im probably gonna graduate in december and im not looking forward to it at all. im in a field that i regret entirely (it doesnt fit me and i really obviously dont belong in the program) and i dread working with the major i chose, but its too late to change NOW so im grinding through it. because of that its kinda stressful and upsetting to begin with, just for what it all symbolizes.
on top of that, i really do not see the point of a commencement ceremony and never have. you dress up in an idiot robe and a humiliating square hat and then shake hands with someone you’ve never met in your life, get handed a fake degree (you get the real one in the mail), and listen to some condescending nobody talk for an hour about all the good you’re gonna accomplish even though everyone knows thats bull. and then im supposed to smile like a barbie doll the whole time when im mentally exhausted and filled with dread.
my mom went ahead and told me i didnt have to go but everyone else seems to be making a huge deal about it. I don’t want to hurt any feelings or miss out on graduation money but I dunno if I can take anything else. is it THAT bad? like what happens in a typical graduation ceremony? is it longer than an hour? will they make me wear a dress or is no one gonna check? can you leave halfway through to go to the bathroom or are you right there where everyones staring at you? is it usually mad crowded or do people leave quickly?
(do NOT give me that ‘you’re gonna REGRET IT if you don’t walk’ stuff. I’m a grown adult thanks. I promise I won’t)
It is 3 hours of your adult life. You will have plenty of time for other stuff. Your initial post sounds more like a whining teenager rather than an adult.
It sounds like your mother left the choice to you so make a decision and go with it.
For my kids it was a celebratory rite of passage. If you will complain through the day and make everyone around you miserable and your mom is OK with you missing graduation, then stay home.
rodimusprime, I too felt in a similar way to you and in fact I did skip my own graduation ceremony once. I don’t think you’re immature. I think some people like us don’t care about ceremonies or formalities, and other people with different personality types don’t get it.
When I was a kid I attended my dad’s graduation ceremony for his Master’s. It was a big room (stadium?) with thousands of people and I remember the announcer said “please hold your applause until the end”, yet most people didn’t care. Some of the graduates like my dad got their diplomas in silence (only my mom and I attended for him, and we were quiet types), but when some others’ names were called, the room burst into loud yells and cheers. I thought it was so unfair that some graduates were celebrated more than others just because they had more loud family/friends.
Fast forward to the year I graduated with my Bachelor’s. I had in some ways a negative experience at my university, and I didn’t have a job at that time so it felt embarrassing to attend it, and I also remembered my dad’s ceremony. So I skipped it.
Later I got my Master’s at a different university. I was doubtful at first I would attend this ceremony either, but then I mentioned it to a counsellor (who I saw for other reasons) and she said respectfully “well it’s your choice”. So in the end I thought, at least I had a better experience here than during my undergrad, and attended the ceremony. Unlike my dad’s ceremony, there were only a few hundred people inside a much smaller room - the university broke everything up into a lot of smaller ceremonies, so I only saw people from my major and a couple of others. The ceremony was 1 1/2 to 2 hours. There were no celebrity speakers that you often read about, only a few professors spoke and it wasn’t outlandish (and this is coming from someone who’s also not a fan of “fake” sounding speeches). Every single graduate who walked up to get their degree got applause from the entire audience, including myself. (Maybe a few people got a little more cheers, but it wasn’t like my dad’s ceremony, everyone got respect).
So I think it depends on what the graduation ceremony is like - apparently different universities do it very differently. I don’t know which is more common or how to find out what the ceremony is like. If it was like my dad’s, I wouldn’t have wanted to attend, but I don’t regret attending my Master’s even though I still don’t find ceremonies a big deal. I wonder what my undergrad university’s ceremony would’ve been like but I guess I’ll never know.
As for the details, yes I had to wear the uniform which you can borrow for the ceremony. I don’t know about leaving for the bathroom but I didn’t see it happen to anyone.
My dd’s ceremony was kept light and fun. Yes there were thousands of people but the speakers were appropriate and funny and they encouraged the grads to keep it fun! The theme was: you’ve worked so hard for this day, celebrate!
It really depends on the school.
Commencement should be a fun/happy event. There is no point in going if you’re not going to have a good time.
