of a family who is disappointed that their student, highly introverted, keeps finding ways and reasons to come home most weekends, when the family believes that this student really, really needs to stay at school more, in order to try to make friends and become more independent. If the distance were farther, it would be harder for this student to keep flying back into the family nest every weekend.</p>
<p>^They will find the way to make freiends when they are ready. They are pushed enough at college, there is no reason to create artificial layer of another “push”. Whatever makes them comfy and happy should work the best. Being homebuddy is not the biggest problem in a world. I have never understood parents who would push their screaming toddler into water, the only thing they are doing is making him to be scared more than needed. I have always taught my kids complete opposite, never try something that you are not sure about. Pushing kid away when he does not feel ready does not seem to be a good idea. I imagine that he would feel not loved, not supported enough. Well, I guess there are proponents of “tough” love, I am not one of them.</p>
<p>We live in a college town and see way too many kids attend the local flagship and not make many new friends. Mostly because they come home too often. Our S sounds very similar to your D#2. He wants to go away to school and we are encouraging it. We just recently decided that our in town flagship is off the table but our other instate flagship (2.5 hours away) would be fine. Why are your instate options not acceptable? Are there OOS options just accross the border that would be acceptable?</p>
<p>We’ll face this same issue with our youngest in a couple of years. She is very introverted and has mild Asperger’s. Due to our rural location, she’ll need to travel a minimum of 4 hours to attend a college that will offer her an appropriate academic environment. I’m already trembling at the thought of her being out of easy reach of her parents, but I realize this is more my problem than it is hers. I have to let her go eventually. When we’ve been visiting colleges with the oldest, I’ve felt most comfortable with the LACs for my youngest. But kids change so much in this period of their lives, it can be hard to predict how one will react. A friend’s introverted son went for his first year to a small LAC about 3 hours from home, and then transferred to (and graduated from) a large state U halfway across the country. Another friend’s outgoing son stayed only one semester at his dream school far from home and will continue at the local CC until transferring to a state U. You never know.</p>
<p>There’s a world of difference between 3-5 hours away and 3 planes and 12 hours away…why don’t you put a mental radius around you home where you know your D could get home (if necessary and at least for Thanksgiving and the long weekends) or you could pick drop off and pick up or over and back or to and from in less than 8 hours. Then look at the colleges that are within that radius.</p>
<p>“We live in a college town and see way too many kids attend the local flagship and not make many new friends.” - this can be a real issue and prevent a student from “getting the most out of the college experience.” there are plenty of kids who can go to school close to home, but still really jump in with both feet, but some students might benefit form a ittle more distance from home cookin’.</p>
<p>It depends…</p>
<p>If a child is the anxious type, has trouble making/keeping friends, or may have depression issues, then going too far away can be an issue. </p>
<p>If the a child is just more on the quiet side, but is well-adjusted and can make friends, then what’s the harm?</p>
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<p>I disagree – but perhaps that’s because I live in Maryland.</p>
<p>Our flagship, the University of Maryland at College Park, is within an hour’s drive of where a large proportion of its students live, which is either in the Baltimore metropolitan area or the Maryland portion of the Washington, DC, metropolitan area.</p>
<p>Lots of kids from those areas go to UMCP. They often arrive knowing a hundred or more people on campus, and many maintain their preexisting friendships. Some even room with people from their high schools. Many go home for weekends often. Some go home every weekend – they may even have weekend jobs in their home communities. Others stay on campus for the weekends but often serve as hosts to friends who attend smaller, less exciting colleges but who want a taste of the big sports-oriented flagship university experience.</p>
<p>Is this the revered “typical” college experience, in which a student goes off to a distant place alone and makes friends in an entirely new environment? Well, no. But for many Maryland kids, UMCP is the best college choice for academic and/or financial reasons. (UMCP gives out lots of merit scholarship money to top in-state students.) Not going to UMCP because the experience there would not be “typical” would be absurd.</p>
