My S was accepted and is excited! I’ve read about Elon being a very social place with lots of partying/drinking. As we attempt to guide him through pros and cons of his choices, I’m curious if the social side of Elon will be an environment he’ll enjoy and find his place alright. He has a small group of core friends, as in 3 good friends in high school. He’s highly respected and liked by his classmates according to his teachers and from talking with other parents, but he personally thinks no one likes him–misperception on his part?? He’s introverted but warm and friendly, and definitely needs his alone time. He has really had to push himself and take nudges from his parents to get out there and do more socially. If it’s a service project, he’s happy and enjoys being involved and being around others. But as far as parties, it’s just not his thing. He would endure if he had to, but then go hide away for a day after being depleted of energy. He’s more interested in sober fun, and intellectual and service opportunities. Is he likely to find other like minded students, or is he setting himself up for loneliness and isolation, being labeled boring? He isn’t judgmental of others; partying/drinking just are not his personality/interest.
He will find his place if he looks for it. My daughter is a freshman who is not into the party scene at all…dreads it and despises it. The first few weeks of school (she lives in an all freshman dorm) the dorm would empty out at night as everyone was into the party scene. It was just what you would expect…they all had freedom and were going to use it. She went once or twice and it just confirmed it was nor for her. So she would go the free movies, or volunteer, joined a club that met on Thursdays or stayed in and studied. After that initial month more and more kids realized that the big freedom was getting old. More and more kids went “out” less and my daughter started to have more and more kids that wanted to go to the movies or dinner or just hang out in the dorm. By mid-way through the semester she had developed a friend group of six that were getting really close. Yes, some of them like to go out sometimes but she will do something with the ones that are not that night. In addition to these six her floor has been a very good social experience. Of course they do not all get along but are like a family in that you can choose your friends not your family way so they are there for each other and spend a lot of time out of there rooms interacting ( they also are in a new dorm which was designed for this). On Mondays in the fall the girls would start claiming the lounge in the afternoon so they could watch the Bachelor on the big tv and they boys would not have the game on (the boys could not organize as well so they usually watched it in a room together). Point is your son will find like minded people by getting involved in the things he likes…the service, the volunteer etc and even if others are more into a social scene he is not they will have their common grounds in other ways a class, a tv show etc. The key is to get out there not partying will not label him boring ( and if it does for a few kids who cares) but not getting involved in what interests him will mean he is missing a lot of opportunities and that is boring. My daughter has had an incredible year being involved in things that interest her, meeting different kinds of people, getting research opportunities she did not even think of, working on a tv show and now joining a sorority…and she does not drink at all. Her roommate is the opposite, the party scene is a big part of her life. They are two completely different kids who love where they are because they both are experiencing what they want to experience. They do not socialize with each other but they both respect their differences and have roommates lined up for each year who are more like each of them. And at this point my daughter’s roommate stands out as different on her floor, even by the kids who like to party they have more respect for my daughter and more of them are friends with my daughter than her roommate. The “party” kids start to grow up and see that there is a lot more to life than that one scene and have respect for kids who balance it or kids who are true to themselves and do lots of good things like my daughter. There will be party kids at every school and non-party kids at every school. There is plenty for the non-party kids at Elon if they avail themselves to it.
Your son sounds a lot like mine (especially the liked by everyone, has close friends, needs/wants his alone time) Very interesting discussion. Although not a student at Elon, he is at a very social school with a party atmosphere. He is a sophomore, so like the post above, this may give you some comfort.
I would break down first semester freshmen yr into two halves. FIrst half was everyone just finding their way, getting used to freedom, etc. Lots of parties and S actually went to many. Learned early on he wasn’t interested in a frat although went to their parties. Developed really close friends in his dorm (S is not a “work the room guy” but has deep relationships with a smaller group). Second half of the semester socializing was mixed between going to those parties (was getting old) and creating their own fun back at the dorm. Eventually that became more fun and this group of approx 10 kids is really tight. The neat thing is they are each other’s primary support system but all have different interests so they do things together, but they also are in separate clubs. They tend to bring kids from their clubs into the group and the group expands. They have their fun (not crazy, massive frat party fun, but fun for them).
Sophomore yr has been a continuation of the same. Unlike high school, there’s a lot less judgement assigned and nobody really cares about the “in group”. Everyone is just doing their thing which is great!