Strictly speaking from personal experience, I didn’t attend my HS graduation and I don’t regret it even two years after the fact. I was as opposed to going as you are. If you are this vehement about not going, then yes, it will be THAT bad and I advise you not to go.
High school and undergrad commencements were fun, since I was there with friends. I skipped grad school commencement and regret it because I would have received a hood. It is a rite of passage, a point in time to celebrate a major accomplishment. For you and your parents who help you make it to this point. There is nothing humiliating about it and family members usually follow your lead. If you look forward to it, it sounds like your mother would also.
You don’t go for you. You go so that your parents and other supporters can celebrate your success with you. I went to my HS and college graduations for my parents; they couldn’t go to my law school ceremony, so I didn’t either.
And to answer your question directly, in my opinion, yes, it’s exactly that bad.
If your family 100% truly doesn’t care, then skip it. As @poblob14 says, it is also about your family and others who supported you who want to celebrate that milestone with you. If they do think it is important, then – that is what family’s do. They support each other where they can, whatever form that comes in. Sometimes that means putting on a gown and listening to a speaker for an hour, then walking across a stage. (And you can wear shorts under your gown, no one will know. A nice dress just gets all sweaty – my kids both wore more casual clothes (with nicer shoes) to graduation, then changed afterwards to go out to dinner to celebrate. Also, if you have friends who are graduating, it is nice to have some of the photos that are taken by other friends and family right after the event.
I skipped my undergrad commencement and missed nothing. Skipped my Masters too. Went to tge PhD one and it felt right because I knew I was truly ‘finished.’
Sounds like you’re going to be headed to grad school or back for another undergrad degree. Go to commencement when you want to celebrate it.
And while yes, as an adult you sometimes have to do unpleasant things…this is not one of them. Skip it.
i dont feel like i accomplished anything and none of my friends 1) live in the area or 2) graduate when i do or in the same program im in and the ones that do are busy. and besides that no one actually helped me through this aside from the occasional ‘here’s some textbook money’ type gifts. no one offered emotional or academic support. and its not even like ive succeeded in any way. to be fully honest, i dont have a future and i dont want anyone to get any false hope.
@rodimusprime I went thru two: undergrad and masters and I barely remember them. What I do remember is that it meant a lot to my parents to see that rite of passage as they were a huge part of me getting my degrees. So unless your family really cares (which it seems like they don’t) and you don’t want to do it, then do what you want to do. In the end it really was boring for me It’s longer than an hour and depending how your college does it, you could be waiting forever for all the names to be called out. If the ceremony is outside and the weather is blazing hot, then it’s super miserable!!
I DID love the picture taking and celebratory dinner after my ceremonies. I still look fondly at my pics every now and then and smile.
And please don’t think you haven’t accomplished anything regardless if you liked your major. Attaining your bachelors is an accomplishment! It speaks to your persistence and drive to finish what you started. Give yourself a pat on the back…not a lot of kids could do what you’ve done without much emotional and academic support. You have the rest of your life ahead of you and WITH A DEGREE!! So, yes, you do have a future and it’s in your hands. All the best to you!
@rodimusprime, it sounds like this is bigger than just the graduation ceremony. You sound like you are depressed. Have you thought about seeing someone?
I’ll be honest. Graduation ceremonies are a beating. I did not walk for mine. My mother was irked. Too bad. I paid for my degree. We celebrated on our own and forwent the pomp and circumstance. I do not regret skipping it one bit. I offered to buy my way out of my kids’ ceremonies. (HS and soon college). To no avail. It would be one thing if they were speaking or receiving some special distinction. This is just a waste of time. When only a fraction of people graduated HS, it meant more. Since almost everyone graduates HS, it has lost its luster. Is this going to be their greatest accomplishment? S1 is getting BS next week. Finishing MS next May. We are going because he wants to walk, not because we are pressuring him.
More importantly, you need to take a deep breath and take stock of your situation. If you don’t want to work in your field, it may be tougher, but not impossible to find another career. Perhaps it means you need to stay in school (or return) for another degree. It is never too late. I am going back to school in the Fall and I am old. Time for a career change.
I say if your parents don’t care either way, do what you want. I’ve haven’t walked since high school, and I have a doctorate. I’ve never regretted it. Ceremonial things don’t really matter to me, though.