<p>My kids are a bit beyond college graduation now, so I know quite a few UMCP graduates (including my son). They do not seem unduly damaged by their college experience.</p>
<p>Facing this, too, but I’m letting her take the lead on this. I keep offering to look at schools that are closer, but she’s just not interested. DH says we need to trust her on this! And I do agree it will be a great growing experience for her.</p>
<p>Anecdotal evidence - DD2 is introverted and quiet, very into her own thing. She went 2000 miles away to Lewis and Clark and has blossomed. She has friends, attends concerts and sporting events (I couldn’t get her to go to sporting events in HS) and is loving life. It’s where she wanted to go and it was the right place.</p>
<p>Erin’s Dad:</p>
<p>How do you think she would have done at a state flagship?</p>
<p>Haystack: Do you mean her own state flagship or one in a different state? The social experiences in those two situations are quite different.</p>
<p>I think you should listen to your daughter. Sometimes getting a chance to be away from the family safety net is just what introverted students need to come out of their shell. Though I do think there’s a difference between being introverted and being shy. An introverted student probably has no trouble communicating, she just doesn’t feel that it’s necessary to be bellowing from the rooftops all the time, likes to be sure of her own thoughts before loosing them on others, prefers to handle issues themselves. Sometimes introverts can be very independent, because they’re used to drawing on their own personal reserves, rather than needing to have a huge network of friends and family to support them. Maybe your daughter is more like that, you would be the best judge, but lots of introverted students find very happy homes even at colleges far away. </p>
<p>You might ask yourself if she already is exhibiting mature, independent behavior. For example, can she manage her own money (reasonably well, she is a teenager after all)? Does she have issues keeping appointments or maintaining her schedule? Can she use public transportation effectively? Looking for little signs of independence might be better overall markers of her eventual success.</p>
<p>Great insight, very helpful. Thank you all. I try not to make comments about her freshman sister and how much I miss her. I don’t want her to see my really sad because she is the type of kid will take this to heart and want to stay here. So this pass month I have been repressing my feelings in front of her, so I did have any negative affect when she starts to apply senior year. Very hard to do when your first one flies the nest to go back east to school ~ And our instate universities are mediocre at best:(</p>
<p>^Mediocre or not, your kid will have much more influence on her future than the name of her UG. Been there, let them to decide on their own, great results, the same as kid’s from Ivy’s and other Elite schools, no difference. Do not underestimate your own child, great opportunites that are well beyond any expectations are everywhere available to those who take advantage of them, if not, it is their loss, created by their own actions, Ivy, Elite or “mediocre” will not make much difference. This is from comments of my own D., who just graduated from state public UG and at one of the top Med. Schools in the country with classmates graduted from Ivys and other Elite colleges, they are all in the same class, the same results. D. has mentioned that she took advantage of a lot of opportunities at her UG, when others were “passing by”.</p>
<p>I guess we are lucky here in Iowa. Two fabulous state flagships. We have seen neighbor kids go to both, some barely meeting entrance requirements and others with NMF status. All have nothing but great things to say about both.</p>
<p>Nitnat, You don’t mention what are your DD’s interests. If they are general (eg bio or lit), then I’d look to nearby states. I think it would be great to have her in driving distance for the occasional visits.</p>
<p>My son wanted a STEM school, so went across country. Being shy, it took him time to make real friends. The adjustment would have been harder at state flagship, though, for wrong reasons, he could have clung to HS friends. The college he attended had residential houses, the opportunity to have a say in which House, to choose rm/mt, and 2 terms of P/F grading. Absolutely no regrets</p>
<p>Has she been away from home before, like at a sleep away camp? If so, how did she do? Did she make friends? If she hasn´t been away, you may want to try it next summer before senior year.</p>
<p>D2 is quieter than D1, and is more judgemental of people. She has been going away in the summer to various programs since she was 11. It is a mixed bag with her, sometimes she does great, and other times not so well. She tends to have one big blow up then she adjusts. I also do worry about her next year when she goes away to college. In our current situation, she will be away a flight away no matter where she goes.</p>