Long story short, he has gotten more social but in a reserved way. His confidence has grown. College will help your son grow in many ways. It sounds like he will be measured and responsible. That’s not a bad thing.
Thank you! These replies are very helpful!
Just wanted to bump this up to see if I could get responses. Elon is in my son’s top two but I am concerned about the bit of a party school reputation I am reading about. He is like the above students, has a social life, small group of friends, not into partying or using substances. I think he is worried about being bored because the town is so tiny. Is there plenty to do if you are not a partier? Will you feel like an outcast?
Hi, TS0104. Any chance I can get your private email? I saw in another thread that your son has decided on Elon and he sounds very much like my son. Thanks in advance
I’ve researched on other threads/forums/FB groups and heard many a story of non drinking kids who didn’t have problems finding people/friends/social activities/fun at Elon. My son has decided Elon is the one! I may try to see if I can connect them all up. Anyone PM me if interested.
We weren’t able to attend this weekend but will be on campus this week. My son is making his final decision. If he chooses Elon I’ll pm you too, @TS0104.
Any parents of non-partying, studious, friendly but somewhat introverted daughters on here lol?
My daughter sounds like your sons…She’s ready to commit to Elon but then someone in her high school told her Elon was a party school. We have visited three times and loved it more each time! I have reminded her of this, but she has a gnawing feeling that she won’t find “her people” or more importantly find a likeminded roommate. It is helpful reading your posts on this thread!
@mdf1204, a good friend’s daughter is finishing up her frreshman year at Elon and not only is she not a drinker/partier, but she managed to find 3 likeminded girls to room with (one roommate and 2 suite mates). She tells her mom daily that Elon was the best decision she has ever made. Your daughter will find her people too- I am sure of it.
@mdf1204 I can tell you my D didn’t think she’d find her people and she wasn’t much of a party girl coming from a Christian college. She was a transfer last year and she made up her mind to get involved. She’s not greek and she does party on occasion. But, it’s like any other university and it’s up to the students to conduct themselves and still get their studies done. Many times, my S is the Designated driver, which she is happy to do (she turns into a mom). I have met plenty of students who do not drink but like to have fun. Your D will just have to find what she likes to do. Elon has so many great opportunities.
@mdf1294 Your daughter sounds just like mine! And her concerns are the same. She is worried she will not find her people too. She has not committed yet. I will share this post with her in the morning. Maybe they can connect?
@LusbyMom I am curious- where are they driving to? Do they leave campus a lot?
@KLV2023 students who live off-campus. It’s usually not too far. Again, this is not all parties and not all students participate. My D hangs out with a group of about 12 people, that’s a party.
@mdf1204 My daughter is very similar. I would love to chat.
@KLV2023 My daughter hasn’t committed yet either but she intends to! I will tell her about your daughter (and the other like-minded students on this post) it will definitely ease her concerns!
May I suggest some of you consider having your kids sign up for the community service LLC? Mine did several years ago, and still stays in touch with all of them. Very public spirited kids with weekly service activities that they all bond over and lots of wholesome fun. Best decision my daughter ever made.
@KLV2023 I’m really terrible at social media lol but there’s a way you can pm me and we can chat
@roycroftmom I am making that suggestion to my son. He’s no stranger to community service (he’s an Eagle scout, for one) and I think this would be the best fit for him…he doesn’t have strong interests in any of the other LLCs, he has a minor interest in sustainable living. Thanks!
Essentially, every school is a party school and every school is studious. It’s about the kid and the tribe and the ability for the kid to find the tribe. They exist and can be found by joining clubs, meeting people, etc. College is a growth period. Time to get more comfortable getting out of your comfort zone. That’s important.
Anecdotally, S attends a “Greek Heavy” school quite close to Elon. Isn’t Greek. Has tons of friends and loves the school. Freshmen yr thought he might actually go Greek but ultimately decided it wasn’t his thing (went as far as rushing and got a bid and then didn’t join). He joined other clubs and is very active and enjoys a great social life.
Reading the threads on CC, Niche, etc. you would think he would hate it being non greek. Turns out it’s really about the kid and finding their tribe. (for those that say it’s harder for women than men- he has several non greek, female friends that are very happy as well. In a way, I guess they formed their own social group. More like a pack of
wolves / wolvettes).